Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

[Fisher80]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

This is so inspiring thread. Keep the good work up, RR!

[spacebebe01]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

What a change in you RR, well done for doing this to help yourself and change your life, probably save it as well.

Keep up the good work, the out patient meetings will be working even if you don't feel it while you are there. Every bit of help and support you can get will help you keep going and make things easier for you. Give yourself a big pat on the back.

space x

[roadrunner777]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Day 40, 7 AA meetings, 8 hours of out-patient counceling.

I picked up an AA sponsor on Monday, nice guy, lots of sobriety time. Feels like a good match.

Out patient counceling is still dicey. Most everyone there is court-ordered, and most of the conversation is more about legal matters than sobriety. But, it is a firm reminder of one thing:

I got my first and only DUI in the 1980's. Very minor penalties, kept my license unrestricted, I guess it was about $700 total fines and fees, and 6 hours of counceling, for a .18 violation (which probably was actually higher, took an hour to get to the analyzer).

I cannot BELIEVE the sheer cost and pain-in-the-butt factor in getting a DUI today. If anyone is looking for yet another reason to quit, I suggest looking up the penalties in your state and county for simple DUI, and DUI accident/injury. It may be a FELONY, depending on where you live.

[free at last]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Hey RR777, just now have some time to glean through posts and wondering how you are doing.

[roadrunner777]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Hi...
Things are doing pretty good! Day 53 sober, AA every Monday and Friday, out-patient every Tuesday and Thursday, on top of a 40 hour work week keeps me busy!

I met briefly with my sponsor after a meeting last night. I have been just racking my brain trying to get started on step 4, and he wants to meet for an hour over lunch or something. Makes sense, just hard to fit into my schedule.

I decided to quit smoking, and I'm on day 5 of Chantix, which I used before and was smoke free for 10 years (the same 10 years I was previously sober).

Doctor wants me to lose weight... 15 pounds in 2 months, and cutting down salt. That is probably the biggest challenge on my mind today.

This morning, I woke up feeling good, no hangover, no destroyed bedsheets, no vodka bottles laying around on the floor. At 53 days, I am noticing a tangible improvement in my ability to think and reason. Yeah. Things are doing pretty good...

Thanks for asking!

~Phil

[free at last]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Hey Phil/RR777, this is great news. You sound really good. Wanted to encourage you to possibly post over in the Starting Out section (newbies' nest or Oct AF month). I think you would have some really good insights to offer others.

All best,

[Wagoneer]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

This thread made me smile. Roadrunner -congrats and best of luck. You are doing great!

Waggy

[roadrunner777]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

the best laid plans of mice and men

In my run of sobriety this fall, I thought... there's probably only 2 or 3 things that could happen that would cause me to take another drink.

And, true to form, one of them, the worst of them, happened just before Thanksgiving. My wife of 15 years died in the hospital of coronary problems. She was 54 years old. She has had ongoing medical issues but her prognosis was good and she was going to be moved to a short-term nursing home for follow-up the next week.

I have a ton of people ready to help me back up. I'm just adding to my thread because... you just never know.

I also want to repeat something often said: Never leave your loved one, not even to go to the store, without a kiss, a smile and sharing kind words. I got lucky, I saw her the evening before she died and even though her prognosis was good, we hugged and kissed the best we could given the wires and tubes. We told each other of our love, and my last memory of her is perfect.

[YoungAtHeart]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

[FONT=Georgia]Phil.......I can only offer my deepest condolences on your loss. I am so glad that your last goodbye was as perfect as it could be. Even though I don't really know you, I just stumbled on this thread. I am glad you have access to the support you need and deserve. My heart weeps with you, and I wish you all the best as you try to come to terms with this life-changing loss. [FONT]

[pixie]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Phil, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the reminder about keeping it positive with loved ones...it's hard to think about, but you never know when that last moment may be.

It is good to hear that you have lots of support around you; make sure to lean on them a lot. Staying in touch here is a good thing too, it's another layer of support that you can count on most any time of the day. Best of luck to you.

[mama bear]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. My family is watching my father in law wither away with Parkinsons and it is killing us. The urge to drink just to forget the pain can be overwhelming. I admire you for your strength. I hope you continue your sober path....we are all here for you.

[Jazi's Mum]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Phil, I'm so sorry that your beloved wife has died. The stress and pain of losing someone so close is terrible and we all know, I think, what you are suffering.

If you are drinking again please don't stop checking in here anyway. And you might want to do some reading about The Sinclair Method using Naltrexone, or Topamax, or Baclofen. There are many posting on threads describing these drugs, and their use to give you some temporary help over a bad patch.

I know complete abstinence is your goal but there is help you could use, especially now, to get you there.
God bless you and strengthen you during this holiday time.

[K9Lover]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Sending hugs and prayers your way Phil...:l

I am so sorry for your loss. Please stick close to us :h

[free at last]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Dear Phil,
I am sorry for your loss -- it sounds as if you and your wife had a warm, loving relationship. Your words of advice, to treat each parting as if it could be your last is so true. Sending you thoughts of strength and peace.

[roadrunner777]

Crying... I spent the day reading these forums

Little unplanned vacation

Well, that was different.

A little over a week ago, I hit the liquor store and being the supply protector I am, bought two 1.75L of vodka and enough smokes to last a day or two. (I was on a 3 day off deal fom work.) And then I tried to do my finish my supply and go to bed thing.

In the stupor, I did something that opened an artery, and then passed out in bed, half thinking this wouldn't be a bad way to commit suicide. After some amount of time passed, maybe an hour with a lot of lost blood, I opened my eyes and the phone was in front of me, where I left it before. I dialed 911 and hung up. The cops responded and got me to the hospital. By the way, I'm in Northern Minnesota, the temp at the time was -20.

Aside: The nature of which artery and how it happened is inappropriate for open forum. Unfortunately, it is also a significant part of the story. I will willingly reply to private messages in this regard assuming a virtual pinky-swear that you will not tell others, and that you are over 18 years old.

Ok, so now I'm in the hospital which was a 3 day blur. I signed a million forms not comprehending any of them. One of them or maybe I answered gibberish, for whatever the case I was transferred to a secured mental health hospital 3 hours way. I was held there against my will for 9 days while they evaluated me. Then, by court order, immediately released me. Actually, 2 of those days were therapy intensive and were pretty good. Most of my time, though, was confined to what could be described as a prettied up jailhouse.

Anyway, I'm at home, waiting for an appt with a psychiatrist, resuming counseling and AA. I think, somewhere in the process, I got some belated grieving done, maybe they got the meds right, maybe it's just because I a free after 9 days of confinement.

~Phil