Husband left.... Need some help

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

Well still not drinking, but I still feel like I would if I had liquor in the house. I am still very upset about my husband. He's so nonchalant about all of this, like its all normal to have visitation with my son. Like we have been in this new "routine" for years.

And when I get upset and get emotional, I'm the crazy over the top one and he's the rational adult. Ughhhh! Please Lord give me strength to get through this without alcohol. It's getting tough, especially the weekends. I'm so afraid I won't be able to do this.

[red67]

Husband left.... Need some help

You can get thru this! And without alcohol, that will only make it worse. I know it seems impossible but this is new to you and it's going to time some time to get used to. One of the reasons I thought I could never give up drinking is because I thought I could never get thru some personal shit I have been dealing with for years. The only problem was I was never really dealing with anything while drinking, I was just drowning my problems, but they always resurfaced and got worse over time. It was awkward at first and still after over 2 1/2 years of being sober I still have hard times. We are never going to be perfect but without drinking at least we can learn and grow. Can't do that while drinking. Drinking only allows you to hide for a little while. You will be surprised at how much you can deal with without alcohol. We are stronger than we know.

Do you have the opportunity to try counseling? It really helps to get out of your own head for a bit, let someone help you find a new perspective.

[cyclefan]

Husband left.... Need some help

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

Thanks Red, I will read this thread through when I am having a hard time. Thanks for the tool box reminder as well, cycle fan.

I think I will also start leaving some of my busy chores for the evening instead of trying to finish everything during the day. Things like laundry, light cleaning, etc. it helps with filling my time at night (my usual drinking time)

I'm better today, I will try a new strategy tonite.

[red67]

Husband left.... Need some help

One thing I did when I first got sober was cooking for hours everynight. Tried lots of new recipes and had tons of leftovers that did not get eaten. But after a few weeks it broke me of the evening drinking ritual thoughts. You just really need to break the routine and you will find it is a lot easier after that to stay sober. At least it was for me.

[Kradle123]

Husband left.... Need some help

Hi Looking:

My girl friend went through one of the nastiest divorces in Wahington state Hisory. She drank at it and her Most Horrible ex for about three years and it cost her everything including her three boys who were tortured by this ex -you know what- as well as the courts... At one point she was living with me!
She's now been sober for about three years and the horrible ex is a complete mess, lost his 6 figure job and she has gained the respect and admiration of just about everyone.
It can be done and you are Not Alone!!!

:l

PS- she did go to rehab and utilized AA as well.
:h

[Sake123]

Husband left.... Need some help

Looking for Peace - I can't imagine how awful it must be to have him acting so nonchalant about this whole thing. I am sure that must be incredibly hard for you to witness. I can only say that I am sorry that you have to go through this. But I do believe that amazing growth and some truly wonderful gifts have been gained passing through the fire. Hang in there and know that the best is yet to come. Divorce must be the hardest thing in the world to deal with and I won't pretend to have advice. I don't! I just wanted to say that I think it's incredibly strong of you to take care of yourself during all of this and not giving into that bastard alcohol! Keep praying!!

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

Like I said, I'm using this thread to document my feeling and hopefully stop myself when I get upset and would like a drink. My husband called about a list if things we need to do for my 18 year old autistic son. Which in reality means what I need to do for my son. He is at the transition stage from HS to adult life and its a whole new ball game.

He says that I need to line up training, a job , a place to live for him etc. Like that's done with a phone call. He never goes to anything my son has ever had as far as meetings and appointments. I have lined up everything thus far.

As soon as my husband left, my son started acting out unbelievably , he was quite well behaved Before this. My son keeps bringing up everyone that has ever left him in his life. My husband doesn't attribute it to his leaving, but to my lack of providing proper psychological support and a lack of "infrastructure". Like it would all be ok if I did my job. He says if it wasn't him leaving it would be something else. But my son has never been this bad, even when other teachers and therapists have left. I'm so infuriated. This is what triggers me. I can't seem to get over it when I talk t him for a very long time. Maybe venting on paper will help. Ugghhh'!!!!!!

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

Well I told myself I would post no matter what. Last night was bad. After a full week of abstinence, I blew it. It was the best week I have had in a long time and I blew it. The trigger was my husband. We had a meeting at my sons school and he was there. His nonchalance toward me is unbearable, like the last 22 years never happened. The switch flipped and I bought 2 bottles of wine and drank 1 and a half and spilled out the rest. I called him and and yelled at him quite a bit. I. feel like crap today.

I can't stop thinking about my mess up. I know I have to get back on track, no more booze in the house. So upset right now.

[Kradle123]

Husband left.... Need some help

It's completely understandable, Looking.
DO NOT get depressed over it. You are doing well and that Ex husband of your should be picking up the phone and helping your son together...no matter what, this is his child- try to be as proactive as possible.
My friends husband was cavalier in the beginning as well - they were married 16 years- ITS AN ACT...
No one can carry that emotional baggage for long.. Before you know it, his hair will turn white and he'll be getting warnings at his job...

Stay close,

[paguy]

Husband left.... Need some help

Looking -

My heart goes out to you for what you are going through. What I would like to offer here is to remind you of something you already know: alcohol does not solve the problem - period. You also know that to be successful, you have to face this problem head on with 100% conviction and determination. I know, easier said than done. However, try to interrupt the triggers that have driven you to drinking in the past, with positive thoughts of YOU being in control as opposed to ALCOHOL being in control. I think you may be surprised at how strong you really are.

I know you can do this. Believe in yourself.

My best wishes to you....

[Suesue]

Husband left.... Need some help

Your husband is the trigger it seems. His apparent nonchalance must hurt. When you feel the trigger and urge to drink come post on here. We will help you overcome the urges. Drink is bad. It won't help you it just hurts you. You can do this but you need to do it without drink. Get strength from being sober. Cling to it cos it's what's going to save you and get you through this. You can do this.

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

I'm still standing. After the binge I went on on Friday, I have remained AF. My husband is still gone, my son is still autistic, but I learned I can handle it without booze. Sometimes it seems unbearable, but it is doable. I still have a lot of issues to deal with but I don't have the additional burden of drinking and all of the guilt, shame, sickness, etc. that goes with it to top things off. The drinking burden is equal to, if not more than, the burden of a husband leaving and an autistic son combined.

Thanks for all of the supportive words.

[looking for peace]

Husband left.... Need some help

It's Saturday night and I'm feeling a bit shaky. Cravings are going in and out like waves. All evening. I am a bit lonely, so that's a trigger.... Saturday night is a trigger... Not having my husband at home is yet another trigger. It's my son's homecoming today and I have no one to share the experience with. I'm picking up my son in 2 hours. It's a long night.

[Accountable for Me]

Husband left.... Need some help

Hang in there!!! xoxo. You are doing so good! Your son is soooooooooooooo lucky to have a mom like you. Don't ever forget that! It is us mom's that keep the family together, or are the ones that take care of the kids no matter what! Peace, Love and Strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!