I cheated while drunk :`(

[prayingitsnottolate]

:new::upset: Last night I started drinking after work heavy 12 Percent alcoholic cans of beer then drank 2 more lite beers, was in an emotional mood and worried about some financial issues that I am dealing with. My boyfriend left for the night as to stop us from possibly getting into an argument. Instead of staying home and getting something to eat I went to a bar with the intention of only having a couple more beers and going home. I drank those 2 beers then proceeded to drink about a 6 pack more. A guy and his friend started to talk to me and somehow I agreed to go back to their hotel. Ended up allowing this guy to have sex with me even though I told him I am in a relationship. I am so devastated and feel so horrible, ashamed, disgusted and at my last straw. I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for 9 years now and we both drink but he has told me in the past that when I drink to much I become absolutely horrible to him. I am so afraid of what to do. I never ever have cheated on him in the past and I know that he wouldn't forgive me if I tell him, but if I don't tell him I don't know if I could ever make love to him again and not feel guilty. I have been drinking since high school, moderately but for the past 5 or 6 years it's been almost every day. 4 years ago, I lost my job, then lost my license because of a DUI, then lost my mom almost 2 years ago, and my kids left to live with their father while I was with my mom and have decided to stay with him. I started drinking really heavily after all of this. I am back to work but am in debt and trying hard to make ends meet. I am ready to let this shit go. It has caused so much pain and problems with the people I love and care for and I don't want to wake up in the morning anymore with regrets or guilt about what I did the night before. I have had blackouts where I can't remember what I said or did. I could really use some advice and support right now. Please and Thank You!

[Sake123]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Praying - I am really sorry you're having to go through this...I can't tell you how to deal with it. But I can tell you that this is a perfect place to get acceptance and great advice on how to become a sober person. Whether or not to tell him is a personal thing. I was in almost same scenario years ago. After a ton of heartache, remorse etc. I decided not to tell the guy. I would only be hurting him. It might elevate guilt for me but at his expense.

I hope that you can find a way to put these horrible feelings to use, use them to get mad and get sober.

Wishing you peace and comfort where you are right now!

[halo]

I cheated while drunk :`(

praying, now is the time to make that change. You have to stop the cycle of despair and addiction, and the best way to do that is to stop drinking. Put the past in the past and know that you have the chance to change the future for the better...It is your life, you are in control and are the only one who can make it better. And trust me an alcohol free life is indeed a better life.

[prayingitsnottolate]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Sake you are so right. I need to use my anger at myself and my choices and learn to live sober. I don't want to wake up regretting anymore. I am taking my first steps tonight to say no to alcohol and yes to life. I am just trying to keep from crying. Couldn't even make it into work today. Halo, thank you for your advice and your inspiration. I have somehow known I have had a problem with alcohol for a while, I just didn't want to face it.I just have been in denial. After last night I now know that I can't drink. I always believed I was a strong person, but am now learning my weakness.

[Kradle123]

I cheated while drunk :`(

You are not alone Praying... :l

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...elp-78111.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...-do-77741.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...tom-69991.html

:l:h

[available]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Praying i am sorry to hear of the crap you have been going through but the thing that makes me the maddest is the arseholes who took advantage of you. I have had that done to me on occasion also and we are left with the guilt and shame and no damn enjoyment either mind you. In saying that though you are the only one who can change your life and want help. I personally would not tell the bf at the moment until you are clear headed and can be honest and open.

We all on this site have a problem with alcohol or else we would not be on here. I was an everyday drinker and still could be if i chose to, at this stage i choose not to. It is hard, its fucking hard but so is being drunk and acting like a fool, which we have all done on way too many occasions.

I hope you can do some AF days and maybe write down how you feel, you are here now which is great and with some amazing people who will try and help you but you have to want to help yourself. Stay strong and on here and please keep posting.

[prayingitsnottolate]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Thank you Kradle! Available it is very hard, today is going to be very trying for me. Not only is the thought and guilt still there from what I did the other night but in less than 2 hours I have to be in court because I am being sued by Discover Card and don't have the means to pay them right now. Just going to be a long trying day. Will hopefully be back on later. I am shaky, nervous, filled with complete gut wrenching anxiety and just mentally in a state of fog.

[K9Lover]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Welcome Praying!
ALL of us here have done things drunk that we regret horribly the next day. I just hope that you were not physically hurt during your incident, or put yourself at more risk than necessary. And I agree with Available, those guys were assholes and took complete advantage of you. But you know how to prevent that from ever happening again...do NOT drink, be sober and in complete control! I suggest you focus on your court today, then treat yourself kindly, recover from your hangover...read and post around the boards. Come and join us over in the Newbies Nest. We can help you. I have done so many bad things drunk, but I've climbed out of the hole...and you can too. Stick close to us!!
K9

[prayingitsnottolate]

I cheated while drunk :`(

I am beginning to realize that I just don't know how to stop. I want so bad too, but I hate feeling like shit.....I need strength and I realize that I can go days being "normal" but when I'm off I am off for a while. Hating myself every step of the way but not believing in my own power. I just don't know anymore.

[prayingitsnottolate]

I cheated while drunk :`(

K-nine I love what you are saying and for some reason I have an affinity for you. It's weird but somehow somewhere in this poisonous mind and body of mine I know if I listen long enough and can somehow let go I will understand.

[prayingitsnottolate]

I cheated while drunk :`(

https://sphotos-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/p480x480/1238206_533649790051067_128584065_n.jpg

[little beagle]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Having some sober time and letting the fog lift from your mind will really help you. We all have gone down the rabbit hole at one time or another. How and whether you get back out is your decision.
I have done some really terrible things when drunk. It was really hard for me to look at myself in the mirror I was so ashamed. I feel so different since finding mwo and not drinking. I hope you will let this place help you. You will not regret it.
:l

[Sake123]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Praying - are you still with us? I sure hope so. I don't know you but it sounds like you're being super hard on yourself. Which I understand...most of us have been in your shoes. I just hope that you'll try to remember that while it's not easy to put down the bottle, the rewards are beyond amazing. I'm really only starting my second week but I realize now that I was letting my addiction lie to me for the longest time. Drinking wasn't the solution to my problems or stress, it just made this 1000 x's worse. I hope that you can "just not drink" a minute at a time until you have just a little time under your belt. You will see, it feel fantastic. I don't ever want to forget how damn good this feels!!

Wishing you peace!

[morrison]

I cheated while drunk :`(

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[skullbabyland]

I cheated while drunk :`(

Hey Praying-- please rest assured that it is indeed not too late. Things are bad now but they won't always be. Many here have dug themselves out and made themselves well and you can too. I know you're going through a lot of self-loathing and anxiety right now, but please try to be gentle with yourself. You are not a bad person, you have a medically-recognized illness, and can get well. Regardless of anything that's happened while you were drinking, you are as worthy of love as anyone else.

There are actually some viable options now for treatment- all of which are represented here on MWO in various forms. There are in fact medication treatments that work, there are support groups that work, there are other avenues. I myself am successfully getting myself sober and healthy, a feat I wouldn't have considered possibly until recently. Do some reading around here and keep posting, we're here for you.

Skully