May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

[DayOne]

I have known that I have a drinking problem probably from the first day that I took a drink. It changed me and made me feel like someone worth talking to I felt fun and adventurous for the first time. Alcohol has been my crutch and my mask for as long as I can remember. I stopped drinking for 8 months and I felt great but when I started to not feel so great I justified that I had done so well that in fact I probably did not have a problem with alcohol after all. I slowly let alcohol back into my life, at first it went well and then as it inevitably always will with me it started causing problems. I may have cheated on my boyfriend this week and I don't even know because I was so drunk. I put myself in a very bad situation where something could have happened but I honestly do not remember if anything happened. I have tried asking the guy I was with through FB but have gotten no reply. I don't know what to do now, do I tell my boyfriend that something might have happened? I know that was my rock bottom and I will never drink again. Every time I even think of drinking I will remember how low I feel right now. It is all I can think about. I have not told anyone because I am so ashamed. What do I do? I really need advice.

[Rusty]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Welcome DayOne!


I would not tell your boyfriend. Because you are NOT sure. If HE brings it up, then tell him you are soooo sorry but you don't know what happened, and you won't do it again because you want to be AF (alcohol free).


Good luck and keep posting!

[Sake123]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

I'm with Rusty. I wouldn't say anything to your boyfriend. You'll only hurt him. Find out the truth first. But I hope that this really is going to be the fuel you need to stop drinking. I think you'll find a lot of people on this forum who have made mistakes...awful mistakes because of alcohol.

[little beagle]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Isn't that the truth. I have done some happy, stupid, embarrassing things. Do not tell him unless you find out what really happened. And even then I wouldn't tell him. Just learn a valuable lesson. And shame on the man who took advantage of you.

[DayOne]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Hard

I take full responsibility for my actions drunk or not that is why it is so hard. I don't know how to get past this feeling that I am a horrible person. I know that I would never put myself in a situation where I would be unfaithful sober and I am just so angry at myself for letting alcohol once again dictate my actions. I still don't even know if anything did happen but it's eating at me not knowing, and feeling like a cheater and a liar.

[spacebebe01]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Day one I also think you should not tell your boyfriend, you would be doing so to try and ease your guilt but will make him unhappy in turn. You don't even know if you did cheat or not, has anything come back to you now, I hate to sound crude where there any tell tale signs that you did have sex that night. I wouldn't chase the guy to ask him again, in fact can you take him off your facebook account if you got that close that this may have happened its probably not a good idea to be friends with him in future. That would be a positive step and a practical thing to do. You need to try to put this out of your mind and it is at least posstive in that it has made you want to stop drinking. This may well be the turning point in your life if you can get rid of the guilt, otherwise it will just plague you in future. Try to divert your thoughts about it for now and also try to do positive things to build a better relationship with your boyfriend, make a nice meal, suggest an outing, spending more good time with him should help you get closer again. If he finds out then you do have to tell him the truth but the chances are that he wont. I did sleep with the most out of bounds person I can think of and admitted it, I should not have I was drunk and not thinking straight when I told and it nearly broke my family apart permanatly and has left deep scars on both of us. I should have taken the chance that he would not find out I only hurt him by telling him.

[K9Lover]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

DayOne,
Welcome...we're glad you've found us. I hope this will be exactly the thing you need to make your realize how alcohol can ruin lives. I wouldn't tell your BF at this point. I would however go to the doctor...how can you be sure that you were safe...IF it even happened? You never have to feel this way again, as long as you don't drink. Head over to the Newbies Nest for lots of advice and support. Stick around and let us know how you're doing ok?
K9

[lucky 2.0]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

I agree- DO NOT TELL! What good could possibly come from telling?

[roadrunner777]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Hi Day One,
I'm pretty new here, but alcohol and me go way back, and I had frequent blackouts. Two points:

1. As mentioned, it sounds like you don't know for sure if you had protected sex or sex at all. So, you may or may not have acquired an STD. The answer pretty much drives if you tell your boyfriend or not. I'm not a doctor, I don't know how long it takes from exposure to a detectable infection. I imagine there are clinics in your area that could answer that question for you and give you advice towards the STD. If you have an STD, pass it to your boyfriend, then you are pretty much up the creek for not telling him sooner.

2. Most everything you have written suggests you have a problem with alcohol, as you said in the beginning. The solution to this is obvious, and this is a good starting point! Good for you! There may have been a date-rape drug involved here too, I guess we won't ever know, but you are on track to the one sure solution.

All the best...

~Phil

[DayOne]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

thanks

Thanks everyone for all the advice. Sometimes it feels like I am the only person out there that makes such bad decisions. It is nice to know there are people out there that have similar problems with alcohol and have also made bad decisions but have overcome them. I am feeling a bit better, trying to stay positive and not get too down on myself. I honestly do not think anything happened and if something did I am 90% sure that it did not involve sex. It is just so scary to deal with the fact that I could blackout and really not know what happened. I just wish I knew if anything happened so that I could move on. I have decided not to tell my boyfriend at this point as it would only hurt him and I do not know if anything even happened. That being said I know that this is a decision that I will never have to deal with again as I am sticking to sobriety. Thanks again for all the support and advice. :thanks:

[TJAF]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

Day One We are so lucky to have some experienced and very wise long time abstainers on this site and K9 is one of them. I wouldnt have thought to tell you to see a Doctor but man oh man is she right. Not to scare you but the last thing you want is having your boyfriend find out about what happened after a visit to his Doctor. Dont beat yourself up though. We have all experienced things that we've done that we would have never done sober. The best takeaway and maybe a blessing in disguise is that you get to spend the rest of your life healthy and sober. One other thought, stay away from social media, ( I dont mean MWO) including facebook in openly discussing this issue if you want to remain private. Even though I am guessing that you contacted the man you were with through Facebooks IM doesnt mean it wouldnt end up public. My advice to everyone is to leave the baby, pet and cute grandkid pics for Facebook and Twitter. Anything else pick up a phone or even better talk face to face.

[sanchez]

May have cheated? This is my rock bottom

DayOne;1560798 wrote: I know that was my rock bottom and I will never drink again. Every time I even think of drinking I will remember how low I feel right now. It is all I can think about. I have not told anyone because I am so ashamed. What do I do? I really need advice.

DayOne - My go-to word has been "remember". While simple, it takes me back to the night I hit rock bottom. All I have to do is think about that night, and I quiver. Over time we tend to forget the impact of things and the seriousness of situations. Hoping in this case I never forget that night.

K9 and TJAF gave some good advice. Go to the doc and don't put anything on FB. Go easy on yourself and learn from this. Quit the AL and try finding a word or phrase to take you back to that place to remind you of this feeling.

Hang in there! We're here to help. :l