Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

[chiara]

I am absolutely devastated, I just found out that I cheated on my boyfriend last weekend, and I don't even remember it!!!

I have had problems with blackouts when binge drinking before, but my alcohol habits have changed drastically over the last year.

To make a long story short ... I moved out of country and have had a hard time settling in where I am currently living.

I have also been dealing with the emotional wounds from my abusive ex. I got a severe depression this year, and I developed the habit of drinking alone at home. I'm 28 years old, and I never ever thought I would find myself in this situation. It is so surreal! I have had nights where I have been drinking up to four wine bottles alone. I don't feel the urge to drink on a daily basis, but as soon as things are starting to get rough it becomes an easy escape. I have times where I am getting scared for my own safety, and my family does not know about my problems.

I met my current boyfriend three months ago, and after I met him everything has been going a lot better. I haven't been drinking too much, and I was finally able to put my last relationship behind me. Last weekend though, we met a rough path, and I decided to go to my friends house to relax, have a few beers and watch a football game.

During that night I managed to get a complete blackout, and I woke up in a bedroom alone without my panties on. I thought that I had kissed one of the guys at the party and that we had nearly had sex. Tonight though, he contacted me, and told me that he thought we had sex that night.

It is the worst message I have ever gotten! I don't know what to do now!

I love my boyfriend so much, and I know that he will be absolutely devastated by this. He is the best thing that have happened to me in such a long time, he is such a good person, and he does not deserve any of this. I'm pretty sure it will be the end of our relationship. I feel like garbage. This is really the biggest mistake of my life!!! I don't know what to do!!

[3June2013]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Chiara I think you need to address these issues separately. Do you want to stop drinking? It would help a lot to have a clear head. Also, it sounds like your drinking habits are becoming a danger to you.

[chiara]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Yes, I absolutely want to stop drinking! I am realizing now how bad my drinking habits really are. I have been able to stop drinking by myself after I met my boyfriend, but I have a social life, and I have still been drinking on occasions. Last weekend we had a discussion about our future together and it was enough to knock me off balance. I wasn't planning on getting drunk that night, but I did have the urge to go out drinking. I'm starting to realize that I have a problem now, and that I need to act on it! I'm just really scared it is going to cost me my relationship

[chiara]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

I'm sorry, I ment that I am scared that I have ruined my relationship!

[Kradle123]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Hi Chiara & :welcome:

I think June is absolutely right: these are separate issues and the first you need to address is the Alcohol...
You have definitely come to the right place for that. :l First, are you in a safe place to detox? Do you have someone in your personal space whom you can trust? 4 bottles of wine, even if it isn't every night, is of course cause for concern. Do you have access to a physician? Is your family available to speak to? Would they be sympathetic?

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic to the boyfriend situation but based on what you described this is the least of your worries.

Please visit the Newbie Nest and The Tool box. - links are in my bottom signature. These are great threads to start with. Lots of amazing people who've stepped in your shoes...in fact there are several thread on the boards now started by people who found themselves in ver similar circumstances.

You are not alone anymore:l
It's late. Will check in you tomorrow. Please some sleep. I promise the pain of all this is not forever...
Time for bed. :l:h

[chiara]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Thank you so much for your replies, they have really helped me so much today!!

[rebirth]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Hi Chiara,

It is absolutely necessary for you to stop drinking. I was like you about four years ago. Had lots of blackouts and did a lot of stupid things while drunk ( also slept with men that I wasn't even attracted to). I am surprised I was never raped to be honest.

Please make your drinking issues a priority. Sort yourself out first and then address the cheating. If you think you can control yourself in the future then I wouldn't say anything to him.

But if you keep repeating this kind of behaviour then you will need to tell him.

[available]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Hi Chiara and welcome aboard and hope you enjoy your journey with MWO as that is what it is a journey to a better you and a better life and with the wealth of support from here it makes it a more enjoyable ride. One day at a time AF is all we set goals to achieve and lots of people have done so well.

The paragraph that struck me was "He thought we had sex too". I have been there that many times it is not worth thinking about and I am nearly 50. But we keep thinking about what we have done and you are he only one that can change that aspect of your life. If you change the AL factor in your life then your life will change for the better. It has for mine after 15+ years of one or two bottles a night.

My two cents worth is dont tell him yet, get yourself in order and then see how you feel. If you do tell him then you need to be prepared for the worst really and with AL in your life you wont be ever prepared to deal with the real world.

I am just starting to deal with a boyfriend sober and it is hard, he does not know about my AL habit. Do I tell him, dont I? I dont know.

You are in the right place so stay close and keep in touch.

[chiara]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Thank you so much for all of your support!! I told my boyfriend what happened yesterday, I panicked and I told him over Facebook. It it probably the second most stupid thing I have ever done, he immediately deleted me from all his social network sites. He even blocked me on Facebook so I am not able to write him messages there anymore. He tweeted a song this morning implying he wants me back, but when I tried to write him a message today he didn't reply. I tried to call him after and he just hangs up on me. He doesn't even want to hear the explanation, so I don't get to tell him my side of the story. I just feel so empty right now, I have been crying constantly all day. I'm not sure if I will ever hear from him again.

Any of you been in a similar situation? Is there any way to get him back again?

[K9Lover]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Telling him over Facebook was probably not a very good idea. For something that serious, he deserved to hear it in person. How is telling "your side of the story" going to help? I wish you the best of luck, but I think you should just stay focused on not drinking for now.

[MossRose]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Hi Chiara and welcome. As the others have said, you have two issues going on here. Your first priority must be to stop drinking. For you!! I have mentioned in several previous posts that when I started having blackouts, I knew it was time to quit. I too did a lot of damage to my most precious relationships during that time. It was only after I quit drinking and started to make amends and prove that I would stay the course that those dearest to me starting letting me back into their lives. It's been a tough journey, and it takes some time, but it is oh so worth it.

The relationship with your BF may be repairable in the future, but I won't lie, it will be tough. But I can assure you that if you continue to drink to the blackout stage, it will be impossible. Infidelity is difficult to overcome no matter what the circumstances. But true remorse followed up with action (no AL) may allow him to forgive you. But first, you need to work on yourself. You are not alone. We have all done things we regret while drunk. You can't change the past - but you can change your future.

Be kind to yourself. We're here for you. xx

[available]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Well said K9, facebook has its places and telling the bf was probably not a good idea. He is hurt obviously as you are so give him time and let him come to you. Keep off the AL and get yourself healthy, you need to concentrate on you.

AL is a vicious addiction that can only be broken by you and your determination. My son has given up his ICE addiction so any addiction can be overcome with love and support.

Keep on here and keep busy.

[chiara]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Yes, telling him on Facebook was the worst thing I could have done. I haven't been able to think clearly and I reacted on impulse. Very stupid, and yes he deserves so much better. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I'm feeling slightly better now. I have been able to keep myself from drinking, and I have been in touch with my family and best friends back home through Skype. They have talked me through the day and that has really helped a lot.

I told my sister about my alcohol problems, she has a hard time accepting the situation as I never told her how my life here really was. I guess I have been good at faking happy

One of my drinking friends offered me to come over this evening and I was able to turn down the offer. It was very tempting though, and my mind slipped when my boyfriend refused to take my calls. I think the hard part now is to remember to quit drinking for myself, and not just for him. It will be hard because I don't care a lot about myself. But, I think I can do it

I am so glad I found this forum, thank you so much for your replies! They are really helping me getting through this time

[available]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Good to see you are still on here and telling a family member. Its funny how people find it hard to accept, to a lot it is normal to have a few drinks and stop to us alcoholics it is impossible to have just a few unless it involves a bottle or more and oblivion.

You need to quit for you and no one else Chiara. When we come on this site we all dont care about ourselves but the people on here do care about us and thats what makes it a great place. One day at a time is all we can do and there are some amazing success stories on here.

[MossRose]

Blackout/cheating/ developing addiction?

Yep - most of us arrive here not caring much about ourselves. Our psyches are bruised and battered and our lives are in turmoil. But Avail is right - we do care about you and we will be by your side every step of the way. We have all been where you are now and we truly understand. Now it's time for you to take care of yourself. Put all of your energy into healing your life. You are important. You deserve to be happy. And you will get there.

You will be amazed at how the other things in your life start to fall into place once you make a commitment to change your path. Hang in there Chiara. You can do this.

Avail - good to see you. Hope all is well in your world.

Edited to add: I'm glad you trusted your sister. Support IRL is so important and it sounds like you have that