Witching hour - help!

[Change]

Witching hour - help!

Well, after four days sober (mostly forced by work), i am pleased to say i have made some decisions. One, to knock out the using, one sided friendships i have. I kind of have to go it alone. After working around people for the past few days and then coming home to an empty, lonely house in a suburb i hate, i know without a doubt that my major problem is isolation. I've decided that I've just got stay busy, get in the car and drive, go to populated areas, do whatever it takes to while away the time till i can get the hell out of here.

Am very disappointed in those i used to call friends and am realising everyone is their own best friend and i need to be mine, which entails making my own decisions that are in my OWN best interest. I am ready for a big change, a life changing event, bring it on Universe! I want to be around people and experience connectedness, not seperation. I want a loving, reciprical relationship, not the devestating three year one sided obsession i've had with someone who thinks absolutely zero about me.

[MossRose]

Witching hour - help!

Change, I totally understand about the isolation thing. I too come home to an empty house now, and it's been hard, although I'm finally getting better at it. My divorce definitely threw me for a loop. You mention a "three year one sided obsession" but I'm a bit confused. Is this a love interest? A good friend? Would it be okay with you to share a few more details so we can have a better understanding of what you are going through. Maybe we could be of more help then. But in any case, i think getting out, and meeting new people is a great idea. I'm a bit of a loner, so it's not easy for me to do that even though I know how healthy it would be. I have lost friends through all of this, but have regained my faith in myself. Hang in there and keep us posted.

[Change]

Witching hour - help!

MossRose;1568913 wrote: "three year one sided obsession" but I'm a bit confused.

Hi MossRose,

Thank you for your message. I hope the days are getting better in your home. One thing i have learned is that it is important to be connected to "community", to those around you and the area around you, eg, the area in which you live. You want to be able to feel "at home" when you walk out the door, enjoy seeing the people you see in your area, go for a walk or a coffee, and just enjoy it. It is also important to enjoy and appreciate the attractions it has, for example, parks, the beach, the forest, shopping strip etc. So, i hope you have those around you.

My three year obsession is a one-sided fantasy (it seems, unrequited love would be more accurate) i had about someone i met, well... three years ago in a chance encounter (through a professional situation). Somehow, i convinced myself that she shared the same feelings for me, but couldn't bring herself to admit it. I am female too by the way. I had built an entire fantasy relationship around her and somehow convinced myself that she was the one i'd been waiting for my whole life (you know when you save that little part of yourself for ONE person only and just one?). I willed and willed it and put it out there that if i could just see her one more time (by chance), that i could turn it all around and somehow start a friendship with her (i spent countless hours going over all the possibilities and scenarios in my head). If you could "will" something into existance, i tried my hardest, i can tell you. I have never wanted to know somebody so badly, ever! I could only hope that somebody would want to know the real me even half of my desire for her. 75% would be great!

Now, it has all been a waste of time. Three years of will and desire. Sad.

Anyway, i have to get on with it. I have now realised that i want somebody to desire me the way i desired her, and i don't mean sexually. I mean wanting to get to know me and want to be with me, the real me, not the "confident" me i used to put on for the world. I'm also toying with the idea that the love i poured into this fictituous figure (although real, but fictituous in a way) i should be pouring into myself. Loving myself as it were.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Will probably read over this in time to come and hopefully see the humour in it

[MossRose]

Witching hour - help!

Change - okay this all makes sense now. Unrequited love hurts. Does she have any idea how you feel? Is it safe to tell her? Or is there an impediment to this relationship? Truthfully, I really think that right now, you need to refocus all of your love and energy to healing yourself. Once you are in a good, healthy place, then you can decide what it is you really want and need. I know this sounds so cliche, but it really is true. Love will find you then. But you need to be ready - body, mind and spirit. xx. Take very good of yourself, Change. You deserve it.

[Change]

Witching hour - help!

MossRose;1568941 wrote: Change - okay this all makes sense now. Unrequited love hurts. Does she have any idea how you feel? Is it safe to tell her? Or is there an impediment to this relationship? Truthfully, I really think that right now, you need to refocus all of your love and energy to healing yourself. Once you are in a good, healthy place, then you can decide what it is you really want and need. I know this sounds so cliche, but it really is true. Love will find you then. But you need to be ready - body, mind and spirit. xx. Take very good of yourself, Change. You deserve it.

Thanks MossRose, this is exactly what i need There was an indepiment.

Anyway, you're right. I need to concentrate on myself and be ruthless about it. Why is "selfish" such a dirty word? It is something that has been missing for years.

[MossRose]

Witching hour - help!

Change - there is absolutely nothing selfish about taking time for yourself. I too was raised with some crazy notion that putting myself first ever was "selfish." Look where that got us That's been one of the most difficult parts of my journey - trying to rewire my brain to accept that self-care is healthy. The more I heal my life, the more I have to give to others. It's just that simple. But not always easy to do. So my advice is to be ruthless about it. Those who truly love you will understand.