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    Betrayed My Girlfriend

    Hello, I am writing on here because I truely feel horrible for what I did and cannot explain to anybody else as I get the chills just thinking about writing it:upset:. Lets get on to what happened. About a year and a half ago I decided to go up to a friend of mines second house, with 3 guys and 3 girls. I did not think much of the girls because one of them had a boyfriend that was with us, and one of them was seeing a guy. I thought that this was no problem because the two other girls knew I had a girlfriend. I decided it was the end of school and I felt like I needed a mini vacation. So to the best of my knowledge I thought that there were four guys going up and three girls, but before we went to the second house, my so called friend who invited me told me that the fourth guy friend was not going. We arrived at the second house fairly early in the morning and started to drink to celebrate being off of school. Drinking went on throughout the day and there were no warning signs that one of the girls could be trying to make me do something that I would regret. After a long day of drinking and barely any food, the day seemed to be going well. That was until the night came around, and everyone there was beyond drunk. I had gone over the edge and drank the most that I had ever in my life.

    It was my birthday the next morning and I was going crazy telling everyone that it was my birthday (stupid drunk). One of my friends was getting a lap dance from his girlfriend and me and from what I remember me and my so called guy "friends" were playing cards. Then all of the sudden my guy friend tells one of the girls that it was my birthday the next morning and that she should give me a lap dance because it was going to be my birthday the next day. Needless to say, I ended up getting a dance from this girl for one song and everybody watched.After the dance I ended up going to the bed to crash, and everyone slept in the same room. The girl was in the room and had slept beside me on the floor and everyone except for the couple that was there had slept on the floor in a row. I know for sure that I did not kiss or have sex at all with this girl, but I still felt guilty. I knew that this girl was sort of seeing a guy at the time so their were no warning signs that came up as I was going to my friends house. I tried to alleviate the pain that I felt for doing this by trying to convince myself that it was nothing and that I was super drunk and that everyone does things that they regret when they are drunk. I was really stupid and immature, and decided that I was not going to tell my girlfriend and act as if everything was fine. We talked in the morning and I think it was agreed that everything got a bit out of hand.

    After that day, I tried to act as if nothing happened and wanted to forget about it, and just remember the good parts of the day. I tried to forgive my friend of suggesting the dance in the first place.

    Two weeks go by and my friend decides to have a party. Stupid me. I went thinking that the girl was not going to be there and that none of this was going to reoccur. I got super drunk again and ended up going to another friends house where he said I could stay for the night. The girl ended up coming to the friends house once again. I ended up falling asleep on a bed in his basement and she slept on the other side of the bed. I have no reason to lie on this forum, so I am being serious when I say that I did not do anything with the girl that night, but I knew that I had hit rock bottom. As soon as I woke up I bolted out of the guys house and went home. This was the crushing point. What was wrong with me. Why I did not pull myself together to leave that bed I have no clue, but I did have the decency not to kiss her or have sex. I knew from that point on that I never wanted to see this girl at any parties, or anywhere for that matter.

    Fast forward a couple months, I started to feel really guilty and the only way to relieve my guilt from me was to try and break up with my girlfriend who I truely did love to try and end this thing for good and protect her from what had been done. It was the stupidest mistake in my life as I could not do it, and after a few days I could not be without her and did not want to be without my girlfriend. I decided I need her in my life and wanted her to come back.

    After the new school year started, I became depressed and felt horrible about myself that I did not tell my girlfriend initially. This lead me to be staying up long nights thinking about what I had done wrong. I kept saying to myself that I could not have done that and that it did not happen. This occurrence was on and off for months, until i finally tried to forgive myself in march of this year.

    I subconsciously felt guilty about what I had done, but was able to get through my days and try not to have it on my mind.

    That brings me to now when one of the guys who was there at the scene of the crime, reminds me of what happened. Bringing up the bad memories, has made me feel more guilty than I did ever before. Over the last week or so I have not been able to get to sleep, all I am doing is thinking about it and crying. I feel like shit and have not been eating as I should. I feel terrible that the girl I'm in love with does not know, and I feel like I cannot live with myself. I have taken into account that if I do tell her, she will have a hard time dealing with it and may break up with me, which would be the worst thing in the world, even worse would be that I disappointed her. I try to carry the guilt and except the fact that it happened, it is very hard. But somewhere in me tells me that she could forgive me and that we could go on and have a healthy relationship as this is what happened to my parents when they were in high school.

    The scenarios that are running through my head are killing me, as I don't think that I would be able to go on without my girlfriend. But down the line I feel like it would only get worse f I were not to tell her. I don't think I can live with myself if I hold this in any longer as it is eating me alive knowing that I made this stupid mistake.

    She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I feel like I could not live without her. I feel like I have learned from these mistakes that I made that summer and have been trying to treat my girlfriend better. I feel like our love has grown stronger and stronger and I love her more and more, as each day passes. This is the worst for me. Since that summer I have not done anything that my girlfriend would not want me to do. I can truly say that this experience has been a major eye opener to me about life in general. i have been hanging out only with the friends that I know I can trust. I know that this will not happen again. I love my girlfriend too much to let it happen again. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't stand her not knowing the truth. I try to comfort myself by saying that I never kissed or had sex with the girl, but getting a lap dance and sleeping on the same bed was bad enough. I feel guilt all the time and there is not a damn day where I don't regret doing what I did.

    I think I know what I should do, but I would like advice from some people to reassure myself, that this is the right thing to do. Thank you for reading this post.

    #2
    Betrayed My Girlfriend

    So you didn't have any sort of sexual contact with anyone other than your girlfriend beyond a lap dance? Am I reading that right? How old are you - can I ask?

    Is your girlfriend the jealous type - is that why you think she would react badly?

    Maybe I'm weird, but if I was your girlfriend and you told me all that, I wouldn't be thrilled, but I would not see it as a betrayal. I have slept next to guys without there being any sexual intent. I personally don't see this as a big deal.

    After I got married I went to a wedding without my SO - he was on maneuvers with the Army. I got too drunk to drive and crashed in a hotel room with 4 or 5 guys I had just met that night, even sharing a bed with one of them. The hotel was full and I didn't want to drive. I told my SO and he wasn't thrilled, but he believed me when I said nothing happened.

    I think you were smart to stay put and not drive. Think how guilty you'd feel if you would have hurt someone driving drunk. I hope you can find some peace of mind.
    Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

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      #3
      Betrayed My Girlfriend

      hhmm
      do you not think that had you been sober, none of this guilt would be on you. Perhaps the guilt is more in the possible not knowing if you're were so drunk. I guess what trying to say is that you should perhaps take a look at how you got in this predicament.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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        #4
        Betrayed My Girlfriend

        I think you are way over thinking this. You souond like a gentleman and IMO did nothing wrong. But I DO hope you learned from it.
        Don't hurt someone you love....just make sure it doesn't happen again. Look HARD at your drinking...
        .
        I love my family more than alcohol.:h
        Live in the Solution....not the problem

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          #5
          Betrayed My Girlfriend

          I'm not sure that you betrayed your girlfriend, it sounds like you didn't really cheat on her. Yes, you were in a bad situation, and yes, you drank WAY too much. But you should be able to move past this...and hopefully quit drinking. Someday you WILL do something you truly regret.
          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

          Comment


            #6
            Betrayed My Girlfriend

            I'm 100 percent sure that this would not have happened if I were sober. I do not control myself very well when I drink and I just now am starting to realize all of the embarrassing stuff I have done but nothing has topped this. I am truly happy with my girlfriend and hope that this will pass but I cannot get over the fact. I know some people have done worse than this but I can't help feeling that I hurt the most important person in the world to me .

            Comment


              #7
              Betrayed My Girlfriend

              If you truly feel like you can't get past this without telling her, then tell her. Just be prepared for whatever reaction you get. She may forgive you and you'll be able to move on. Or she may from this point forward question your loyalty. It's a risk that only you can decide to take. Good luck!
              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

              Comment


                #8
                Betrayed My Girlfriend

                I don't want to ever hurt her but if the people that were there ever said anything I think it would be worse. I should have never went to that cottage or to the party. But what's done is done. If there was one thing that I could take back In my life so far it would be this

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                  #9
                  Betrayed My Girlfriend

                  HI FT and Welcome! :welcome:

                  There is'nt a soul here who has not done some variation of something we can't beleive we did while drinking...And More than once!!

                  Here's a good thread to poke through so you know you are not alone...
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...unk-58660.html
                  .

                  and Mama is right..you are WAY WAY WAY overthinking this...as I was reading your post, you were weaving a very tangled, twisted ball of yarn and I know that's easy to do when you are feeling badly about yourself.

                  So if I may untangle a thread or two for perspective...

                  1. You didn't have sex...you got hammered and a girl came onto you and while it would have been VERY easy to have sex with her YOU DID NOT...This is very POSITIVE thing...

                  2. You're girlfrend can't break up with you if you have already broken up with her...That part doesn't make sense:

                  I started to feel really guilty and the only way to relieve my guilt from me was to try and break up with my girlfriend
                  then you said :
                  I have taken into account that if I do tell her, she will have a hard time dealing with it and may break up with me, which would be the worst thing in the world

                  I apologise if I missed something there

                  3. Your guilt is very extreme and while remorse is a positive thing in our lives (keeps us from doing the same dumb things over and over and demonstrates we actually do have Charater) Extreme Guilt is symptomatic of something not so positive....

                  Your guilt looks Off The Charts IMO, FT :l
                  You might want to speak someone regarding this perspective which can be as unhealthy and crippling as drinking can be.

                  I hope this helps a little. Stay close:l:h
                  On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                  *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                    #10
                    Betrayed My Girlfriend

                    Thanks kradle123 for making me feel a bit better... I ended up getting back with my girlfriend. I can't be without her.. It been a long time since this has happened and I think im developing minor anxiety. I need advice from some positive people as the guy who was there reminded me, made me feel even worse then I already feel.

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                      #11
                      Betrayed My Girlfriend

                      FeelingTerrible;1576028 wrote: I need advice from some positive people as the guy who was there reminded me, made me feel even worse then I already feel.
                      I really hope this wasn't me. That was NOT my intent.
                      Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Betrayed My Girlfriend

                        Siren136;1576335 wrote: I really hope this wasn't me. That was NOT my intent.
                        I think he's referring to "the guy" that was at the party that keeps reminding him of the incident.

                        We know YOU have nothing but good intentions :l
                        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Betrayed My Girlfriend

                          K9Lover;1576446 wrote: I think he's referring to "the guy" that was at the party that keeps reminding him of the incident.

                          We know YOU have nothing but good intentions :l
                          Whew! I hope so!

                          FeelingTerrible - how are you doing?
                          Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Betrayed My Girlfriend

                            Not so great siren. I feel horrible still and yet I can't bring the courage to tell her... I think about it for most of the day and when I see her she is so happy and being with her is the only time I can forget. I love her so much and never meant for any of this to happen I feel as if she could eventually find out and hate me an resent me. I truly just want us to be happy together

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                              #15
                              Betrayed My Girlfriend

                              Is there any way you can just let it go...leave it in the past? You are really over-analyzing it. You didn't technically cheat on her. Sure, you were in a bad situation, but I'm sure you won't let that happen again, right? That's all anyone can ask of you. Please try to move on, dwelling on it will chip away at you. Focus on now and the future.
                              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                              Comment

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