Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated :(

[abetterme]

I have deleted my previous message as I want to forget all about the incident. I will not however be forgetting my sobriety :goodjob:

[chopden]

Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated

Hi there...I just typed a long, detailed reply then was timed out and am having to do it again grrrr...
Will try to not be too brief this time..
First of all - bear in mind I'm coming from a very different perspective- I'm a male in my mid 40s, happily married for 23 yrs. Having said that- every bad choice i have made in the last 30yrs has been directly connected to drinking.
I think you have two choices
1, keep this episode a secret from your boyfriend but learn to live with it
2, confess ( after gaining clarity in your own mind what happened - or more importantly didn't happen)
Whichever you decide, you need to use this as leverage to stop it happening again.

From what you've explained, it sounds unlikely that you had sex with your friend. If I were a betting man, I would put money on either, you took part in a kiss and cuddle on the sofa , or he took advantage of you - because I don't know you, I wouldn't know which one to put my money on )
If you do confess, I would make sure that you are doing it from the point of view that it is the thought of what could have happened that has upset you - that if you had been unfaithful , you would have lsot everything.....and that you need his support to stop drinking. Hopefully, he will help you to carry this out.
I do think you sound as if you have had a lucky escape - use it as a Christmas Carol moment- ( as in Dickens) - think of the future in a different scenario- if you had woken up the next morning naked next to your friend or with a STD. The thought of that will probably make you want to quit the drinking?

I think you need to use the experience as a warning of what the future holds if you don't stop.
See what others think,as I said, I am probably speaking from a different standpoint.
Just remember the Chinese proverb about the fact that rolling in mud doesn't get you clean.....thinking about the episode won't help you put it in the past ( I wish I could take my own advice on that one)
I hope it goes well for you x

[satz123]

Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated

Hi Chopden -love that Chinese proverb
Will keep that one !
How you doin ??

Edit : Sorry ABM for hijacking your thread. But I just cannot add any more to what Chop says - all true.
My opinion - nothing to be gained by you or BF by admitting to getting drunk - as that is all you know is true.

[available]

Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated

ABM welcome and i have been in your situation many many a time especially in my younger years. Woke up the morning after my 21st without my pants on and have no recollection of what happened. That was not the first time or the last. My uncle took advantage of me also, i dont know whether to classify it as rape but it was not consensual on my part. The only thing i know was that the above was due to al. I do know if i had not been drinking this would never ever have happened. I personally would not tell your partner, it will not achieve anything only hurt and pain. You seem to be suffering that as it is. Some things are better left unsaid. The only thing you can do is give up al as that is the only way to stop the madness. Even before i gave up al, i would get drunk and have sex with random people, i felt worthless, unloved. I know that is not the answer now, I am worth more than that. You are worthy of your partners love also try and remember that. You are not a bad person. Al has control of your life just like it has us. I hope that you try and stop so that you can be truly happy with what you have. I have lost so much to al and believe me it is soooo not worth it.

Great man view Chop its always good to get a mans perspective and it was very true.

Head over to the Newbies Nest and settle in. One day at a time with giving up alcohol but you can do this. Hugs

[abetterme]

Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated

Wow, thank you so much for your replies. They are very helpful and make me able to think that maybe I can try and put this behind me and believe that I am a good person. Chopden, I do feel a little taken advantage of, even if I did 'participate' I would have been totally out of my head (the fact that when my other girl friend left and said that I was passed out on the sofa and she couldn't move me shows how incapacitated I was), and not fully aware of what was happening. The male friend in question has known me for a long time and knows what I am like when I am drinking, but then I guess I can't blame him, he was obviously drunk as well...I don't know I do really like the Chinese proverb as well, I do have a tendency to dwell and perhaps that isn't always helpful when looking to the future and making changes... Thank you all for your support

[available]

Cheated (I think) while drunk, devastated

If i had a dollar for everytime i was taken advantage of i would be a millionaire by now. But no point dwelling on the past. Mind you when i did blackout etc i would wonder and worry for days about what happened. If you dont drink you dont need to wonder or worry.

Do a search on here for "You know you're an alcoholic when...". There are some sad but funny and very true stories of what we have all done while drunk. You are not alone by any means.