Gone so far south

[Uglyhat]

I must tell you all of the recent happenings in my life, things have gone so far south even I am amazed. In January, my wife and I went to Hawaii to do ayahausca on a couples retreat. It was nothing of the sort. I did one trip, saw demons and dragons, and fled into a binge. Since then I have seen my father sent to an Alzheimer's facility five states away, spent the next week trying to keep my mother fed (they've been married nearly 60 years) until we could get her sent off too. Then my Wife, my Beloved, my soulmate told me she wanted a divorce. We agreed to live in separate parts on our house. This worked fine until the stress got to me and I yelled and her, loudly and threatenlly. She called the deputies ans I spent the next week in county lockdown. Worst experience of my life. Since I got out I have been bouncing from hotel to hotel, trying to get myself into rehab, drinking beer but no vodka. I am so lost, wtf happened to my life?

[Byrdlady]

Gone so far south

Uglyhat, i am so sorry to hear that you are losing the people you treasure. I can tell you that getting AL out of your life will go a long way to making everything better. Without this false crutch, you are better able to cope with things. Can you pour out the AL that is left and vow to buy no more? Let's get you going on a path that you CAN manage. You will be surprised at what you can handle when AL is not your first GO-TO tool. Come join us in the newbies nest...we can help. I am glad you came back, you know you have support here.
Byrdie

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Gone so far south

Hi Ugly Hat.

It sounds like you are supposed to have a barrel full of lemonade right now, with everything seemingly happening at once.
Perhaps try to compartmentalize everything, and figure out:

1. What things are directly impacting you today?
2. What things can you change today?

Maybe write a list of everything, and do some soul searching. You wrote something very insightfull when you started here in January:

"If you are struggling, try to find some hope.
If you find none at the moment, know that I and others hold hope for you until you find your own."

Well, if you feel hopeless today.... what can you change now?
We are here to help you find your path. Stay close.

Hugs. Patty :l

[available]

Gone so far south

Ugly sorry to hear what you are going through, maybe this is your rock bottom and you now need to seriously consider giving up al. we all reach that point where big decisions have to be made and believe me without al in the equation it is so much easier to deal with life.

try and tackle one thing at a time so everything does not overwhelm you and drives you to drink and take one day at a time. Without al in the equation life goes on but it is easier to deal with sober.

I wish you all the best and you can do this without al. It is so much more enjoyable to face each and every day sober as hard as it may seem at the moment.

[Kradle123]

Gone so far south

UglyHat, I agree wholeheartedly with Byrdie and NotSo that you might need to break all this down into small bites..
First, who in he 3D world can you turn to? Second, Rehab sounds like a good plan, Third, do you feel up to sorting out the job situation??
Please stay very close here. Good job on starting on the journey :goodjob:

[little beagle]

Gone so far south

Uglyhat I too think no al in your life would lighten your burdens. Sticking close and just making a plan for not drinking is a good place to start. Clearing your head will help with all other decisions. :l
my heart goes out to you at this very frightening time in your life. Stick close here and you will have friends to help you get through it and get it sorted out.

[Uglyhat]

Gone so far south

thankyou everyone, esp Byrdlady. Your compassion and understanding is noted and highlighled. I must tell you I hurt so damn bad it's tough to leave the sauce. I know it will be better when I can do so. Gawd I need a hug. Until then, cyberhugs and my thanks.

[Uglyhat]

Gone so far south

thank you too Patty

[mama bear]

Gone so far south

thinking of you.......at work and can't really talk