i drank an obscene amount one day. i'm a very tiny girl, weigh 115 pounds & for some reason I thought it was a good idea to get wasted. i had multiple caesars, beers, shots, i drank to the point where i completely blacked out after the last place i left. i was with one of my good buddies at the time, someone i've known for 5 years & have never done anything with before in my life. everything goes black from that point on, the next thing i remember is realizing that i was having sex with someone who wasn't my boyfriend, im not sure how the realization kicked in but it's like i went from being completely blackout to completely sober once realizing what i was doing. i immediately stopped it right then and there, & broke down into a good 2 hour melt down. i am absolutely disgusted with myself. i have never been a cheater in my entire life, & i've only ever had long term relationships (1.5 years & 5.5 years) the guy i am currently with is my 3rd boyfriend & we've been together 9 months. we've discussed the future, marriage, kids, i'm 25 years old & am confident that he is the man of my dreams that i've been waiting for. i'm in a big dilemma because i'm unsure of what to do. I know deep down in my heart, i completely messed this up on my own, & that he has a right to know.. but I also know that he will leave me & i can't lose him. i decided that learning from this experience i am no longer going to drink because i know i made a huge mistake, but is that enough? is it wrong to sweep it under the rug? i can't shake the guilt that i'm feeling, it's consuming every second of my day.
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i made the biggest mistake of my life
Hi Random. Take a big, deep breath and let's talk this out. You don't mention if you are still drinking, but if are, please stop now. It will only make things worse. I know you are feeling very anxious right now. I have been there. I did some really awful things during my drinking years and I regret all of them. But what you have to concentrate on is the present and fixing what you have broken. That may sound harsh, but I have broken lots of relationships in my life by my drunken behavior. But there is very good news...these relationships can be repaired. It takes work, but it can happen. I am living proof.
Truly, no lectures. I feel your pain. So with that said, I want to have a conversation about guilt vs. remorse. Guilt is making a bad decision and then feeling bad for yourself because you have to pay the consequences. Guilt tries to hide, blame, and rug-sweep. Remorse is feeling horrible about hurting another person, wanting to make restitution, and not repeating the same mistake. I would say that you fall into the remorse category. That is an excellent start.
My long-term marriage fell apart due to infidelity, and I can promise you that it wasn't the affair that ended things, it was my ex-husband's lack of remorse that finished us. He felt guilt, but no remorse. That's how I know the difference. Remorse heals. Guilt and shame destroy. You'll just have to trust me on this.
I can't advise you on whether you should tell him or not. Right now, my advice would be to concentrate of getting, and staying, sober so that something like this never happens again. I would also think that it may be wise to stay far away from your friend for a while until you both can work out what happened. You and your "buddy" crossed the line, but that's a whole different issue. He may feel terrible too. I can't speak for him. Am I reading this situation correctly?
After you have gotten yourself to a good, strong place, then you can decide whether or not to tell your BF. He does have a right to know. But don't underestimate him. If he truly feels your remorse, he may be more forgiving than you can imagine. My ex deceived me for almost a year. That was a deliberate act. He made a conscious decision to do something that he knew would hurt me. You made a very bad decision while drunk. That doesn't make it right, but there are extenuating circumstances. You never deliberately set out to hurt him. If anything, you may have hurt yourself more.
So set your plan in place. Make sure you never put yourself in that position again, and try to forgive yourself. Let's get you strong first, and then we'll help you with the next step, ok? Take care of yourself. Sorry to ramble, but your post really caught my attention, and you sound like a good, decent person. -
i made the biggest mistake of my life
:lHugs.
If you come back to this web site, please let us know how you are doing."God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down." :hug:Comment
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i made the biggest mistake of my life
Random - didn't mean to scare you off. I was off on a tangent (as usual). Hope all is well with you. C'mon back and let us know how things are going. As I said before, everyone here, myself included, has stories. That's why we are all here, hon. Thinking of you.Comment
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i made the biggest mistake of my life
Hey it seems we are going through the same thing. Maybe we can help each other? How are you doing?Comment
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