Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Girlfriend + booze = monster :(

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    Girlfriend + booze = monster :(

    Hi everyone

    First up, thanks for listening

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for 18 months...

    The facts...

    I drink regularly - I'm always a happy drunk ( when she isn't having a meltdown ).
    I'm professionally employed, in good shape, and I take care of myself.
    I'm usually very much in control of my emotions , even when absolutely hammered at a music festival for example ( my mates and I don't have more than 2-3 beers if we go out for drinks in the week )
    If I am busy at work, focused on my music, cars etc, I can not touch booze for weeks and not need it.

    She doesn't drink regularly,
    She's professionally employed, in good shape, intelligent
    She doesn't usually drink during the week unless she meets with me and friends for a drink after work

    Here's the rub...

    Whenever she does drink heavily... We have had a massive fight. She says the most unholy, horrible, abusive things to me, and doesn't remember the next day.

    Some examples for what has happened on these occasions:

    1. She supposedly told my best friend that she loved him after abusing me non stop for 2 hours whenever I tried to help her at a music fest ( 1 month of dating )
    2. Let me drive around for 3 hours searching for her at various bars while out drinking with the men she works with ( I found her eventually, and then got verbally bashed the whole way home)
    3. Repeat 2. three times

    Then I thought it would be better to leave such situations if they occurred

    4. I left her at a music festival with male friends of hers after a verbal beating and drove to her fathers house to explain my behaviour and ask him to help
    5. I left her at a music festival with good friends of mine to avoid being screamed at in front of hundreds of people
    6. I left her at a beer fest with male friends of hers and walked 15 km back to my campsite to avoid having a massive fight

    I have addressed this with her repeatedly, and she is always super apologetic when I tell her what has happened, but it keeps happening.. I am now so worried about what happens when she goes out with her girl friends and comes home hammered, because if she behaves like that when I'm there, what is she like when I'm not?


    Please help? I love her, I really do... But I don't know how to avoid these situations anymore?

    I have always been a social drinker, and never had any problems with fighting with past girlfriends when alcohol is involved...

    I also am not sure I can handle another situation where disgusting comments are made, and waking up to explain it to her again

    Regards
    Broken
    Tags: None
    #2
    Girlfriend + booze = monster

    Bindog, if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's prolly a duck. Sounds like your GF is one of us. I think there are 2 things you can do to help the situation. Stop drinking yourself. When you go out with her, do not drink! This will shine a spot light on her. As alkies, we don't like this, but it may start a good conversation. If not drinking doesn't bother you, then this will be a simple thing to do. Secondly, tell her about this site and encourage her to join! I tell you, getting AL of my life was the single best thing I have done in my adult life. It did me no favors at all. I didn't think I could exist without it, but guess what? I am thriving! The fear of being without it is far worse than the reality of it. She may tell you she doesn't have a problem or tell you that she is 'cutting back' but trust me, we'll lie about this to keep our addiction going. The problem doesn't go away on its own, either, it is progressive and only gets worse. Good luck to you, we'll welcome her with open arms if you can't get her to join!! We are pulling for you! Byrdie

    P.S. Getting rid of AL may have to become of way of life for you, too, if you plan on this relationship being long term.
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

    Comment

      #3
      Girlfriend + booze = monster

      I both agree and disagree with Byrdie's post.

      Agree: It is progressive. I started out as a binge drinker. And I ended up as a full-blown alcoholic. And I behaved toward my wife in a similar, but worse way than your GF because I actually destroyed some of her possessions. For many years, I'd be "super-apologetic" to use your words and we'd patch things up. This is called enabling. My wife enabled me for years (there were no real consequences), until she was finally at the end of her rope, and told me she didn't want to be married to an alcoholic, and said it was rehab and ongoing therapy or a divorce. There finally were real consequences and you have to get that message across.

      Disagree: alcohol is not your problem. I see no need for you to have to quit yourself. One of our hobbies (still is my wife's hobbies) was tasting and collecting fine wines. She really loves it. She is not an alcoholic. I think it would be terribly unfair (especially in light of what I have put her through), to demand that she give up that hobby due to my shortcoming.
      In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

      Comment

        #4
        Girlfriend + booze = monster

        I was the Monster Girlfriend for years...only I drank every day...so my boyfriend did not have it easy, let me tell you. The only answer for me was to stop completely. I was only able to do that after he and I broke up, because he had his own addictions. This is her problem, but you can help her if you want to. But most importantly, SHE has to want it.
        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

        Comment

          #5
          Girlfriend + booze = monster

          Bindog, by any chance, does your girlfriend take any other medications?

          I ask because I was talking an anti-depressant for years (Welbutrin) and I still drank. My doctor switched me to a different anti-depressant (Cymbalta) and I still drank. Apparently, the Cymbalta works differently in one's system, and I didn't realize it.

          Google "Cymbalta and alcohol" and you'll find many stories of people who acted entirely irrational while drinking- similar to what you describe. I never felt drunk, so I drank one for one with the people I was at dinner with (big mistake).... they tell me I was totally obnoxious as the night progressed, to where I was jumping on their backs like a juvenile. I had no memory the next day and felt embarrassed.

          Considering many people take anti-depressants, I thought I'd ask.

          Here is a link to a forum where about 160 people expressed their concerns with Cymbalta and alcohol use. There are 11 pages of comments from ordinary people who have experienced blackouts and uncontrolled drinking.
          Increased alcohol use on Cymbalta ยท Depression & Mood Disorders discussions | Emotional & Mental Health center | SteadyHealth.com

          :hug: Patty
          "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
          so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."           :hug:

          Comment

            #6
            Girlfriend + booze = monster

            Hi Bindog,

            I am both a nightly drinker and a bindge drinker. I have been both mean to my husband and kids. I often dont rememer the night. Hence why i am giving alcohol up. She really does have to want it though. She may like the alchohol and is not ready to give it up, for you or anyone. Until she hits her rock bottom, she may continue to drink or start hiding it. Best of luck to you. I hope she choses you over the alcohol but alcohol is a strong disease!!!!! ugg
            ?Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.?

            ― John Wayne

            Comment

              #7
              Girlfriend + booze = monster

              Bindog- sorry to say you sound very much like almost all my ex boyfriends....EX being the operative word...they all loved me too, thought I was great...I was professionally employed, intelligent, gym bound gal but where AL was concerned...forget it...couldn't tell me a thing.

              I'm married now, children but my husband would tell you to run- I know he would because he spent years doing EXACTLY what you are doing now. I found MWO and a great therapist so I have been climbing up and out of this but, we have children and we have been together for almost 20 years- you are barely 6 months into what I guarantee will become the nightmare of your life.

              There are several threads here written by men just like u asking what to do about their GFs who drink way too much and then abuse them and then wake up all apologetic. I can dig them up...

              Ultimately of course, this is your choice. I'm so glad u found us but the fact that you were looking....and u have posted...well, I think you already know the answer to your question.

              Best to you, absolutely. :l
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

              Comment

                #8
                Girlfriend + booze = monster

                I suggest investing an hour in an Alanon meeting. You don't have to talk, no pressure, just a bunch of people in a situation very much like yours. You may gain some insight. With what I read so far, I would likely tell her that you are leaving if it happens again, and offer tools and support to help her recover. That means you have to stop too. If she makes the effort, hang on to her. If she doesn't care, then it's time to check-out. IMHO, of course.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Girlfriend + booze = monster

                  Bindog-ypur gf has to want to quit on her own.sometimes the road to the bottom is dark and deep, hopefully in your case it is not. Has she done anything besides apologize to show she is serious about quitting? Ultimately the pain will have to outweigh the pleasure for a lasting change.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Girlfriend + booze = monster

                    Hello Bindog, you haven't been back and posted, but thought I'd leave a message in case you are surfing- I hope all is okay with you and your girlfriend.
                    "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                    so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."                     :hug:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Girlfriend + booze = monster

                      Hi bindog, I think we kind a have a same situation and my girlfriend and keep fighting when she's drunk but we did agreed on something, we agreed not to drink together so drunken problems will not arise. So she's hanging out with her friends and I hangout with my friends. Basically solve some of the bashing and unnecessary arguments. I not sure if it will work for you. Good luck buddy.
                      Alcohol will hit you bad but you can always turn your back
                      Alcohol can bring a lot of misery but there is a solution because it's not a mystery
                      Alcohol will give you pleasure but in the future it will give you pain that you cannot treasure

                      Comment

                      Previous template Next
                      Working...
                      X