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    #31
    Dying inside......

    Hi, Moonchild:

    I am a fellow Moonchild, too. I hope you are feeling better. One great piece of advice I got from here is to write down absolutely everything you're feeling right now - all of the vivid details. If you feel like drinking again, read back and use that feeling as a reason not to drink.

    I hope you have gotten the help from your doctor. I agree with Happy, get yourself physically straightened out before you tackle the emotions - you'll be better equipped.

    Hope you're better today...

    Comment

      #32
      Dying inside......

      Hi Moon. I haven't jumped into this thread because I wasn't sure how my post would come off. It will be controversial for sure, but I want you to know that I post with love and hope that my story will help you. Some of the things I have to say may hurt a bit, but that's not my intention. My goal is to help you save your marriage.

      I am the other spouse. My ex-husband cheated on me. He was my best friend and I trusted him with my life. I won't lie - when I found out, my soul was crushed. And yes, my decades long marriage ended. But not for the reason you think. The cheating was a by-product of his drinking. I can see that very clearly now. At the time - not so much - I was hurt. I was outraged. But I've had some time to think since my divorce. My marriage could have been have saved, but we both did everything wrong. So here is my advice. Take what makes sense and throw the rest away.

      The obvious thing is you must stop drinking and never be alone with this person again. Period. That is non-negotiable. Secondly, when you husband finds out, and I don't mean to alarm you, but he very well may learn the truth. Most of us do. Sad but true. Anyway, if he does, you must do the following - show remorse, not guilt. I've touched on this before on these boards, but I can't stress enough that remorse heals, guilt harms. Guilt is self-protective - remorse is knowing that you have done something to harm another and wanting to make amends. You sound remorseful. That is what will save your marriage in the event that he finds out.

      Not to ramble, but this is so important. I gave my ex an ultimatum at the end - stop drinking along with me, sincerely apologize (sounds simple, but something I never really got because his guilt interfered), and work on this marriage. In the end, he chose to keep drinking. That's it. Everything that happened afterwards was just a by-product of that decision. The divorce could have been avoided if he hadn't poured that next drink.

      So in the end, it wasn't a drunken affair that ended our marriage. I was hurt, but I could have forgiven. It was the drinking and lack of remorse that ended our love. I hope this makes sense. I don't really know how to explain it better. But I do wish you the best and believe me, I have a few stories of my own that still make me cringe so no judgement here.

      Take care of yourself. All is not lost. You can turn this around. He loves you and wants your marriage to work. Trust me on that. Don't allow AL to rob you of all that is good in your life. It was one mistake. Learn from it, remember it - but don't allow it to destroy you.
      xx, MR
      Everything is going to be amazing

      Comment

        #33
        Dying inside......

        Drank again yesterday, god this is hard
        :new:

        Comment

          #34
          Dying inside......

          Moon - I posted a long, rambling bit of advice to you earlier, but I deleted it. I felt it was overwhelming at this point. But I am pleading with you to think about giving up AL. Your posts have been heart wrenching and I can assure you, from experience, that if you continue on this path, it will only get worse. This may sound harsh, but you have a lot to lose. Please be careful. I've been there. I lost.

          Love and light, MR.
          Everything is going to be amazing

          Comment

            #35
            Dying inside......

            Thank you Moss, and yes you are right I do have so much to lose, my days start with genuine good intentions and before I know it I'm back drinking again I hate hate hate it!
            :new:

            Comment

              #36
              Dying inside......

              Moon - I totally understand. I was there for years and years. Every day I would wake up and think...this is the day I quit. And then I didn't. And then one day - I DID! I think it's only because I lost so much due to my drinking that I want others to stop before it's too late, so I tend to be a bit obnoxious. But, I just want you to wrap your arms around the happiness in your life and not let go. I know I must sound maudlin. I am really a very happy person. It took a while to get here and a lot of hard knocks but I can truthfully say, life is good. I only wish I had done it earlier. You still have that chance. Rooting for you, girl. You can do this!
              Everything is going to be amazing

              Comment

                #37
                Dying inside......

                Thank you Moss, obnoxious is cool, I'll take that you have permission to kick my butt, I need it!!!
                :new:

                Comment

                  #38
                  Dying inside......

                  Moon, I can't add much to what others have recommended but wanted you to know that I'm also here and proud your taking honest and brave steps. It's so hard in the beginning sweetie but we're here for you and each other. Stay close.
                  :l:l:h
                  On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                  *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                  Comment

                    #39
                    Dying inside......

                    Strength to you Moon! You can do this.
                    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                    Comment

                      #40
                      Dying inside......

                      Moon - how are things going today? Thinking of you.
                      Everything is going to be amazing

                      Comment

                        #41
                        Dying inside......

                        I'm in a numb kind of fog, have barely slept for 3 days and when I do it's a mix of horrid vivid dreams, I just hope that I can move forward from this, we'll what's the alternative really :upset:
                        :new:

                        Comment

                          #42
                          Dying inside......

                          Moon,

                          It really is physically dangerous to mix the alcohol with anti-depressants. PLEASE be careful!
                          I hope you can be honest with your doctor- as it is life threatening. If you feel like you "must" drink, can you wean off the drugs?

                          :groupluv: Drink water. Eat ice cream. Make a milk shake. (There are less calories in them than in a bottle of wine! )

                          :hug: Patty
                          "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
                          so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."                           :hug:

                          Comment

                            #43
                            Dying inside......

                            Moon - it's not unusual to be in the fog for a bit. You've experienced a trauma. Your body and mind need to heal. So promise me that you will sleep when you need to (if possible), drink lots of fluids and eat as healthy as possible. It really does help. Hot baths with magnesium (epsom salt) may help you sleep. Lean on us. We are here for you.
                            Everything is going to be amazing

                            Comment

                              #44
                              Dying inside......

                              Thanks moss, i know I really shouldn't be drinking on the meds but can't seem to stop! Drank again last nite a lot too, my feet are so numb today I can barely walk??? Guilt still consuming me
                              :new:

                              Comment

                                #45
                                Dying inside......

                                Hi Moon. Thinking of you. It's time to get serious, right? If your body and mind are reeling from the drink, it's time to make a plan. I'll be here if you want to talk. But Moon - you know that this has to end now. You can't drink the guilt away. God knows - I tried for years. Please let me know how you are doing, and let's work this out together. Blessings and love, MR
                                Everything is going to be amazing

                                Comment

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