Help me please

[Iris11]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. I went on holiday without him and randomly met an old friend from my past. We decided to meet up and I got wildly drunk and stupidly went back to his place for another glass of wine. He tried to kiss and touch me and I said no. But sadly I lost control of what was going on and he started to take things further. He went inside me but I pushed him away and said I had to leave. I feel so sick now - it was two days ago and now I'm back home. I can't eat or sleep and I feel suicidal. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon. This would kill my boyfriend and it would kill me lose him. I am certain that the other man won't say anything as he promised me, I have known him for a long time and we don't really have any mutual friends. I just can't live with the guilt. I feel like my life has ended and I just want to die. I can't believe I was so stupid. I am in shock and if my bf sees me today I just know he'll know there's something up as I cannot hide it. I'm going to see my doctor as well this afternoon to go on anti-depressants. I kind of feel like
I was "raped" or taken advantage of as well. I just don't know how to feel - I really hate and loathe myself right now. I don't want to tell my bf as he could just not handle it and it would kill me. Please... Any advice... Whatever you can give.

[little beagle]

Help me please

I'm so sorry Iris. Alcohol lets us make a lot of bad decisions, that's for sure. I wouldn't tell what happened. And I would stop drinking so it doesn't happen again. I would use this experience as a lesson. Telling would only cause more problems. Talking to a therapist is a great idea. Staying with us here and not drinking will make you feel better.
Check out the Newbies Nest and the Toolbox.

[Iris11]

Help me please

Thank you

Thanks for your reply. It really brought a tear to my eye as you were so non judgemental of me even though I am a horrid person. I am not drinking again but I have said that before. I am a very anxious person and drinking is one of the only ways I feel that I can relax. I am in my late 20s but have been in hospital twice for drinking - broken bones, etc. I am a mess. No-one really seems to think my drinking is a problem, they just think that I'll grow out of it or it's what younger people do. It's not normal and it's not right. I still feel suicidal - how can I stop feeling this way?

[available]

Help me please

Iris you are not a horrid person, al is evil. We have all done things that we totally regret and drinking is the major cause of our antics. I have done what you did a few too many times that i want to remember. The regret and remorse were terrible but they fade with time. I would not tell your boyfriend but i would seriously consider giving up drinking and staying on mwo. Your friend should also shoulder blame as to me NO means NO even if drunk.

Even if no one thinks your drinking is a problem you realise it is. We do not grow out of being an alcoholic but we can learn to live with it by not drinking ever. Time not drinking will make you feel better daily although i advise going to your doctor and being honest and open and ask for help.

Stay on here and as LB says head over to the newbies nest for lots of support and guidance and keep reading and reading. we all have similar stories due to al.

[Iris11]

Help me please

You have no idea how much your responses mean to me. Finally I'm not alone in this. To consider ending my own life just shows how rock bottom I am.
I can't help but be paranoid that he will find out somehow, but I think it is unlikely. I would have to deny it. I just couldn't bear losing him or letting him down. Still feeling very fragile - I'm also worried that my therapist is going to make me feel bad about this or pressure me to confess. What I wanting of all is just not to feel suicidal any more.

[Kradle123]

Help me please

Hi Iris, I'm so happy you found us. We all have events in our past which are crushing so please know you're in good company here. :l

I can't advise you on what happened the other night and as trite as sounds, it will pass. Please remember that this is your journey....there will be bumps and bruises. We'll done for turning to us instead of another night out. :goodjob:

Stay close and please head over to the Newbie Nest, the link is in my signature.
:welcome::l

[Kradle123]

Help me please

Cross post, Iris- if you are worried about your therapist adding to your distress...it may be time for a new therapist- I don't they will, though- probably be more worried that an assault May have happened. Are you close to anyone in the 3D world you can confide in?

:h

[Iris11]

Help me please

Hi Kradle,
There is no-one I feel comfortable talking to, as I'm afraid that people will talk. Even my mum and my sister - they'll tell someone else in the family and so on. I wish I could and came very close to doing so today but decided not to

[SKendall]

Help me please

I am just repeating what our posters have to say. There is no judgement here, just a willingness to help newcomers. We have all been where you are and I so encourage you to post in the newbie's nest, where support and love is abundant.

Keep posting and you will be welcome and uplifted.

Go well, and form a plan using the tool box when you are ready.

[Iris11]

Help me please

I am making myself sick with scenarios where my partner finds out. He has a mutual friend on Facebook with the other guy even though there is no direct connection I am still concocting scenarios where say if we got married down the track the other guy would see a photo on fb. I went to my therapist and he was quite confronting and I was very upset. Have decided to see a new one. Does anyone else have any stories that they can share of a similar situation that has happened to them? I'm thinking it might help.

[satz123]

Help me please

Hi Iris- stay posting.
Your thread will catch folk's attention & I'm sure you will get lots of responses today.
Go to the Newbie's Nest - snuggle in & they will take care of you while you are still fragile.

The hangover and subsequent depression & anxiety it brings is not helping you -so give yourself time and take care of yourself with nice food and stay hydrated.

Only YOU know for sure if it was assault - be true to yourself and then take action on it.
If it was not then I suggest forgetting it and moving on to a sober life by posting here daily.

[K9Lover]

Help me please

Welcome Iris!

Please take a few days to try to get yourself physically recovered from the drinking episode. The mental side will take longer, but you WILL notice that it gets easier. It's completely up to you if you tell your BF or not, only you can decide if that will make things worse or (eventually) better. My only advice is to not make any RASH decisions, think about it for a while.

I, too, have done MANY shameful, embarrassing, hurtful things while drunk. Getting over it has taken some time, but it can be done. If your therapist is not helping, keep looking until you find one that does. Are you still feeling suicidal?

[Iris11]

Help me please

Thanks K9 lover. I'm still feeling pretty low but would not do anything like that. When I mentioned it to my therapist they wanted to contact the mental health team and of course I begged him not to as that would just make things a whole lot worse. I think you're right about time offering some perspective. I just don't know if I can live a lie, but then again many people manage to keep one transgression from their partner and go on to have happy lives. I just feel so rotten. Is it that easy just to keep a secret like this and move on?

[K9Lover]

Help me please

Well I wouldn't say it's "easy". But sometimes the truth can cause a lot of harm. If you MUST tell your BF, my advice would be to wait an extended amount of time (sober time!) and then explain to him that it happened while you were in the midst of your alcoholism. If you can prove that you are serious about quitting, I'm sure he'd take that into account and be more willing to forgive you. We ALL make mistakes, the key is to not repeat them. And if you're like most of us here, alcohol is the root of our problems!

[Iris11]

Help me please

I couldn't tell him, but I just don't know how I'm going to live with myself.