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    #31
    Help me please

    Maybe coming clean to him would be what's best for you? At least you wouldn't have to live with it hanging over you anymore...
    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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      #32
      Help me please

      I really can't, although it's all I've thought about. I have anxiety problems already and am in a bad way

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        #33
        Help me please

        You clearly need to talk this through with someone. You mentioned you didn't want to see your therapist, but is there any value in projecting what you think they're going to say before you even go to see them? I would at least go and see what your therapist has to say because I think your issues are deeper than this forum can help or offer support.
        In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

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          #34
          Help me please

          Here are some threads you might read, Iris. See you are not alone. :l

          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...ted-88308.html

          Poop! I'm having trouble pasting them all without loosing them...I'll see what I can do but at least here is one of them. :h
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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            #35
            Help me please

            Here is another...

            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...unk-58043.html
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

            Comment

              #36
              Help me please

              How are you doing? Did you let your partner know? If I was him, I would be angry at that scumbag! He pretty much raped you. I know I would tell the truth because it would make me feel better, and I know my man would destroy that guy. But that's your choice.

              He should've taken care of you when you were really drunk. Not taken advantage! What's wrong with these people? I've been super drunk many times, and was always taken cared of, kept me safe, etc.

              I hope you are doing well... Everyone is here for you...

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                #37
                Help me please

                Iris11,
                I am so sorry and am feeling exactly the same way. I have no advice for you but can offer my empathy. Tell me what you find out because I am learning from you. Thank you for sharing. wishing you peace and happiness and sobriety.

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                  #38
                  Help me please

                  I like most of you, are here because of an infidelity. I don?t remember what was done or not done but the horror of what might have possibly occurred, has led me here. I am a very heavy drinker and while out with friends got very drunk to the point where I don?t remember anything. My friends and I were angry with our spouses but I love my husband. I don?t know how I could jeopordize my only piece of heaven on this earth by doing something so dumb! I left the bar with a man that I just met even though I didn?t want to. I feel down on the way home. The man gave me his number and that?s how I know because I called to ask what happened. I didn?t get a straight answer, he barely spoke english. I can?t remember what he looked like. I don?t think we had sex but he said we kissed and there was some fondling. I have been married for almost 13 years. I am in love with my husband. I have never cheated in my life and was actually afraid of this man. My friend encouraged me to go with him because he lived near me and I needed help walking. Everyone said I didn?t do anything when I was with the others and i gather there wasn?t much time between when I left my friend and when my husband said I came home but i am devestated even if it were only a kiss but touching too! How can I live with this guilt? How can I bring him into this and hurt him so, it would be so selfish. I am wracked with guilt. I hate myself and can?t find a way to stop thinking about it. I love my family and can not imagine drinking like this again. Full of self loathing! Please help! Thank you all for sharing reading about your experiences is actually helping.

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                    #39
                    Help me please

                    My best advice is to put it behind you and forgive yourself. You are a human being and are subject to making mistakes. I cried a lot after it happened, went to the doctor and got back on my anti depressants and haven't drunk since. You don't have to tell your partner. Don't let it wreck your life x

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                      #40
                      Help me please

                      Thank you Iris. I will try. How are you doing these days?

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                        #41
                        Help me please

                        I'm good actually. Was in such a bad way when I posted, but some of the really compassionate replies on this site really helped me. Also read this article: Happiness After Infidelity - GoAskSuzie.com

                        It helped me. Good luck & know that it gets better each day.

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                          #42
                          Help me please

                          Ps: remember to delete your internet history. And goes without saying, avoid drinking for your well being but also because you're very vulnerable right now & might decide to talk about it when you've had a few drinks. Better to leave it in the past x

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                            #43
                            Help me please

                            Thank you Iris for all your great advice and for your kind comments. Feeling a bit better thanks to you! Hope I can return the favor.

                            Comment

                              #44
                              Help me please

                              Hi there... I'm going to re-post what I wrote on another thread similar to this one just in case if helps:

                              I just want to jump in here and mention, to any of you who "cheated" when you were drunk - if you live in the United States, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) defines Sexual Assault as being any sexual encounter in which the recipient was unable to give consent, which includes being incapacitated due to drugs or alcohol. This portion of the law was strengthened in 2013 -- if you blacked out, don't remember, etc., you were the victim of a sexual assault. It doesn't matter if the other person was drunk as well. Think of it this way -- if two people are drunk and one pulls out a knife and stabs the other, the victim isn't blamed because they were drunk. That's how it works with sexual assault as well. I encourage you to contact a victims advocacy organization and get counseling specifically for sexual assualt, as you'll find a ton of professional support that will help you get through this. Please, please talk to counselors who can help you through this!
                              Gratefully AF and NF since March 23, 2014

                              Comment

                                #45
                                Help me please

                                Dear Peppersnow, Wow! You are right, I believe I have been sexually assaulted. I dream every night of some sort of rape situation. I am not excusing my dumbness and complete lack of sense for drinking the way that I did but who pushes themself on someone in that state, who finds that attractive? Hearing someone else say it helps a lot. Why are there so many of us calling ourselves cheaters when we really have been attacked? I would say what you have said to anyone else but to myself I put the blame on me? Thank you for your kind words. I will try to put the unpleasentness of the assault and move onto the issue of controlling the drinking. Thank you.

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