suicide thread

[MossRose]

suicide thread

I am so happy that you are feeling less blue. I too know how hard it is to climb out of the abyss. But you are doing it. ODAT. Sending lots of love your way.

[coriander]

suicide thread

Hey mossy and mama.
Last night my doc rang me, talked me down . He's a rare breed of medico for sure.
That seems like one of the hardest things when you're black, is to do some positive self talk huh.
Tomorrow is Sunday and i will try to rise with some positive affirmations.......I AM WORTH IT.
Thank you good people. If it's ok, I'll keep up with this thread a while longer.
You are all helping me enormously. Thankyou.

[roadrunner777]

suicide thread

Hi,
I was in a pretty hopeless spot last winter, and attempted suicide by alcohol. I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel, or anything like that, but I will tell you that, for me, things got better in ways I never could have expected, predicted or hoped for.

One reason things got better was because I found a doctor who specialized in my situation (depression) and actively worked with me to find the right medication. I was not thrilled with the idea of taking depression meds and assumed it was a permanent thing, but I only used them long enough for motivation to make the positive changes I needed to make in my life. I was lucky in my situation, that these changes were possible... sometimes people are just stuck with their problems. I spent many years depressed caring for a chronically ill wife, and there was nothing I could do about that, but she has since passed and everything else that was depressing me was suddenly easier to deal with, with the medication. Once all that was squared away, on doctor's advise, I eased out of the medication and have not used it at all in a month.

So, I attempted suicide, got meds and therapy, and here's what happened:
1. I got the motivation to seek a new partner, and found a wonderful woman. We are engaged to be married this fall.
2. My housing, which was in question because of my wife's passing, is now solid and secure.
3. My employment, which was in question because of alcohol-related absenteeism is now rock solid. I have not missed a day or been late since February.
4. I have refocused my old interest in alcohol into productive (non-destructive) things. I have actual hobbies. My yard looks great! (well, it's pretty good... I don't know much about plants!).
5. My general physician is so happy with my situation, she set up my next appointment for four months instead of one month. I must be getting stable!
6. My credit rating went from 'disastrous' to 'not so disastrous'. Some things take time.
7. My bills are still there, and the medical bills are pretty rough. Sobriety is not all roses. But, I have developed the skills and courage to take the thorns with the roses, without the 'assistance' of vodka.

Now, I have told you my story. I am here to tell you that I NEVER thought any of this was possible 6 months ago, institutionalized after a suicide attempt. If it can happen to me, maybe it can happen to you.

I don't check this forum frequently, so please do not expect a quick response to any comments or questions. I just popped in to tell you my story... that's all.

Take Care!

~Phil

[coriander]

suicide thread

Hey roadrunner ,
Thanks for sharing, that was a courageous post. Talking of hospital admissions, well there's been a few. Last time i got put in the locked ward. Only 7 patients. The one thing i do quite easily, is put on an amazing facade that all is ok. And am i ok? No.
I'm so glad you have found many tangent that make you good. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials .
It sounds like you deserve all the good kharma coming your way.
Thankyou Phil.

[coriander]

suicide thread

I'm going to spill a bit now, if it's too distressing then please turn away.

I've had what the profession calls dissociative episodes. Last time this happened i woke up in the emergency dept, having taken fuck knows what. The ED staff were pretty cold,as they would be seeing all sorts of shit. I was put onto monitoring, and i watched my bp drop slowly, when i got to 90 over 50 they dripped me. Then it was into the locked ward. Constant supervision. Half hourly checks thru the night. This amazing woman across from me, a diabetic schizophrenic, with this.lots of tattoos and one tooth,going OFF in the middle of the night. But SAFE. Oh yes.
Going slowly mad is difficult, yes?
I used to be a professional, so one who could reassure.

[Guitarista]

suicide thread

Morning Cozza.

Don't forget amongst the current turbulence, you've come a long way. You have put some supports in place and are moving forward. Slowly yep, but you have taken some positive action already the last 12 months. You are definitely not standing still and just accepting a tough situation.

[MossRose]

suicide thread

coriander;1681785 wrote:
Tomorrow is Sunday and i will try to rise with some positive affirmations.......I AM WORTH IT.

Yes, Cori - you are!! Keep saying this over and over. And you don't need to apologize for your posts in advance. We are here because we want to be here.

Sorry you have had to experience some awful things, but you are reaching out. Baby steps, my friend. And we'll be here every step of the way. xx

[coriander]

suicide thread

Mossy, funny enough i think of my times in the psych wards as enlightening. The chief psychiatrist Dr Muir, was Canadian, and the smartest most perceptive bloke i ever have encountered. Scarily the smartest. They weren't hard times, my admissions, they were times when my head shut the fuck up and i could rest. Weird but true. It's only thru not wanting to disappoint Dr Muir that i don't go back. I've not been able to share this shit at all, as i pacify and placate my family and friends.

[MossRose]

suicide thread

It doesn't sound weird, it sounds honest. Glad you feel that you can trust us enough to share your real feelings, especially since it isn't always easy to do IRL. Take care.