Here's the back story...
We have a portion of our family who are country beyond my comprehension, and I have no problem with rednecks or country folks-I am one myself. An older family member is a hoarder & when my mom went to help clean her home (the owner was hospitalized & they wouldn't let her go back to her current living conditions) - they found several dogs in cages that were alive but forgotten about. So I organized a rescue. Nothing dramatic, just myself & a friend to pick the 4 dogs up and a rescue center to follow us from there. This didn't sit well with a cousin. She promptly shut it down and the dogs are still in feces filled cages.
She was so hateful to myself and my mother that I requested that she not come to the cabin. I just can't deal with an animal abuser (one dog has been in a feces filled cage for 13 years). To put it in perspective, she's always the one to drag her kids to a free vacation where kids specifically aren't allowed. Kids are allowed on this one, so I knew she' drag her broke ass there no matter what. Her children and mother were invited, but I wanted to make it clear that she was not. I was too much of a wuss to do so sober - as was the rest of my family. So I drunk texted.
I texted this while drunk and now the shit storm has begun (surprisingly it was a very kind text). I hate myself for doing these types of things, but I still stand by my original point...I cannot accept animal abuse and she's lucky I haven't called local authorities.
The point still remains that I wouldn't have done this sober and I hate myself right now. I hate myself for drinking too much, for the hundreds of times I've tried to quit and for failing on my last 87th day. I hate that I've caused a family riff and done so not sober. I don't think what I did was wrong, but sweet Jesus - I think I've hit a bottom.
I don't think I'm wrong about the dogs. But I can't trust myself to do anything about them right now which makes me hate myself even more. I think I need to call authorities, but I can't trust my alcohol addled brain at all anymore. Any and all input will be greatly appreciated.
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