I am back again, trying to get away and off this demon alcohol. It seems every time I stop, the symptoms of withdrawal get worse and worse. Last time, I had some Xanax left over from when my father died in 2012....it was a rough week, but I made it through.....then a month of daily telling myself NOT to get that beer I craved every day at around 5pm...then after a month or two of being AF, my grandfather died, work started to get bad and my father's estate gets in a nasty mess and fighting breaks out among my family.....so I started up again......I normally drink 4 to 6 a day...beers.....I know I had a fatty liver a year ago...now I have constant pain in the right side under my rib and into my back....I gasp for air when I do ANYTHING strenuous, I'm constantly sweating....I have constant acid reflux, my stomach is swollen and tender to the touch.....basically I know my drinking days are going to have to be over or I will be over.
SO I called my doctor 2 days ago...to ask for blood tests, to go on Anabuse, have my liver checked, find out why I constantly have a lump in my throat, food gets stuck, and I weight more than I have ever weighted in my life......and at first he tells me to make a long appointment...like for a yearly physical...then I get a call saying he didn't want to see me any more, that I needed to go to rehab and that he would NOT do anything for me.
I cannot get past a day AF without my head hurting, having that feeling I am going to jump out of my skin, crawling, itchy feelings on the skin.....heart palpitations, sweats and shakes....I tried some librium left over from a few years ago when I tried to stop...but they didn't work at ALL....I had to drink to get all those bad symptoms to stop. Sad thing....I have a history of grand mal seizures....when I get over heated, upset....sometimes they just happen...so I am TERRIFIED of the "big one".....but I also hate being treated like a piece of crap by hospital staff because I can't stop drinking and have drunk myself sick....but I want the old me back....my father's death has changed me and I realize that life is REALLY short and the only thing in the way of my happiness is ME...but knowing this stuff doesn't make it easier for me to get the ball rolling to changing my life for the better!
SO how do I get into a hospital to detox? I have gone to rehab twice and it didn't seem to do anything but suck my money...I also have a job where I only have the next two weeks off....so do I go to the ER? Call a rehab place, (I am not interested in inpatient care)....I desperately need something...I KNOW I drink as a result of my anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder....but I just cannot seem to stop!!! I have only drank since age 34...and i am gong to be 48 in a month....my insurance sucks with regard to mental health and I refuse to numb my brain with the drugs these shrinks think I need...Seroquel being the drug that triggered a two year stint of monthly seizures.....
So, do I just walk int a ER and say "HELLO! I'm an alcoholic and when I try to stop I get all funky"? Won't they just send me to the nearest nut house?
As well, every time I go to the ER and they discover I am an alcoholic...they treat me like crap....but how else to detox safely but in hospital.....how do I go about this?
Thanks again, Ya'll
Sigh...when will I stop this crazy behavior???!!!!!
Comment