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It is consuming me

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    #16
    It is consuming me

    Tatahi, you should talk to a professional about these thoughts you are having. Can you call someone or go somewhere? Try not drinking - one day at a time - you might be surprised how it makes you feel better. If you can go to rehab that would be a great option - can you do that?

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      #17
      It is consuming me

      Tatahi5;n2514002 wrote: I wish I could go to rehab right now, this second. I am so scared, my thoughts are so wrong.
      What is stopping you from going to rehab? You said a few posts up that you don't want to die. And now you are hinting at suicide. You are not alone, but this is beyond what we are equipped to handle. Only you can make the first move, we can't do it for you. I'd suggest that you show your husband this thread and get professional help. We are here to help you and talk to you, but we can't make the first move for you.

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        #18
        It is consuming me

        I would never hurt myself...I would not ever do that to my husband and kids but my thoughts are getting darker and darker. Rehab is not in the cards $$$ but I will go to AA tomorrow. Tomorrow will be my day one.
        We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
        ~Albert Einstein quote

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          #19
          It is consuming me

          Tatahi- I'm glad to hear you are doing something to help make some change. Drying out may help those dark thoughts fade away, but if not, you may still want to see a doctor because maybe something else may be going on. Keep us posted on your progress. Best wishes...
          “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness”- Desmond Tutu


          STL

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            #20
            It is consuming me

            Tatahi5;n2515045 wrote: I would never hurt myself...I would not ever do that to my husband and kids but my thoughts are getting darker and darker. Rehab is not in the cards $$$ but I will go to AA tomorrow. Tomorrow will be my day one.
            I'm glad to hear that you're going to go to AA. If you can't afford rehab, AA is free and I'm sure that you'll meet some people there who can steer you in the right direction or at least give you the support that you need. Like STL said, please check in and keep us posted. Let us know how day 1 is going for you.

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              #21
              It is consuming me

              Today is day one. I am going to find a meeting. I am going to beat this. I am going to live.
              We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
              ~Albert Einstein quote

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                #22
                It is consuming me

                I am so thankful for everyone here...I don't feel so alone. I have had the talk with my husband....it is difficult for him to understand why it is such a huge deal. Like, just stop drinking right? It is simple. I am home alone tonight so it will be difficult. I am about to go to a meeting so I will have my head on straight. I am motivated to get healthy. I want to loose weight, exercise, make it through training on my job, be happy, be checked into my life, love my kids and give them a whole mother....for today I will just not drink. I will be sober today and tomorrow I will do tomorrow. After the meeting I will check back in to the newbee's nest. Thank you, thank you, thank you all. I can feel positive energy coming my way. :h:thanks:
                We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
                ~Albert Einstein quote

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                  #23
                  It is consuming me

                  Good on you Tat and just remember one day at a time is all us alkies can do. Do not overload yourself with anything except for not drinking each day, the rest will come and they will be happy days ahead.
                  AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

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                    #24
                    It is consuming me

                    Dont forget to eat, it will be the best tool you can turn too. Eat til you are full! We are pulling for you!!! Byrdie
                    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                    Tool Box
                    Newbie's Nest

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                      #25
                      It is consuming me

                      Tatahi- wow, you sound so much different already...I have read here so often here that attitude is everything...best wishes on your AA meeting, they do good work
                      “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness”- Desmond Tutu


                      STL

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                        #26
                        It is consuming me

                        I did not make it to a meeting... I will. I am at about 24 hours now. I feel awful and can't sleep but I know it will get better soon...48 hrs? I am going to beat this. I have to. I am so tired of having the same day over and over. My story is the same as the next, like I said but my husband and kids love me and they deserve so much better then this. I am so angry at my parents....the carnage they left...the hole in my chest. It just got so much worse after my dad died and my mom has been sick for 20 years, nearing the end all from booze. It is madness. I am trying to manage a blended family of five kids, an amazing husband who is trying to love me though this best he can but has no idea what to do, 2 nasty exs, missing my kids when they are gone to the point of physical pain, six months deep into the most difficult training of my life for a new job I am not even sure I want and I have been trying to manage all that drunk. It is madness. I have got to stop. Honestly thank you guys for all of your words of wisdom. This is a truly special place to land.
                        We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
                        ~Albert Einstein quote

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                          #27
                          It is consuming me

                          You can do this - it is hard work and you need to be ready with tools to fight through. Stay close. Like Byrdie said don't forget to eat and don't try to take on too many changes all at once - take the alcohol out of your life and do whatever it takes for that part. Later when you are stronger you can focus on losing weight and other things you mentioned. You need to eat it helps with the cravings and have other options for drinks handy. You can do this - stop the cycle!

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