Relapse-Anxiety-Guilt

[treetops]

Hi Bri - I am here although going off line soon. Really sorry to hear that you got laid off. Are you still aiming to start some new sober time on Monday as you planned? You sound positive about this despite the hard blow you have been given.Please keep us posted of your progress and how you are feeling cos we care.
I am not sure whats happening with SunFlower but dont take that to heart please. I don't agree at all with the way it was expressed. IMO none of us can be judgmental about relapse, recovery - or just trying to deal this thing that is AL. You are trying to sort it out and I know it can take many different paths, attempts and just to make you laugh - some pretty bad metaphors!!! Stay strong.

[briseus]

BK thanks for always having my back and for always listening to me!! I truly appreciate it and you and you have been helping me more than you know. Just wanted to let you know that.

Treetops: yes! I really do plan on sticking to Monday as my start date. I really want to. As always there is a part of me that "wants" to continue drinking but I am aware that this is my addictive voice talking.
I also need to stay sober in order to find a new job and I can't keep feeling sorry for myself.
I am positive and 2014 has got to be my year with the amount of changes and growth I have gone through. I will make sure to have a pile of chocolate on hand tomorrow as well as all my recovery books to read. I will spend a little extra time at the gym and try to make an AA meeting if possible. I just need to get past day one and I know I will be able to do this again but take it one day at a time. Oh. And I will stick close to here.

With regards to the other poster ? No it isn't right to be judgmental of others paths. It may take a few times but I am here, right? So that is a positive step in the right direction because I want sobriety. I really do!
And of course I am not flippant with the advice I receive. Many times I write and jot what all of you write in a journal to go back on.
I am ready to start my sober path.
Thanks for all the supportive people out there. I do really appreciate you!
You helped me at going 8 months and it will help me this time again!

[See the Light]

Seriously Sunflower...-if it was that easy, nobody would be here...If you really knew this "circle", you would be more sympathetic...If you have moved on have nothing else positive to say..do that, and just move on. When you say shit like that it doesn't make you a hero, it makes you a loser.

Bri - keep on keepin' on.. this is an epic strong battle, but you have so much support here ...best wishes

[briseus]

See The Light - thanks so much. Tomorrow is going to be really hard. But with all the support I have here. I really am optimistic. I will make sure to stay on here tomorrow and also visit the newbies nest. When I think of day one. I get so tense.
I still have quite a bit of vodka left over from the last few days. But I am going to dump it.
I will. I am optimistic!! And so glad I can still come back here for amazing support.

[briseus]

Well it's day 1 for me today...
Wish me luck.
I dumped an entire bottle of vodka down the drain this morning...it sorta pained me to do so...but I did it. Got rid of the rest of the beer and got all the empties out of the house.
I am tense, overly emotional and very anxious right now...
I have a full day of work ahead of me....12 hours before I get home. I guess this is a good thing in a way....

Anyways....
Hope everyone else has a good day.

Bri.

[roxane]

thinking of you bri.

[briseus]

Thanks Roxane. x

[summerglow]

Hey sunflower- I see you just joined and I think your a troll...
Don't worry I won't address you again so post away with you trivial childish behavior..
Just wanted you to to know.... That you don't matter....

If you are so wise and ready to quit giving advice get the outta here....

Are you sober cause you sure don't act like it...

Your name should be "miserable flower"...I've just joined, enough to make one go away and look for other support!!!

[Byrdlady]

Maybe The SunFlower is having tribulations of her own, and her frustration with herself is prompting the 'shake of the shoulders' to others. ALL of us here have issues, and each of us knows what a bitch AL is and what it does to a person's soul. It rips and picks it clean. I hope all of us can shed this demoralizing beast, because it is out to overtake us. B

[briseus]

Even when I am super down in the dumps....which I have been in the past...I don't go on other people's threads...and get all negative.
I don't even know this person...and I am sad to admit that I was up in the middle of the night, genuinely hurt by Sunflower's post...it wasn't needed...
Like the ol' saying goes....'you got nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all'.

On another note...I do agree with you Byrdie...I do hope that we can all persevere...and all become clean...and happy.

[abcowboy]

We're all behind you on your last day 1 bri! :hug:

[briseus]

Thanks so much Cowboy.

[treetops]

How are you doing Bri? You have lots of strength and determination and want to make this work. Don't think of it as forever or a life sentence. You have been through the quitting before and know its a roller coaster but it evens out and it will bring you more calm I hope - as well as fortify you when you come to looking for a new job. Meanwhile just be very kind to yourself, get as much support as you can and enjoy the chocolate! XXX

[briseus]

Hello TT. I definitely want to make this work....it's just crazy how the afternoon rolls around and that resolve tries to melt away. But I will persevere. I will keep busy tonight for sure.
But I will definitely try not to put too much pressure on myself...because that is what has ruined it in the past. I will take it a minute at a time if I must. I will get to day 2.

[See the Light]

Your name should be "miserable flower"...I've just joined, enough to make one go away and look for other support!!!

I never realized before summerglow showed up that I didn't actually have a "dislike" button...would have been my 1st

Great job pushing through Day 1 Bri...take it easy..you can do this