I have reached my end and have given up

[Byrdlady]

I just can't imagine a support forum where that would be the penalty for relapsing! I guess I got really lucky when I found MWO almost 6 years ago. I never tried another forum, this one seemed to fit and I've been here ever since.

Have you ever heard of the story about the donkey that fell in the well? Everyone wrote him off and they just decided to bury him in that well and they started to fill it in with dirt. Every shovel-ful they threw down there, the donkey stepped up until he could actually just walk out! That's kind of the way it was with me, I was so low in that hole I didn't know how I was going to get out. But day by day, checking in here with my support, I got my sober legs. I still check in here every single day, not because I HAVE to, but because I want to. Being sober isn't a punishment anymore, it is the reward!

I drank HARD for 30 years and I was beginning to have bad liver readings myself. The liver is an amazing organ and very forgiving. I just had my physical yesterday and my readings are A-OK! You can turn this thing around, I promise! Byrdie

[Cornczech]

Thanks Birdie and all of ya'll that have responded.
I told my husband that I would leave HIM if he ever drank around me again so much that he poops himself again like he did at his party this past weekend. I didn't touch a DROP of alcohol.....felt really good about it....but he drank so much that he passed out on the floor next to the bed, (thank GOD) and then proceeded to crap himself.
I have not been standing up for myself lately. When I first joined this group many moons ago, I was FORCED by my husband to go to rehab. He told me he would leave me if I didn't....so i reminded him of this statement and told him I would leave HIM if he brought alcohol into our house anytime in the next year....or until I am comfortable in my sober skin....

I am SO very weak, still....from my liver I am thinking....the pain is still there and I get so worn out now that I literally fall asleep standing! I will get the numbers checked when I have 3 months under my belt of sobriety.....

I will get this...I MUST....and NOW, I will actually have to step it up......have an Indian wedding to attend in Texas this weekend.....thankfully INDIAN as they don't drink as much as a TEXAS wedding would.....

hubs is home....gotta go

[Cornczech]

By the way...what is the thumbs down next to my thread mean? I'm about to get banned here too? I am a little nervous here because I surprisingly have been banned from TWO sites.....Women for Sobriety last night because I admitted I had drank those two beers....and the sub reddit site: r//stopdrinking....for the very same thing....then for typing a paragraph in all caps to make a point to someone who was talking bout killing themself! I cried both the times.....and let it get to me.....

I literally was ready to kill myself this morning, I felt so down and bad.......so seeing a thumbs down next to my post makes me sad and well...nervous.

[Guitarista]

Hiya CC.

Welcome back. That other forum sounds ridiculous. 50 days is a huge achievement. Congratulations! Good to see you back here posting and back on the horse.

Go for it friend and kick some arse in your own way.

edit: I don't know what that thumbs down sign is on your first post but either way just ignore it (did you put it there when you first posted because you were feeling so down?). No-one will ban you from here. Just focus on your sobriety and self care for now.

Take care of yourself. G

[Pavati]

Hi, CC:

Maybe you can skip the wedding and stay home to take care of yourself?

50 days is amazing. Don't let two beers be your slippery slope.

I don't know about your liver or your symptoms, but many people here have feared that they had damaged their livers only to find they were ok. Get to a doctor, maybe, who can ease your fears and also help you make a plan to stay sober.

Anyway - we're here for you!
Pav

[Byrdlady]

CC, it looks as if you put that symbol in there when you started the thread. i have done that a couple times by accident. No one else can put that on there about your thread. I think there is a star rating thar can be rated if someone chooses to do that but they cant give you a thumbs down.

Trust me, we have had some DOOZIES around here, I have even reported the posts myself they are so mean spirited and personal, and those people didn't get banned. We have very little moderation here. B

[little beagle]

CC don't feel so down. I truly understand how difficult it is living with someone who still drinks. My hubby drank like a fish for the first 4 months of my quit. He still uses drugs. But I don't. I come here instead. I get the support I need to make it through another day. It's been 2.5 YEARS!! Each day i wake up and I'm grateful I quit drinking and getting high.
I'm glad you're here with us. Sounds like this is the place for you.
By the way, I too had a relative get so drunk she pooped herself. It was at about 3 months into my quit. Man that put a whole new perspective on the whole thing. It really hardened my resolve. I don't ever want to be that out of myself.

[Cornczech]

Unfortunately, I cannot skip the wedding...but I am not afraid of the wedding....and feel I won't even think about drinking. It is an Indian wedding of two medical professionals and both are Vegan and rarely drink......so it's not like a wedding like I've been in Wisconsin where beer flows more freely than Clay Matthew's hair, (just had to say that!)....

I don't plan on letting this slip up ruin my sobriety like it would have in the past when I would have said to myself, "Aw, F@@c it...I might as well finish the 6 pack" or "I drank for the weekend, so I am back to the daily drinking again cause I'm a loser"......

I believe I just don't think right...I have beat myself up for so many years....for so long....that I forgot how to stand tall and be strong.....

At any rate, I hope you're right about the liver.....I started my reddit experience being told to RUSH to the ER after I shared my symptoms with the gang.....my poo was almost WHITE back then, it was so pale...I was weaker then I am now....was itching all over my body, had tingling legs and feet...hands and face...constantly sweating, had HIGH HIGH blood pressure....all I DIDN'T have was yellow skin or eyes!

Now, after 51 days, (I looked at my iPhone App that counts the days for me), I have lost some of the symptoms...but others remain. The weakness and the pain, full feeling...along with the tingling.....(I have IBS, so the poo thing is always wacky......)

Anyhow, I hope ya'll don't mind my mentioning gross things...I liked Reddit because people talked about EVERYTHING there...cusswords, poo and graphic sex and all...(I think I am secretly a 13 year old boy in my heart, sometimes....I still giggle at fart jokes, after all.......)

[SKendall]

Hi CC, lived in TX (N.Dallas) for many years. I just know in my heart that the steel magnolias in the south are real.

You shouldn't beat yourself up anymore. As Byrd and others have reported, this is THE place for sobriety and GOOD sobriety in that sobriety is not feeling deprived, but grateful and learning wonderful lessons about living sober.

Checking in daily with your thoughts and feelings is very important.

[autumn]

Hi CC,
And welcome. A huge well done to you for stopping at the 2 beers. That is such a turning point. And no way should it take away from your brilliant 50 days quit. It doesn’t have to break your quit. Just count the 1st day still as the “the day you decided to give up Alcohol”. You did something different and you stopped at 2. That’s a massive change in thinking. Stick with it, I just gets easier.
I did something similar I had a vodka & coke on my 30 days, and I decided couldn’t carry on drinking and expect a different outcomes in my life. The last binge had been a disaster. So I poured the bottle away. I am so pleased I did. I don’t count it as breaking my quit as I stopped as did you. So focus on the brilliant bits like you stopped and how you’ve vowed to stay quit when you’re so stressed.
Hang in there it really does just get better and better. Your body will heal too. Stay close you’re doing brilliantly!
Autumn

[knobert]

Dear Cornczech

Any support group that bans you for honesty and sincerity is just a group and a poor one at that.

You are doing great and I think you have come to the right spot.

Hang in there

Knob :thumbsup: