Can it get worse today?

[ItsJustMe]

Hey All -

I’m not like “basket case” about to go over the edge but I’m pretty freaking close. This is my day 3 and it has set in motion the perfect storm for a binge night.

- I overslept so I didn’t make it to the gym.
- Just got home and too mentally and physically drained to go to the gym now.
- At work I had fire after fire to put out – I couldn’t get one out before another started up. I felt like I was just running from problem to problem – not solving any of them, just delaying them. Didn’t even have time to stop and eat.
- End of the day ends in a customer issue where I have to be in the office at 7AM and work pretty much all day and night tomorrow.
- Sent my boss some statistics and found out later that they were totally incorrect – made a dumb a$$ mistake in a database query.
- Because of the stuff tomorrow, no trip tot the gym.
- Get home and my oldest dog has crapped all over the bedroom.
- My youngest son’s girlfriend waited until the last second to signup for health insurance – she knows nothing about it but is leaning on me to help – her father passed away earlier this year so she has no one. I’m covered by my company so I know absolutely nothing about the healthcare exchanges but I’m spending all day on the phone trying to help her make her choices while dealing with work crap.
- Get home and wife is still at work, kids out doing their thing.
- Freaking bullet points are not working on this editor
- Someone blew their horn at me on the interstate on the way home. I got behind them and tried to get them to pull over. I’m glad they didn’t because in the mental state I was in, …. Well, lets not go there.

I have downed a half bottle of Bacardi over less stressful days. I feel like I am inches away from getting in my truck and heading to the package store. As soon as I walked in the door (after cleaning up dog turds) I hopped on MWO and started this post. I’m gonna try to hold it together until I can calm down. I’ll just keep reading posts.

IJM

[Gilf]

Hi IJM,

I'm only on day 2 myself so feel completely inadequate to reply to ur post but honestly just had a quick thought. How much worse will U feel tomorrow if you do have a drink? How much harder will ur work day be if it even a little groggy? How better will u feel about it if u manage to give urself a chance? It just seems to me that I'm pretty sure Uve had shittier days than this? The fact that ur not drinking the Bacardi rite now this second is a true desire not to do it!
U can do it, cud be worse cud be u shitting on the floor!! ((��))

[ItsJustMe]

LOL!!! Very true. When I think of it, my problems are minuscule compared to many. But I'm a type 'A' personality and everything has to be just so or I feel totally out of control. I'm up for a pretty good sized promotion and when I have days like this at work it makes me think that senior leadership is looking at me as inadequate. But you are are totally correct - If I were to tie one on tonight, tomorrow would be even worse. Thanks for putting it in perspective.

[Byrdlady]

Gilf is so right, in the grand scheme of things, our problems are just nothing! Compared to the cancer patient or the person who has diabetes, or someone who has lost a spouse or a child....compared to that stuff, not getting our booze really comes into focus. Dont fall for this, not getting your AL is making you THINK everything is worse, and it feels like everything is piling up, but I can tell you one thing for sure, you will feel 1000 times better tomorrow if you dont drink, than if you do!! This is AL's oldest trick, the PILE ON. Try taking a 10 minute walk, or pet the dog, or go take a shower, get ready for bed! Try not to dwell on the bad things, but be grateful for the many blessings you have, not the least of which is is bowel control!
Most of us here are perfectionists, as odd as that sounds. Just do the very best you can, the rest can wait. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF!
Gilf, you are a gem!! Hugs, Byrdie

PS, even nondrinkers have days like this!!!

[daisy45]

IJM, you feeling any better? I sympathise....I had a night like that just last week.....so glad I rode it out. I was ready to burst! A few days on and sober I think of how today would be had I gone there. I would be drinking right now and every night after that first one. All the problems that I am trying to escape would be back in full force.
I am sorry but I laughed out loud at Gilfs ' cud be worse, cud be u shitting on the floor!'
That has to be the best one-liner to make someone contemplating drinking to sit up and listen!
Real laughter is something I missed doing when I was drinking....life was too sad. But now? Good stuff is coming back.....give yourself a real chance!

[idefineme]

I hope you're feeling better and have settled a bit, IJM. Lots of great support (and humor) above! But seriously, that is a lot on your plate today and tomorrow, but I agree with Gilf that the fact that you came here instead of the liquor store shows that you really would rather stay sober tonight. Succumbing to the bottle will absolutely NOT help you in any way with any of the problems you have listed above. It will temporarily help you forget about them, but you'll wake up feeling shitty tomorrow and I honestly can't imagine how that's going to help you tomorrow, but I can imagine how it will make the day worse. Stay strong tonight! Keep reading and posting!

[ItsJustMe]

THANKS ALL!!!! Everything is much better now. I was considering going to my closet and putting on my shoes to go to the package store. At the last minute I grabbed my running shoes. I put on some Maroon 5 and my headphones – and went for a 2 mile run around the neighborhood. Once I got moving I started feeling better and the stress sort of melted. When I got home my beautiful bride had salads made, a huge glass of tea, and a hug (she got an earlier text of my status and knew I was in a wad). I appreciate everyones support. Putting it in a post and talking it through really helped. I’m gonna make it – It is my choice and I am choosing not to drink.

And for the record, I didn’t shit in the floor tonight…..

Takes again!
IJM
Still AF on Day 3!!!

[daisy45]

Great stuff IJM.....not shitting on the floor! Joking! Well done you! Kick ass tomorrow!

[Gilf]

That's great news! All of it �� So happy you made that choice, and I notice how much more appreciative you were of your wife after you had ur run. Can yup imagine the rant that would've ensued (if ur anything like me!) if u'd drank. U probably wouldn't have noticed her supportive gesture to you?

Any hoo soo glad for u! And amazing work keeping the floors clean! Tá an lá go maith!☘ (have a good day!)

[Mr Vervill]

Glad to hear you made it through IJM! Exercise always works as a stress buster for me.
Years ago, while drinking heavily, a girl I was living with was so drunk, she got up to go the the bathroom, and pissed in the corner of the bedroom. so yeah, it does happen. LOL

[ItsJustMe]

Just as a head up – I survived today. I got up at the butt-crack of dawn (5AM) and hit the gym. That really helped my day. The day was exactly as I predicted it to be – majorly stressful. Lots and lots of stuff going on. People pestering me while I was trying to concentrate on some serious crap. But I made it – and I am sure much better than if I had been hung over.

This is my day 4 and I just got home. No dog crap in the floor – that always starts my evening off well. I won’t say that I would not like a drink – but I can say I am not craving one. I sort of feel that I could take it or leave it. That is a feeling that I will gladly accept. In the back of my mind I am worried about Friday and Saturday night. But as I have said before, I can’t dwell on that right now – I have to deal with right now and maybe the next 5 minutes.

My lovely bride is still at work so I am about to start cutting up veggies for our salad and then do some MWO reading till bed time.

I really really really appreciate everyone being there for me last night. I was in a pretty sad state.

Take care and have an awesome evening,
IJM

[Choices]

Congrats on day 4! I was in a bad state last night too. Glad we made it. High five!

[Byrdlady]

You are building strong AF muscles!! Great job!!! I was thinking of you today and was glad to see your post. You never want to have to repeat these first few days, once they are done it gets a lot easier!! Im so happy for you! Byrdie

[idefineme]

Not to get all jargony or acronymy on you, but when I think of your initial post I think of HALT! Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Four major triggers for us alkies! You sounded pretty much at the end of your fuse with tomorrow (today) still staring you in the face. But, you persisted and maybe you didn't have a plan to get through it, but when you went for your sneakers to sneak off to the liquor store, you went for a fricking run instead! That, to me, is awesome! It worked last night, so you know it can work again, and you'll find other healthier options as well as you continue your journey! Congrats on day 4, and thanks for keeping us posted. Keep 'er going!

[ItsJustMe]

HALT! - I like that. Actually I think I was actually Persistently Irritated, Sadly Screwed, and Exhaustedly Disgusted (PISSED). I was pretty much at the end of the rope. I'm just glad it's passed. I feel stronger getting past it. I also can imagine how I would feel this evening had I caved.