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    #76
    Re: So lost

    I would head to the Emergency if things get bad and have mobile on hand. I always had valium on hand which was a lifesaver. Certainly see your doc and get a full blood test done . Find out what is going on. Vals a good idea and staying off coffee as it will really make you jittery. Also smokes does the same thing .Nice slow breathing and water

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      #77
      Re: So lost

      Neo-- I understand. I've just been drinking water. My son is playing video games and I'm trying to distract myself with mindless TV. The worst thing so far is the lack of motivation to do anything, I know it will pass after a few days but it's not how I like to be

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        #78
        Re: So lost

        Originally posted by Tidegirl View Post
        Orimus-- I can't believe that I screwed up like this. My house is a mess, I'm a mess-- I was so organized until
        Last Friday. Then the wheels came off. And until
        I understand why it will never change. It's one of those things-- like I never eat sweets but tell me I can't eat them and I'm running toward them! I cleaned all the beer cans out of here-- so embarrassing . I'm an anxious nut case it feels like. I did take a shower and put laundry in but this disorder is symptomatic of all this noise in my head. My son's friends will be here shortly-- I
        Need to hold it together. I feel such shame. I know I need to pull it together ASAP or I'll lose everything. I've been having nightmares that I'm going to die in 3 years-- I've dreamed it over and over
        [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION] - Stop, breathe. You didn't screw up, you realize that what you've been doing isn't getting you the results that you want. That is all. Your house may be messy right now, you may feel a little all over the place right now. However, that is only right now not forever especially since that is not where you see yourself. Keep walking; stop, jack up the car and put the wheels back on. Take time to step away from the noise whether that means getting away to the woods, to a monastery or a long drive where it's just you and if you don't want the radio on you can shut it off. Shut off all the alerts on your phone that are unnecessary and just sit and listen to the wind. Pay attention to the world around you - to the trees as you pass them by, to the smile of a stranger.

        I would not advise waiting until you understand before you do, before you start creating the change that you want to see. As you push towards that change THAT is when you will begin to understand. Break things down, choose one thing and start changing it whatever it is. The rest can wait. Be gentle with yourself because change is distressing and your body and mind are healing as you learn to live without the alcohol. You are not an anxious nut case you are just anxious right now trying to understand. Get out of your head and pay attention to what you feel. If it hurts it's because there is a wound that needs mending, if you are afraid it is because you are faced with the unknown and/or uncertainty. Take it one step at a time, one breath at a time.

        The more you focus on what you don't want, the more you focus on the dread the more it will grow like someone telling you you can't have sweets. Don't think of pink elephants! :egad: lol The story of no one's life is written ASAP but chapter by chapter. The prologue is done so what is the story that you want to write? Chapter by chapter, page by page, word by word. The sky isn't falling dear. Of course I can't and no one can tell you don't feel anxious, don't feel so pressured, don't don't don't..... We can only share with you and suggest things that we have seen work.

        So take it slow, take it gently. Paint the picture of the tomorrow that you want to live and keep walking. One step at a time, one breath at a time you'll get there. :hug:
        Last edited by Orimus; June 2, 2017, 02:37 PM.
        “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

        "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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          #79
          Re: So lost

          The anxiety is just the worst. Thank you Orimus-- the response was so well thought out. I think my dizziness is from not eating but I'm going to force myself to eat

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            #80
            Re: So lost

            [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION].............what a lovely post. A pleasure to read.

            [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION]............a few tips that were given to me in my early days...........

            Make a sandwich and cut it into bite size pieces..........leave it out and when you're passing just take a wee piece.

            Cut up a bowl of fruit, bananas especially seem to help.

            Try some of those breakfast drinks. Weetabix drinks seem good.

            Little and often, don't over face yourself.............and masses of water.

            And rest.

            Hope this helps.
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

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              #81
              Re: So lost

              I'm trying. My husband is seething but I can't take his abuse now so won't confront him.

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                #82
                Re: So lost

                Wow, [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION]

                That's one of the best posts I've read in a while. Amazing. I will advocate for you to put that in the toolbox so that more people might see it. Or even in the Newbies Nest.

                Tidegirl - can you call a friend? I know when I am in that state I need SOMEONE. I would pay as much attention to Orimus as you can.

                Pav

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                  #83
                  Re: So lost

                  I'm trying to be positive but it's tough. Just need someone to help

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                    #84
                    Re: So lost

                    How can we help Tidegirl? We're here for you hope you got some sleep last night
                    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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                      #85
                      Re: So lost

                      You are not alone Tidegirl. Hang in there it does get easier, honestly.
                      Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

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                        #86
                        Re: So lost

                        My freaking God-- I've given up
                        Everything for this son-- and he's just a disappointment. I know he didn't ask to be born but I hate to sound like Trump-- he's a loser. He has athletic talent and he pulled himself out

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                          #87
                          Re: So lost

                          Originally posted by Pavati View Post
                          Wow, [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION]

                          That's one of the best posts I've read in a while. Amazing. I will advocate for you to put that in the toolbox so that more people might see it. Or even in the Newbies Nest.

                          Tidegirl - can you call a friend? I know when I am in that state I need SOMEONE. I would pay as much attention to Orimus as you can.

                          Pav
                          Added. :thumbsup:
                          “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                          "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                          Newbies Nest
                          Newbies Nest Roll Call
                          Toolbox
                          Cattleman Cafe

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                            #88
                            Re: So lost

                            Originally posted by Tidegirl View Post
                            My freaking God-- I've given up
                            Everything for this son-- and he's just a disappointment. I know he didn't ask to be born but I hate to sound like Trump-- he's a loser. He has athletic talent and he pulled himself out
                            [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION], ?? How old is your son?
                            “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                            "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                            Newbies Nest
                            Newbies Nest Roll Call
                            Toolbox
                            Cattleman Cafe

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                              #89
                              Re: So lost

                              Orimus-- I overreacted. I'm highly emotional now. He's only 12 and it turned out he threw up on the way to ball today. He's not big at sticking with things which is odd as his dad and I are hugely competitive and for good or bad one of the first words used to describe us is driven. Things have been like fresh hell this weekend. I've re read your post many times. I honestly a couple of times wished I'd die. I can't believe I did this to myself. My husband is leaving for a trial tomorrow and I must step it up. The house is a disaster, the laundry is unreal but I can't get anyone to help-- my friend who is the biggest help is a pariah of my son and my husband-- I feel great sympathy for her but she seems to court trouble. When my husband and son were gone she came here and basically cleaned my home and watched over me. I may have my sons sitter come but I need to just start the cleaning if my home is disordered I feel very disordered. I'm sorry I'm running on. I feel I have nowhere to go-- the dr basically said if I came back after last time in bad shape shed drop me. I'm in the U.S. And Drs are very judgemental about drinking and having it on my record is a risk.

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                                #90
                                Re: So lost

                                Hi Tide Girl,
                                I'm sorry you are struggling with AL & can empathise with the pressures of parenting and responsibility as well (even without addiction thrown into the mix).
                                My kids are 11 (son) and 5 (daughter). And sometimes even when I have been doing ok with AL find the sacrifice of parenting overwhelming. I also have a friend who is also separated from her husband and although she is not an addict feels the same way at times.
                                I guess what I am trying to say is if you can take or get some time to spend just on TideGirl it can help (helps me anyway) not just feel like someone's mum.

                                I'm only early in my millionth quit, but I do know that we have to do it for ourselves not our spouse or kids (selfish as that may sound). But in doing so then everyone around us benefits Be kind to yourself & it does get better as our minds & bodies heal if we can just not drink today & all the today's add up x
                                Take care
                                LS
                                To see a world in a grain of sand
                                And a heaven in a wildflower.
                                Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
                                And eternity in an hour.

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