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I don't need help but i messed up.

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    #1

    I don't need help but i messed up.

    My SUD is vodka in large amounts. I stopped taking my meds and since thanksgiving I have indulged heavily to the point I am using valium in semi large amounts 45 at a time at night to as little as 15 as required. I am not suffering extreme detox but I am disappointed in myself. Thats is my honesty for the day as I deal with remorse and the tricks I know to curb things like nightmares and sweats. The headache was bad and I don't suffer headaches. My first times withdrawaling the nightmares were huge. I wept in my sleep. I have since learned through many rehabs how to take care of this and will be on my feet again. Valium and mirtazapine and dimenydrinate so you can eat. I am using a slight taper which some might disagree with. Currently I sleep 8 hours and then I cannot sleep for 12 hours. Thats an indicator of the 48 hours. 72 soon and I need to shower. Surprisingly functional so it wasn't that bad. I can cook, mow the lawn, walk the dog, build a fence and even drive. I think fear of kindling frightened me after a week of AL. I'm completely functional, but i'm irritable. This method is different from cold turkey and learned over many many experiences. I count my blessings for learning this. I do not recommend to anyone to do this alone, I just know how to read how I react and what is happening at any given time.

    Confessions, and time to feed myself because if you don't; you're f'd.

    I am sorry to all I love on the forum.
    "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein
    Tags: functional, hours, learned, sleep, time
    #2
    Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

    Hi Empy.

    I am hearing you. 45 Valiums in one go combined with alcohol in your system can be a dangerous cocktail. That combination of valium and booze kills people. You know they are both depressants, and could easily shut down your breathing. Just because you might be experienced in taking many different meds, doesn't mean your body won't be forced to shut down, heart stopping because your system/organs cannot process so many chemicals. Be careful my friend. Can you see a doc or hospital to watch over you for now? Take it easy man.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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      #3
      Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

      They was no alcohol in my system. I'm not stupid. I know what heart failure or congestive failure is. CNS does amazing things when combined. Thanks for your concern. The alcohol is separate to the attempts to replace it with valium temporarily.
      "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

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        #4
        Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

        Ok. Well take care.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

        Comment

          #5
          Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

          Not to sound like a broken record but this is likely 10 times and I am watched. I am highly educated in pharma so i knows how these interact. The spacing is methodical between 24 hours of valium and a beer which is childs play by comparison. Thank you for the warning. I know the risks but the alternative is much worse where you are detoxed at a rapid rate under unqualified people here locally. Going from 20-40oz vodka and I'm in relatively good health to a CNS valium and a beer is a joke in comparison to past experiences. I have nearly died and this indicates no issues so far. I have numbers to take care of myself just in case. Its not for everyone and I don't recommend it unless you know your markers for emergencies. Inability to eat, shakes, sweats, unable to drink water of which I have none. So far its fine other than the bowel movements as a direct result to the valium and my choice in diet. I will visit a doctor as you mentioned to figure out gastro intestinal issues as result. I can still smoke which indicates I did not damage my stomach that badly. No regurtigation. Remeber this is after months of sobriety and healthy eating.

          I've been so bad in the past I have pancreatic issues and laying in the fetal position with nightmares of dying. So thats why I will continue to warn people just like you have.

          Thanks for your concern. I am just voicing an opinion of a method I've learned (depending on severity). People used to do this unassisted which is even crazier. Feeling fine despite hurting myself.
          Last edited by empyr3al; October 17, 2017, 11:05 PM.
          "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

          Comment

            #6
            Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

            Please take care Empy.
            Enlightened by MWO

            Comment

              #7
              Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

              I know what I am doing and dont suggest it to others seeking help in the forum.

              Home detox with $4000 in AL free drugs is a different story. Very few have the drugs I have to manage it. There are a couple mentions or forums about how this theory works. I've tested it 3 times so I know what works.

              Thanks, and I'm happy and productive after trauma.

              One more comment. I have a puppy that needs care so instead of cleaning the local shit detox, I have responsibilities. Ceapy you mind focused is what i have leaned. I could not do that in a shit detox. I would worry all the time which makes it worse.
              Last edited by empyr3al; October 18, 2017, 05:41 PM.
              "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

              Comment

                #8
                Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                Sorry for not replying here earlier empy but I don't understand any of the terminology or pharma nor nothing - so just hope its all working out for you - thinking of you xxx
                Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                Comment

                  #9
                  Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                  [MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION], if you haven't been there I understand why you don't know what alcohol withdrawal is like nor the pharma used to prevent seizures and death. Thanks for you thoughts. Almost there and out of pain. Productive and regaining some pride after a bad choice.
                  "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                    Originally posted by empyr3al View Post
                    [MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION], if you haven't been there I understand why you don't know what alcohol withdrawal is like nor the pharma used to prevent seizures and death. Thanks for you thoughts. Almost there and out of pain. Productive and regaining some pride after a bad choice.
                    We've all made bad choices in regards to alcohol and drugs Empy - and whereas I didn't have major alcohol withdrawal problems as you describe - in no way think that I don't understand the loss of pride and self belief - my alcoholism was as mentally destructive as you describe your physical problems -
                    Head up our boy - you're going to be back in control now in no time!!! xx
                    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                      I’m glad you’re back emp - ML
                      Mary Lou

                      A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill

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                        #12
                        Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                        I’m glad you are back on the mend, taking care of yourself the best way you know. Forgiveness is given with the asking.
                        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Re: I don't need help but i messed up.

                          Hope that you are doing better.....withdrawal is very real and painful. I know because I've been there. Like yourself, I was a big fan of vodka: loved to mix it with my wine for a quicker buzz. I finally became so ill that I finally admitted to my doc that I was an alcoholic. She wanted me to check into a detox program, but I insisted on doing it at home. I used the taper method, which I guess was OK, but honestly, I was so nauseous and spaced out that I didn't want anything to eat or drink. I pretty much sat in a recliner for the better part of a week, sick, shaking, scared and unable to care about anything for nearly a week. My hubby stayed home to keep and eye on me, which I am grateful for. My doc had put me on Trazadone (I was already on antidepressants) to help with the withdrawal and to allow me to sleep. I am still taking it for the sleeping issues, and it does seem to help.

                          I would be wary of the pharm stuff, not only for your safety but we tend to trade one addiction for another, it's the nature of the beast.

                          Good luck with it all, and keep us posted on how you are doing!

                          Jude

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