Hi everyone:
Been a while since I posted the situation here. I find I need to do this every so often, for a few reasons. One is to keep my own recovery in a forward moving mode. Another is to gain insight into what long-term sobriety is. Yet another is for the benefit of those members here, who are in those days where all seems hopeless, and wonder, ?What?s in it for me to get and stay sober??
In no particular order:
-Someone posted here recently, that they treated each day, like day 1 AF. Here at 21 months AF, I do find some solid wisdom in that statement. It?s like that almost corny one-liner from the 1970?s. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. It may be a bit contrived, but still, has truth to it. Today indeed is a new day for me to work the program, and do those things one more time, that will allow me to live in the sober frame.
-I use those words ?sober frame? here recently quite a bit. What does it mean? Frame of mind is what I?m referring to. The future will, and must be better than the past. It?s called hope. No hope always degrades to absent meaning in our lives. We must hope for a better day to arrive. Ask yourself, ?Just why should I get sober? Why should I give up the booze as a key part of my life?? Not idly, but consider those questions with intense scrutiny. Consider what you have lost, what you will lose, and then what you have to start with, and what you have to gain. Not passively, but actively. This is courage to face yourself, and what you are without deception or lies.
-The calendar. I see a lot of folks use the drink tracker, and that is good if it keeps you honest. Myself, I don?t use it, but I had my own version I used for four years before making the long-term commitment. They were big full-year wall calendars, with the slick dry-erase finish. I used a permanent marker, and during 2002 through 2005 I would write in the number of drinks I had. I also had a code on them to indicate how many pain pills I would pop as well. So a typical Friday might read 17+3P. Meaning 17 drinks plus 3 pain pills. So the calendar for 2002 was chock full of numbers. I think maybe 500 to 600 drinks, all on binges. By the time I got to 2005, it was down to 350 or so drinks.
Now I keep new calendars. Except the code now says something like MS-U-st. That means muscular-skeletal, or resistance exercise of the upper body, plus stretches. Or the code may say CV-R-pi. That would be cardio-vascular, running, plus pilates. I keep more detailed records in a logbook, but now when I see the calendar, it is not stark raving shame or guilt I feel that the full spots, but intense motivation and self-esteem. Used to be, empty days on the old calendars were the hope of the future, now they are the kick in the pants to get moving again.
-Always recovering, versus Recovery with a big ?R?. AA says anyone who used to be a alcohol dependent will be in recovery for the rest of their lives. I don?t agree with that philosophy. I do believe that I will never be able to drink just one or two, ever without experiencing major discomfort. There were times, when I could stop at one or two in my previous life, because I HAD TO. But the discomfort I felt had me paralyzed with cravings to get blitzed. It was just not worth it. Sometimes the lengths I would go to, to get the necessary booze to complete a blitz in private were quite extraordinary. I got very creative at times, as I?m sure many of you have as well.
The Recovery I?m talking about is one where I have completely changed the mental processes in my head, to consider alcohol a destructive poison to everything I want to become and get out of this life. The Allen Carr thinking is what I?m referring to here. I still get a mental craving here and there, from time to time, but now the response time for my mind to reel at the thought of the noxious liquid entering my body is very short. It gets a little shorter all the time, and I still have situations where I have to get very creative emotionally and logically to come up with the rationale to stay sober once and for all. Right then, that second, and for all the remaining seconds there after. Stay sober. I?ve already had enough drink for one lifetime, several lifetimes in fact, and don?t need to go there ever again. This is a mission of self-love and self-respect. I believe I can recover fully, and never drink again. Both can happen. I can stay sober today, and stay sober right now this second.
-I do believe fully, if I had used the AA method, I would be dead and buried now. I would have fought off the intrusive mental re-programming they champion with my last breath. I do not trust authority, and never will. All too often, those who reach positions of authority do not do so because they have any extraordinary leadership ability, or associated skills. They reach those positions, because they are good con-men, and have a convincing sales pitch. All too often, we see that what is delivered falls incredibly short of what is promised. What I?m talking about is the TRUTH. What I?m talking about is INTEGRITY. I have always believed in following the person who actually spends more time and energy doing a thing, rather than talking about it. I?ve never found a great depth of spiritual or philosophical insight in just words, but in actions and results. So I say this to you, I believe that you have it within you, to find your own best way. My way most probably will not work for you, because you are an individual. I am no mentor, or leader. BUT I am a doer, and a fighter. If you want to know how I did a certain thing, let me show you, rather than tell you. Then you know it?s real. Words, especially from a computer screen only have a certain level of power, but actions and results are the proof of the pudding. The recipe can only give you instructions on ingredients and procedures, and settings. You still have to make that pudding for yourself.
oman;">I have more on these things, but will cut it short here, and perhaps post more later. Just a few things to share, and hope that the good springs from it.
Neil
Been a while since I posted the situation here. I find I need to do this every so often, for a few reasons. One is to keep my own recovery in a forward moving mode. Another is to gain insight into what long-term sobriety is. Yet another is for the benefit of those members here, who are in those days where all seems hopeless, and wonder, ?What?s in it for me to get and stay sober??
In no particular order:
-Someone posted here recently, that they treated each day, like day 1 AF. Here at 21 months AF, I do find some solid wisdom in that statement. It?s like that almost corny one-liner from the 1970?s. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. It may be a bit contrived, but still, has truth to it. Today indeed is a new day for me to work the program, and do those things one more time, that will allow me to live in the sober frame.
-I use those words ?sober frame? here recently quite a bit. What does it mean? Frame of mind is what I?m referring to. The future will, and must be better than the past. It?s called hope. No hope always degrades to absent meaning in our lives. We must hope for a better day to arrive. Ask yourself, ?Just why should I get sober? Why should I give up the booze as a key part of my life?? Not idly, but consider those questions with intense scrutiny. Consider what you have lost, what you will lose, and then what you have to start with, and what you have to gain. Not passively, but actively. This is courage to face yourself, and what you are without deception or lies.
-The calendar. I see a lot of folks use the drink tracker, and that is good if it keeps you honest. Myself, I don?t use it, but I had my own version I used for four years before making the long-term commitment. They were big full-year wall calendars, with the slick dry-erase finish. I used a permanent marker, and during 2002 through 2005 I would write in the number of drinks I had. I also had a code on them to indicate how many pain pills I would pop as well. So a typical Friday might read 17+3P. Meaning 17 drinks plus 3 pain pills. So the calendar for 2002 was chock full of numbers. I think maybe 500 to 600 drinks, all on binges. By the time I got to 2005, it was down to 350 or so drinks.
Now I keep new calendars. Except the code now says something like MS-U-st. That means muscular-skeletal, or resistance exercise of the upper body, plus stretches. Or the code may say CV-R-pi. That would be cardio-vascular, running, plus pilates. I keep more detailed records in a logbook, but now when I see the calendar, it is not stark raving shame or guilt I feel that the full spots, but intense motivation and self-esteem. Used to be, empty days on the old calendars were the hope of the future, now they are the kick in the pants to get moving again.
-Always recovering, versus Recovery with a big ?R?. AA says anyone who used to be a alcohol dependent will be in recovery for the rest of their lives. I don?t agree with that philosophy. I do believe that I will never be able to drink just one or two, ever without experiencing major discomfort. There were times, when I could stop at one or two in my previous life, because I HAD TO. But the discomfort I felt had me paralyzed with cravings to get blitzed. It was just not worth it. Sometimes the lengths I would go to, to get the necessary booze to complete a blitz in private were quite extraordinary. I got very creative at times, as I?m sure many of you have as well.
The Recovery I?m talking about is one where I have completely changed the mental processes in my head, to consider alcohol a destructive poison to everything I want to become and get out of this life. The Allen Carr thinking is what I?m referring to here. I still get a mental craving here and there, from time to time, but now the response time for my mind to reel at the thought of the noxious liquid entering my body is very short. It gets a little shorter all the time, and I still have situations where I have to get very creative emotionally and logically to come up with the rationale to stay sober once and for all. Right then, that second, and for all the remaining seconds there after. Stay sober. I?ve already had enough drink for one lifetime, several lifetimes in fact, and don?t need to go there ever again. This is a mission of self-love and self-respect. I believe I can recover fully, and never drink again. Both can happen. I can stay sober today, and stay sober right now this second.
-I do believe fully, if I had used the AA method, I would be dead and buried now. I would have fought off the intrusive mental re-programming they champion with my last breath. I do not trust authority, and never will. All too often, those who reach positions of authority do not do so because they have any extraordinary leadership ability, or associated skills. They reach those positions, because they are good con-men, and have a convincing sales pitch. All too often, we see that what is delivered falls incredibly short of what is promised. What I?m talking about is the TRUTH. What I?m talking about is INTEGRITY. I have always believed in following the person who actually spends more time and energy doing a thing, rather than talking about it. I?ve never found a great depth of spiritual or philosophical insight in just words, but in actions and results. So I say this to you, I believe that you have it within you, to find your own best way. My way most probably will not work for you, because you are an individual. I am no mentor, or leader. BUT I am a doer, and a fighter. If you want to know how I did a certain thing, let me show you, rather than tell you. Then you know it?s real. Words, especially from a computer screen only have a certain level of power, but actions and results are the proof of the pudding. The recipe can only give you instructions on ingredients and procedures, and settings. You still have to make that pudding for yourself.
oman;">I have more on these things, but will cut it short here, and perhaps post more later. Just a few things to share, and hope that the good springs from it.
Neil
c: :heart:
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