The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

[FloridaBoy]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Bear,

Great post. It gave me a lot to think about. Ditto for the replies. I was not at the door of death but if you know you cannot control you drinking...you will be knocking one day. I am
:new: and what keeps me from drinking is the fact that the hangover last a lot longer than the buzz.

FB

[tea]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Bear, thank you, thank you, thank you for that post. I don't have words right now...

Lxx

[MDBiker]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

This is a good thread Janice. It am glad to see someone get something out of what I have learned from experience. In acutallity, I really do live ODAT, but what I have learned about ODAT is not to worry about the future, and don't hold regrets about your past. Today is all we have and we might as well live it like it is our last day. I believe in the saying "yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come." I know we have to take care of our responsibiities...pay bills, buy groceries, etc. But we can be thankful for the day God has given us, and live "today" as if it is our last day. Live, love, and dance; life is a blessing and was ment to be lived to the fullest every day. living life on life's terms isn't easy, but it is simple.

I do love you all, and wish you all the best.
:huggy
bear

[KateH1]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

This is a great thread. I can relate to what many of you have said. MOW, like you, when I first came here, I played with the idea of MODing....I made up a bunch of rules for myself. Only drink when out to dinner. No "Red Wine", something in that makes me crazy! No more than two drinks per day, with one day off every two days.............Each rule worked, but, only for a short time! Then I decided to do the 30 days AF and go from there! My first try at 30, ended up with drinking a bottle of wine on day 28. I began again the next day........Like, Bear, I am now a non-drinker, for nearly 90 days! I do not count days, there is only one rule......I do not drink!

I am so grateful and happy to be a non-drinker!!!!

Thank you All!
Love,
XXXX Kate

[Janice]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

I can relate Kate...this time round has been so much easier simply because I have accepted abstinence. Janicexxx

[jinja]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Hi,

I hope that I'm not resurrecting a dead thread - it's just I don't get that much time to read & there is so much on MWO. Hubby already think's I'm loopy, so I try to keep things short.

Everything said on this thread hits home one way or another. The lack of self value and self esteem when AL is there for me is a very scary part!!

For me ODAT took me from the end of March thro to now. Some mornings I knew before I opened my eyes that it wouldn't work, but that was only 8 days out of 40.

ODAT is also helping me live in the present, experiencing NOW. With AL, there was never a NOW!!!

I am here for the long haul!!!!!

Daily Goal - Today
Monthly Goal - May
Seasonal Goal - Winter (that'll be 3 months)

So far that's it. I will go further, but the non-drinker forever thing is still daunting. I know cognitively it's poison etc and for me 1 will lead to *******. I am wanting to be in a position when someone says "Do you fancy a drink?" I can honestly say something like "Yes - A coke (water, whatever) please" because that's what I truly want and not because it's 2nd choice.

Do you know what I mean!?!

Take care
xxx

[retteacher]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Everyone:

I don't know if this will be read or not (which doesn't really matter that much), but I reread this entire thread. It felt kind of sad seeing MDBikers posts, but there was so much feeling in them. Since I shared earlier in this thread, I've been in a relapse struggle w/myself. I've only been AF since 5/16/08, & that gives me a real perspective on how much of a hold alcoholism has on me. For now, I have to stick to the daily struggle of not picking up a drink. I can count days & hope for a sober life. However, I know how vulnerable I am. Thank God, I stayed sober today. My plan is to stay sober tomorrow. Love, Mary

[hippie37]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Mary thanks for reviving this thread as I missed it first time around. I had a lapse a few weeks back myself and reading this thread has really brought home to me how I need to live in the day and the moment and not get caught up in analyzing 'life'. I need to live the bloody damn thing and leave the rest to something that is beyond my control.

Just don't pick up that first drink TODAY Mary. Tomorrow is another day and deal with that when it comes.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Mags]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Somehow I missed this thread the first time around also. I'm so happy I have found it.

First of all, I am so struck by Bear's beautiful words. Oh Lord how I miss that wonderful man. I'm sorry. I just had to say that.

I don't know what I can add to all the great stuff that has been said already. I know for me it has been sort of a combination of the long term commitment and ODAT. I was kind of where Bear was - I was physically very ill from drinking, was about to lose my job and probably my family - all the really bad stuff - and I had to stop right away or lose everything. And I was a really big time 24/7 drinker. So it had to be ODAT for quite a while because it was just so damn hard. I sort of knew it had to be long term, but all I could possibly focus on was one day - make that one hour at a time. Gradually the time scale began to widen. I thought less in terms of hours and more in terms of days. Then in weeks. The cravings were there but I learned to live with them. At the same time I began to accept my long term abstinence more and more. The whole thing was a gradual process of transition ffom short term goals to longer term goals. And the cravings began to diminish.

It is still dynamic and the equilibrium can move back and forth. I still struggle at times and become more ODAT. Or I may have a very good period and think in strictly "rest of my life" terms. It varies.

I think it is always some sort of combination of the two if you want to be successful long term.

Whatever. Just my two cents.

[Heavenly]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

bringing this thread back to page one because every single post is worth reading ... i am at 17 months in few days but ever aware that the craving i cope with today may 'get me' tomorrow.... It never hurts to read and re-read, get support and give support

[A Work in Progress]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Thanks, Heavenly. Great thread! I don't spend a lot of time thinking specifically about ODAT, but I work quite a lot at keeping my attentional focus on the here and now (mindfulness). I have decided that I am a non-drinker. Period. And I use that very simple statement to myself, when urges/impulses/wishes/cravings arrive. "I don't drink." Then I take a deep breath, and shift my attention to something else that is happening right now... I look at the sky, or I attend to all the sounds my ears can detect, or I focus on the sensations in my feet, or the sensations of breathing... whatever. It brings me back to reality, and away from/out of fantasy and delusion and the crazy stories and bullshit my mind makes up to throw at me.

wip

[Janice]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Thanks WIP and everyone else including our dearly loved Bear. When I re-read my posts from earlier this year and how committed I was to my abstinence I can't believe I tried to moderate in June. What was I thinking of? I'm going to go back over this thread several times to re-read every bit of valuable advice as I finish day 3.

Janicexxx

[Heavenly]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

Janice, your last reply has made me finally accept I am an abstainer...just hope I can stick to it... no need fooling myself is there ?

regards

Heavenly

[retteacher]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

I love the combo approach: ODAT when I'm really needing that mindset...Abs for life as the long-term goal. This is such a great thread. When I have more time, I'm going to read it all the way through.

Mary

[CS04]

The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

A bit spooky and sad to read some of Bear's posts. He was around when I joined MWO so long ago. He sure had a lot of important things to say.