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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
all fingers & toes of the Darrens were crossed...
and it looked like progress was slowly being made. Encouraged by this, Angel continued on from the Book of Darren.....
"... the Darren gang anxiously awaited the acceptance of Roger's application.
It was reported that a few of them left on hiatus to raise families, and make
their fortunes. Quick trips back to the mainland for manicures & the latest
fashions were always on the agenda & accepted by all to be a necessity of life."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
angel's hard work looks like it's paying off
"Now Roger...think hard. Do you remember what Time said to you at that point?" asked Angel. Think..... c'mon, you can do this".
Roger contorted his face, thinking very hard... "i'm trying fallen... i think i remeber something about Time giving me a kick in the shins and telling me......
I realize that your application has not been accepted, but you do know that water temperatures drop with time, right?? "
"That's right Roger...you're doing very good" assured Angel. "Time did say that, but she was on the other ship, so the kicking of the shins didn't happen then...that's ok though...just take it slow & it will all come back to you. Now, let me tell you what happened after that....
The guy Darrens all stare at each other in utter amazement. No!....that was
something they hadn't thought about! They did however, realize that this 3 hour
tour was getting long in the tooth.... and they were slowly, but surely losing
theirs.
Again, the Darrens reacted at lightening speed.....
after 13,189 votes, all ending in a tie..... Rock/Scissor/ Paper finally made
the life-saving decision.
They called up their lawyer and had a top Engineer from NASA recruited. Several
months & millions of dollars later, the Engineer arrived with an ACME
do-it-yourself Solar Array kit. After fighting over who got to play with the
empty box, the guy Darrens finally got down to business.
10 chapters later in this saga....
the guys still hadn't got part A attached to part B yet. Thankful finally had
enough & beat them senseless with the unopened instruction manual. 12 minutes
later, thanks to Thankful....the tub in all it's glory...the butler...the
companion... the right sized bubbles....with the correct consistent water
temperature was sent across the 40 foot span to retrieve Lady Time.
There's a first time for everything:
Time was very impressed & blew the guys a kiss of her approval as she settled herself into customized bubblebath rescue vessel. This was definitely worthy of taking the long way home, so she turned the tub in the other direction and sailed across
the world to get to the Darren's boat. Being a lover of adventure, this took
quite some time, about 17 years to be exact.
The Darrens patiently waited for her arrival, since this was their only bathtub
& they still had to rescue Flyin & Angel."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
The two of them grew weary.....
...but Angel knew she must carry on. She let Roger rest for awhile, then gently awoke him & continued the story....
"A 5 month long welcome home party was held in Time's honor.
The clean-up took another 14 weeks. It was at about that time that one of the
more observant Darrens noticed that the tub had to be sent back to the mainland
& have the travel stickers sandblasted off.
Flyin stated that sand was too common, and insisted on having it diamond-blasted. A worldwide diamond shortage had occurred several years earlier due to the fact that Time showered herself everyday at 4 pm with diamond dust for that special glow at sunset as she awaited arrival of her rescue vessel...and always wanted to look her best for her send-off.
The Darrens waited a generation until a new diamond mine was
discovered, and was up & running. Due to inflation over the years, the
diamond-blasting was now going to cost more than originally planned. Guy gave up
his designated place at the Darren dinner table, went back to the mainland....
worked his way through college & got a high paying job & invested wisely in the
stock market.
When Guy returned with the funds for the diamond-blasting....the Darrens were
overjoyed to see their long lost buddy. Parties & cruises were attended for the
next 18 months. It was after they arrived back from their last inter-continent hoopla that one of them noticed that no one had shipped the tub away.
An error in judgment was made & Messenger was hired for the job. Needless to
say, the Darrens had plenty of time to take up new hobbies & go on intergalactic
cruises.
As luck would have it, after finally giving up on ever finding where Messenger
delivered the tub to, IAD...who now had full use of his right hand again (due to a new medical break-through), pulled up a beautiful claw foot tub as he was deep-sea fishing one day.
Flyin's lawyers haggled out an agreement with the guy Darren lawyers that due to unforeseen circumstances that might have been beyond their control, the guys could use this newly found tub instead, as long as it was gold-leafed.
Flyin wasn't totally thrilled with this idea, but she was a reasonable soul, and
decided that slumming it for the sake of the team might outweigh what it would
do to her dignity. Since there was now a shortage of gold in the world (yes,
another incident incurred by this 3 hour tour)....the Darrens then waited
another 18 years for a new gold supply to be discovered & brought to market.
Another 47 years was waited out for the world's finest gold-leaf artist to be
born, educated and kidnapped brought to their ship.
A retraining course was taken by all for the next 2 years because everyone
forgot what the hell they were doing here in the first place."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
limited recall of past events
As this part of their story still seemed cloaked in mystery, Angel referred back to the Book and read the following to Roger:
"Ooooooo Johnny" quivered Angel, "the view from up here is breathtaking." She
slyly snuggled in closer.... "I just adore your little love nest in the sky" she
cooed in an attempted sexy voice, but sounded more like an un-oiled hinge. Angel
wasn't sure if it was the altitude or the fact that Johnny's lips were very
close to hers...but everything suddenly started to spin & go very dark. "Damn.
What a time to go weak in the wings" she thought, as her knees buckled &
everything went black."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
Angel recounts Flyin's high standards...
The gold-leafed tub glistened magnificently as the sun slowly sank over the horizon.
Flyin inspected it closely. Still not impressed in the fact that this was not
the original tub that she had counted on for her journey back to the Darren
boat... it was a beauty, even though she knew that she would never admit this to
anyone. Yes, compromises had to be made in life, and she knew that the sacrifice
she was enduring, was for the good of all Darrenhood & those to follow. She
carefully measured all the bubbles for size...double-checked the water
temperature.... and to her amazement, the Darrens seemed to have finally got it
right & she was now about to be on her way home. Slipping down from the side of
the ship, her freshly polished toe-nails gleamed in the setting sun. As her
first toe touched the water surface, she recoiled in horror & let out a
chill-wrenching scream. "How DARE you!!" Flyin cursed... "How DARE you insult me like this!"
All the guy Darrens looked at each other...wondering which was to
blame... and if their poor bodies could endure any more of the Sisterhood's
reign of pain. They quickly compared notes & checklists, and nothing seemed to
have been overlooked, at far as they could see. 3 days later & a small fortune
spent on Godiva chocolates sent over to Flyin, the guys finally realized what had gone so terribly wrong.....
they had not used imported water."
AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
Today is the tomorrow we dreamed about yesterday
Angel knew there was not much time before Time's time machine brought them back to future time of the present....
Angel continued on with the tales from the Book of Darren, hoping...praying that Roger's memory would soon return & the Darren's future would remain secure. All the Darrens now gathered around, knowing the gravity of the situation...listening intently to Angel's recitings:
"There was no time to waste.
The Darrens knew this water problem must quickly be resolved.
They contemplated the idea of thinking about it for the next 5 months. After
another 2 week marathon of Rock/Scissor/Paper, the decision was made, and agreed
on by all that they really needed to look into this in more detail. They formed
committees & attended meetings for the next 23 months. After they got semi-bored
playing with the paperclips, they decided that maybe they should start
discussing the imported water issue. They debated on that for the next 17 months
and then took a well needed holiday for the next 2 years.
Since they all forgot to hand in a leave-of-absence notice, all were demoted
when they returned & had to work their way back up the corporate ladder so that
they were allowed back in the executive board room to play with the paperclips
again. 4 months of bitter fighting & it was finally agreed that the paperclips
should be temporarily removed from the room so that they could get down to the
business at hand. 3 months later, after Guy was released from Intensive Care
from injuries sustained in the boardroom brawl, it was finally settled. The
paperclips had to go. 18 months in Rehab was required by all to get over the
initial withdrawal symptoms of being PF (paperclip free). An additional 7 month
setback was added into the equation because tlrgs had smuggled a paperclip into
rehab & was unaware of what a sharp, pointy thingy might do to the internal
workings of the human body.
When Roger finally showed up back at the boardroom, it was suggested that a head
count be taken. This caused further delays ( 6 years 14 weeks 3 days) due to the
fact that the one counting had a knot in their shoelace & couldn't get their
shoe off. As usual, the Darrens patiently waited, and there were only 347
fistfights reported in this time frame. (For clarification purposes, it should
be noted that the shoelace was unknotted by sending IAD back in time with Time's
time machine. To make a long story short, over the course of 27 years, he became
a close confident of Houdini. After swearing on a stack of Bibles & handing over
his first born (which took a considerable amount of time, considering he had to
first find someone that would give him the time of day, and then trick them into
bed)... IAD was finally given the answer he had been sent there to find. He hung
around for another 4 years just for the hell of it & then he decided that maybe
he shouldn't doddle & get back to the boardroom. It then took IAD a total of 67
years to find where he had parked the Time Machine & figure how to fire that
puppy up....but of course we all know this really doesn't count due to the
Time/Space continuum factor).
When he returned, it really didn't appear like he was gone at all, and the
Darrens were a bit uncomfortable with the fact that it to an outsider, IAD's
mission might be perceived as being executed with haste. After lengthy
discussion, they decided to let the appropriate time pass in real time, to give
weight to this monumental deed that IAD had performed.
After said amount of time elapsed, the gang again discussed in length about how
long they should wait. It was finally agreed that they were all anxious to hear
what great knowledge IAD had acquired to get themselves out of this jam.
Without further delay... and only 16 discussions later... the Darrens huddled
together to watch IAD perform his magic. Beads of sweat formed on IAD's forehead
as he craddled the shoe in his hands. No Darren dared to speak... the room fell
so quiet, you could hear a paperclip drop. The suspense was too much for Roger &
he passed out. No one knew what to do in this type of emergency, so it was
decided after lengthly discussion that they should all take a CPR course.... and
of course, a couple of workshops in stained glass to round it out. Roger came to
on his own & wondered where the hell everyone went. He decided to go find them &
proceeded to get himself lost. The rest of the gang returned with their new
found skills after several years (they had decided to stick together as a team,
and waited until everyone had passed Level 1 Introduction to Stained Glass).
They were mystified to find that Roger was not where they left him & immediately
(after months of debate) launched a search party. Roger got so lost that he
actually found his way back by mistake. As luck would have it, one of the
Darrens popped back in to find a paperclip at the same time. The two were
overjoyed by this coincidence that they threw a wild party for 2 months over the
fact that things nice things happen to nice people. 47 days into the party,
one of them got the brilliant idea that the other Darrens should get in on the
festivities.
Messenger was called upon for his services, and 8 months later the message was
delivered. 19 months later the Darrens were all back in the boardroom & awaiting
IAD's moment of glory. An orchestra & dance girls were brought in to to add a
dash of drama to the occasion. The beads of sweat that had put their journey on
hold, now began their course down IAD's forehead. His hands trembled as one hand
held the shoelaced side...and the other one cupped the heel. Holding his breath,
IAD summoned up all his courage and gently...
pulled the shoe off.
The Darrens broke out in cheers of jubilation, and 7 years of partying thus followed. An
additional 4 months of celebration was added as not to appear rude to the last
guest that didn't want the party to end.
The Darrens now thought that maybe it was time to get back to business. The head
count resumed, and to their astonishment, they now realized that the total
amount of Darrens in the room could be counted without the assistance of toes.
Of course, this needed to be double checked, and checked again for errors that
might have occurred during double checking."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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A Journey Of A Thousand Miles...
"Roger.. please pay attention. I know you're tired...we're both tired..... but you have to know all this so that when the time comes, you'll know what to do. The destiny of the Darrens will one day be in your hands....
Angel's voice faded, her eyes welled with tears knowing what fate might await the Darrenhood if she could not get Roger to remember their 3 hour tour. All felt lost, when suddenly Roger spoke up "and yeah so did they get flyin's water fallen?"
A glint of hope sparked in Angel's eyes.. "yes.... and no" she replied, now seeing what could possibly be a breakthrough. "You see... the Darrens realized that this was something that needed to be approached in a scientific way, so they threw slips of paper of all the countries that made imported water into a hat and picked straws on who would choose first. Travel plans were made but only after years of major purchasing so as to build up travel reward points & save money. A few minor setbacks occurred, but nothing serious.
Guy was sent to the Swiss Alps and had to remain there until two separate glaciers converged together on the spring solace during a blue moon. He reported back that it was well worth the wait... in fact, it tasted just like the water his Mom used to pour so lovingly from the kitchen tap.
Hippie's delay was much longer. Apparently he had to pick up water that had been blessed by virgins, and they were having trouble finding one.
Eventually, all the Darrens returned to the boardroom & each of them proudly displayed a 6-pak of the water they brought back from their travels. A party broke out & soon after, so did a water balloon fight. Unfortunately, no imported water survived the ordeal."AF 6 years
NF 7 years
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step
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