I have to admit I've been MIA here for the last 5 years, but one of the voices that pulled me back was Chief... I'm not certain he's here anymore, but he is one of the calming voices that pulled me back here.
I wrote this last week, and it was my encounter with "The Beast":
I have to admit that some weeks are better than others, where I'm happy and forward looking.... and then one day of cravings turns into two days, and the little voice of temptation sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear that sobriety is over rated... that I over reacted... that I am smart enough to moderate "again".
I get distracted easier, quiet thoughts get interrupted with "fucking" this and "fuck that"...
Last night, I was that f'ing close to caving in.
I was in this f'ing state of mind and went out to dinner with my husband and son.
When the waiter asked for my drink order, I said, "just water for me", and he must have heard, as he parroted back to me, "a glass of Riesling" in the noisy restaurant. ??? WTF?
"No! Water!" I outwardly smiled and cursed that f'ing temptation.
My soothing moment that once again grounded me was after dinner, when we got back home and I got our dog ready for his nightly walk.
My 22 yr old son gave me a huge "kitchen hug" and said, "You okay, Mom?"
Feeling sorry for myself, I said, "What's the fucking point, Ed?"
He hugged me tighter and said,
"The point is the fucking same whether you drink or not". :hug:
That was the kick in the pants I needed, from someone I love and adore...
So today, the f'ing pity party is over. I'm on the other side, I rode through the storm.
Tomorrow isn't promised, so today, I will protect my Quit.
P.S. Kitchen hugs are better than chocolate chip cookies."
Chief, I don't know if you are still on MWO, but your wisdom, 12 years later, still speaks to my heart. :heartbeat:
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