another leason learned!

[cmhguy3]

Hello My long term abstaining friends,

I need to tell you that I have drank a few times over the course of this past week. I have no explanation other than I wanted to see if I could. Does that make sense? I don?t feel like a failure but I am upset with myself. The good news is I never had more than a few and did not get super wasted. I think it is ironic that other long term abstainers have been struggling as well on the boards and it just reaffirms to me that you can never take your eye off the ball. Please don't give in like I did. I also must admit that I did not really enjoy it. I think it was the case of good old fashioned Midwest guilt!

I am once again dusting myself off and resetting my clock so to speak. I did have a thought this morning though as it was pointed out to me a while back by Fallen Angel, even though I have fell off the wagon numerous times since I joined MWO last December, I have had the most alcohol free days of my life in 2008. Before I came here I was drinking up to two bottles of wine or half a liter of vodka a night and that had gone on for about five years! I realize that I must continue to work on my triggers and find more ways to cope with that sneaky beast voice because I have no intentions to go back to that life. I have come to far to give up now!

So even though I have stumbled, I am still oh so grateful for finding this site and for all of you wonderful people who have supported each of us on this journey and battle. I also wanted to say that I so admire you all who are farther along on your own journeys. If it were not for you and support and encouragement I don?t think I would have had the successes that I have had. You all are my inspiration!

Guy
Day one!

PS, Last night after a few drinks, I decided to pour the rest down the drain and have some juice and start getting it out of my system. But when I took the bottle out of the freezer, it slipped out of my hands and crashed to the floor and shattered! Do you think that was a sign from God? I do!

[tlrgs]

another leason learned!

hey i love you buddy .. it take alot to be honest ..and spill you guts .. and you are the man .. glad to hear you can look back and learn and move on .. and whip yourself into shape and heres the lady to do it

[A Work in Progress]

another leason learned!

one2many;445611 wrote: Maybe your grip wasn't as desperately tight on the bottle as it was in the past.....and it slipped through your hands.....

Huge ditto to what OneTwo just said.

Good for you, for realizing what you really want in your life (and don't want), and doing what's necessary to make it happen; honesty is such a HUGE part of recovery. I admire your honesty and determination!

wip

[startingover]

another leason learned!

Guy, thank you for sharing that. I think its important for us all to know that we cannot become complacent...ever. And I dont think that that is necessarily a bad thing. We know what we want and we constantly strive to achieve it.
Big congratulations for getting right back on the wagon and realising what works for you.
Startingover x

[time2change]

another leason learned!

Guy
Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad to see that you titled the thread another lesson learned because that is exactly how you should look at it. Remember this lesson the next time and remember how much progress you have made. We will all be cheering you on!!!

[river0123]

another leason learned!

Guy, I'm glad you shared this. I think there are many of us who want to test the waters to "see if we can handle it". What it comes down to for me is that I don't want just one, two or three. I want ten. And until it truly is "butter" to me (which it may never be), it's safest to say no rather than play with fire.
P.S. The guilt is also holding me back - a good thing in this case

[Seacailin]

another leason learned!

Thanks for sharing that Guy
I have been struggling myself. Back on Day 4 and don't even know if I will make it through today. Sports is a Huge trigger for me and the Red Sox are playing Game 7. Do or Die against Tampa tonight. Beer and sports have been a Huge part of my past. I have been going to AA meetings every night. Perhaps I can find one today before the game, and maybe find some sober folks to watch the game with. I feel the same way that you do about the "slips". I have had more AF days since joining MWO last July than in the in the past four years.

[Heavenly]

another leason learned!

Hey Guy from a long-termer ...sounds like I'm in prison for life ! But actually being alcohol free, sober or whatever you want to call it, is being set free from prison ....

You wanted to see what it would be like to drink, well I can say so have I, many times wanted to see if I could moderate my drinking, but before I finally went af I found I couldn't at this stage in my life.

Now you have found it is really better for you to abstain, just start again, no-one who has abstained for longer periods will knock you because as you say we have all been wobbly, shaky or call it what you will, and we all support you and are here to give you that support as we have received support too...

C'mon Guy you can jump back in with us long termers !!

Good Luck and chin up...

Heavenly x

Seacailin ... don't give in to it, you have been af for many days on and off so keep the faith and stay sober ... x

[river0123]

another leason learned!

Sea, good idea to go before the game. It sure is a change in habits, isn't it? I used to love watching Ugly Betty or the Tudors with drink in hand. I no longer watch much TV because the pull is too strong to sit back and relax with a drink. I almost feel like I am learning to walk. I did it a certain way for so long, I have to relearn it the correct way (does that make sense?). It is frustrating at times.
I think you are doing great - look at all those AF days you've racked up

[doubter]

another leason learned!

Thanks for sharing guy!

I too was considering myself a longterm abstainer and suddenly slipped. A definite attack of the overconfidence virus for me.

As Neil so aptly put it recently, there are innumerable triggers that are lurking there to nudge us back to the drink. We cannot ever feel too complacent that we've got them all figured.

Probably this slip is not all bad (in a round-about way). Just makes it so very clear that sobriety is a far more fulfilling life state.

All the best Guy.

Karmayogi

[cmhguy3]

another leason learned!

Thanks all for the encouraging words! I feel strong today and resolve that this round of slips will not lead to binging. The Beast has already been put on notice! Hypnosis disc is back out and I will eat enough Kudzu and L-glut to choke a horse each day to make sure of that. Onward and Upward.

XOXOX
Guy

[Chief]

another leason learned!

Great attitude, Guy......you've tested the water and have found you didn't like it......that's a good thing...

Get right back in the game......think AF......don't allow The Beast to trick you or make you think you can mod.....it's an illusion...

Just concentrate on one thing today.....I will not drink.

Don

[on my way]

another leason learned!

As you know, none of us are perfect. This journey we're on is bound to have some bumps along the way. I think as long as you know which way to go when you get up from a fall, you will be fine.

nat