Sober(ing) thought??

[doubter]

Hi everybody!

Its been close to nine months now that I first came to MWO and for this whole period, except for a couple of consecutive days , have stayed away from drinking. The more distance I put between myself and my old drinking ways, the better I am feeling and coping with issues in life. There has been an allround improvement in the quality of my life - professionally, physically, personally, financially and family wise. This period has enabled me to look closely into all areas of concern in my life and most of them show distinct signs of improvement.

One area that's causing me to , not exactly worry, but to pause and reflect about is professional networking. I work and stay in a closed society of sorts, where drinking among our professional fraternity is almost a way of life. Partying is de rigueur. Any not-so-ordinary occurrence becomes an excuse for drinking. Birthday. Booze party. Promotion. Booze party. Farewell. Booze party. Children's birthday. Booze party. Seminars. Booze party. Presentations. Booze party. In the past nine months I must have suffered through maybe fifty occasions where alcohol was flowing for free.

And in all those parties, colleagues / friends keep making snide, pointed references to my newfound love of sobriety and self-enforced monkhood which by now I've learned to parry.

But sometimes I wonder whether, because of my sober ways, I'm being excluded from insider information about my company / area of work , which as a drinking buddy, I was earlier privy to. In this troubled financial times, networking might even be a lifeline.

Is this a downside ( if I may call that) of going sober?

Would appreciate fellow-mwoers thoughts on this issue.

Peace to all.

Karmayogi.

[Guitarista]

Sober(ing) thought??

Hey there Doubter. Firstly, i'm sorry to hear about the troubles in Mombai at the moment. Re- drinking/work stuff being withheld potentially?.... Well, possibly..If you're not 'one of the boy's' etc.... I'm a musician, af, and my work place is/are bars, and alcohol environments... I need to network too, though maybe different to your situation, but luckily for me, socialising with drinker's doesn't bother me for a little while, but get's boring when other's are slurring, and drunk. That's when i bid my farewell's, have a pre-arranged exit plan and leave. I put the social time in with ppl. and try to relax, and they seem to appreciate it. especially since you and me would likely be attractive ppl. in that situation to the smarter ones no? G.

[A Work in Progress]

Sober(ing) thought??

Doubter, I think that is a legitimate question, or concern, and I think that you may very well be correct. In some professions, and in some business environments, depending on the local culture, you might miss out on hearing about some things; you might even miss out on building some important relationships, if you don't join in with the drinking. I was once part of such an environment, and one of the reasons I drank was to be part of the crowd, because important people in my field, at the time, were heavy drinkers.

It's like many decisions and situations in life. There may be "down" sides when we make major changes that are necessary for our health. It's better to acknowledge and accept that, I think, than to start drinking again or get resentful about it (which would be very understandable, but not helpful). There may also be "work-arounds" that would involve a lot more effort, such as scheduling more lunch meetings or sessions with key people, playing golf with them, etc.

wip

[tlrgs]

Sober(ing) thought??

all i caln say is simple no .. it takes a clear head to handle business the right way .. sober and honest.. and good to see you doubter...stay strong and think positive .. buddy

[momof3]

Sober(ing) thought??

Here's a couple of thoughts that came to mind when I read your post...these may not be true for you, but thought I would put them out there.

Those of us who abuse AL often choose work and friends that support our AL laden lifestyle. For example, my work allowed me the flexibility to drink anytime I chose to.

Anytime during our sobriety, our brains can begin to entertain reasons for returning to AL, for example, my life is too stressful, my lack of drinking isolates me from others and from important business relationships, others seem to be able to drink in moderation, perhaps I can too.

[Boss.man]

Sober(ing) thought??

I can see both sides of it. If you feel confident enough, you can go back and rejoin your colleagues and just drink a soda. The advantage is that you'll REMEMBER what is said.

But in my experience, what is said is not important at all. It's just being present and part of the group.

Not really sure how you solve it. Maybe observe what members of the group also don't participate, due to family issues or whatever, and ask them for advice...

[time2change]

Sober(ing) thought??

Doubter
It is good to see you posting and I hope that all the violence in India has not touched you.
I would just like to give you my thoughts on your post. I truly beleive that there will be many many trying times that will cause us all to reflect on our life and decide if we want to choose to be sober or not. There will be relationship problems, financial problems, family issues, natural disasters, illness, peer pressure and numerous other pressures on us. We can choose to let them change how we live our life or we can keep our soberity and make it the most important thing in our life. I have lived through many of these and am still facing more, but I have chosen to live my life sober and you need to make your choice as well. We need to remember the life we lived (before soberity) and think about how our life will change if we decide to retrun to that life style.
It may be true that you are missing out on certain information, but you need to decide what is more important in your life.
XO
Time

[doubter]

Sober(ing) thought??

further thoughts

Thanks for all of you - Guitarista, Work-In-Progress, Roger, momof3, Bossman & Time - for taking the time to read and respond to my post.

Firstly, I reside in India, far away from Mumbai, so physically I am not affected by the terrorist attacks of the past five days. Emotionally, like all rightminded citizens, I am shaken by the depravity of the act. Although, we in India are by now used to inexplicable random acts of violence, this particular terrorist strike is in a completely different league. To ponder upon the causes, the effects and the remedies of such dastardly acts require a seperate thread for discussion.

I was definitely not in a frame of mind to even entertain thoughts of going back to drink, when I started this thread. I've come so far down the road to sobriety that the call of the alcohol siren is very faint now. However, the issue of professional networking was playing on my mind.

Giving up alcohol meant that I had to alter a lifestyle which I was used to for a decade or more. The choice of my present career, maybe unconsciously, was determined by the perk of an alcohol-laden lifestyle (' Those of us who abuse AL often choose work and friends that support our AL laden lifestyle'..these words ring so very true in my case, momof3!). That was then.

The work-arounds that WIP, you have suggested, make nice sense. I am trying to slowly get into social activities that do not have alcohol as a sweetener. I am trying to get a few of my colleagues interested in areas where I have an interested in - playing cricket ( in place of golf), running, reading and volunteering. I think I should keep building contacts based on these interests rather than drinking.

And as Bossman suggests, I should look around for inspiration, people who have NOT used alcohol as a crutch to climb up the corporate ladder, and learn from their example.

Peace to all

Karmayogi

[FallenAngel]

Sober(ing) thought??

doubter;479521 wrote:
Is this a downside ( if I may call that) of going sober?

Not a downside, the reality to living life sober in a drinking world.
We have chosen to take the high road, and this is not always easy...but in our hearts, we know that this is the path we must keep on, to get to where we want to be in life.
Yes, there will always be people that taunt us... trying to bring us down to their level... ignore them, for it is their shortcomings, not ours.

And Doubter...
have I mentioned lately how proud I am of you??? Not only for how you have embraced your sobriety, but also for how you have found new joy & contentment in your life. Your friendship has brought such richness to my life, I feel so lucky to have a friend like you that I can share everything with...thank you...you are a true blessing in my life :l

[gyco]

Sober(ing) thought??

must be tuff be a profressional,i met many like you where i went.beleive me i feel sorry for you,over WORKED,but who really no s but you.this is a great site gyco

[FallenAngel]

Sober(ing) thought??

Geez Doubter... I can't believe that I almost forgot the reason I posted today, especially since there's an anniversary coming up.....



*Angel looks around for a nice rock & pulls out her slingshot*

[doubter]

Sober(ing) thought??

FallenAngel;494709 wrote:
Yes, there will always be people that taunt us... trying to bring us down to their level... ignore them, for it is their shortcomings, not ours.

Angel!

As you have rightly been pointing, when we are trying to break away from the habits and lifestyle that have been causing us harm for years, these efforts might appear threatening to our former drinking buddies. Or atleast, that's what's been happening in my case.

Quitting drinking has freed up a lot of time and energy for me and I'm probably looking for right avenues to channelize those into, and that's the reason for this existential questions.

And thanks for everything that you've been to and done for me. Your companionship is what kept my sobriety on course for so long, notwithstanding the minor blip...the slip.

Rock on!

[fickle]

Sober(ing) thought??

Hey,

Very inspiring post doubter and definitely an issue for many of us. Of course you are experiencing a little tension from your old drinker coworkers - I would say you now look better, feel better and are more alert and capable than your old buddies now.. that would bring up suspicion and resentment in any competitive workplace environment. Just remember that being the best you can be is always going to put other people's noses out of joint!

Congratulations on finding new ways to new friendships that will nourish the new you. Any of your old friends that are true friends will settle down and accept the new you in time. (Appreciation to WIP for the wise advice also.)

I am taking this all on board myself!