30 days and beyond

[retteacher]

30 days and beyond

Doubter: I have the same goal as you do, though I feel so wonderful, I'd like to stay sober for life. Mary

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Caysea, Johnny, I totally agree. Having a plan... really, a "life plan," like Kate was describing... is such an important key. I think that the planning plays a role, too, in changing the way we think about the whole thing. It's like moving gradually from "counting days" to just knowing that drinking is something we don't do... I don't drink.

I don't smoke crack.
I don't jump out of airplanes.
I don't wear hats (unless I am outside and it's below zero!)
I don't eat octopus.
I don't throw trash out of my car window.
I don't drink.

Moving from the relative shelter and safety of taking antabuse, into a life in which your mind knows that drinking is much more of a practical possibility... that will definitely take some planning about environmental triggers, about managing thoughts and emotions, etc. I'm glad you are already thinking about that, Johnny!

[LVT25]

30 days and beyond

I told myself I was just going to stay off of this thread, because I'm trying to cut down on my Internet (MWO) time. BUT.....Peacnik inspired me to add my story to this thread.

I'll try to post the condensed version!:H

I decided once and for all I HAD to quit smoking! When I finally got honest with myself it was obvious I HAD to quit drinking in order to do that. That's how it started. I had given some thought to my drinking habits in the past, but usually on a hangover day, that it was really stupid to keep drinking the way that I was. I found the book, My Way Out on Amazon.com and I bought it thinking how cool it would be to learn to control my drinking. I bought some supplements, and the hypno cd's.

After I read the book, I decided I was going to drink in moderation. Well, I didn't/couldn't and of course it f$%*ed up my smoking quit. I FINALLY committed to no drinking for 30 days. Then, 60. At 69 days we were at a wedding out of town with my in-laws (big drinkers) and I had 1 glass of champagne and 1 beer all weekend. COOL! But, you know, it didn't really do much for me.....There were a couple of times I had a few (4-5) beers, but I always craved the ciggies when I drank, and gave in to that craving one time on 9-5-08. The last time I drank was 9-26-08, with friends here for a Husker football game. Somewhere along the line I realized how OVER-RATED drinking is, how much better I feel, what a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better parent I am. Something in me changed. Maybe it's just a new chapter in my life that was bound to happen eventually with age. But with the help of the program and the support and KNOWLEDGE here at MWO---No thanks. Or, no thanks, I don't drink anymore!

So to all of you struggling, or just starting out--this is for you. IT DOES GET EASIER! At least it did for me. IF you work the program and dedicate yourself to it. I had to change my lifestyle a little and learn to do things without the beer and ciggies. Once you retrain your brain and keep telling it that you don't want that HANGOVER--it will quiet down about it. OKAY? Never quit trying to quit---AL or ciggies!!:h

[peacenik]

30 days and beyond

thank you lvt!

[KateH1]

30 days and beyond

Great Posts! WIP...I love that train of thought....I don't smoke crack, I don't have face piercings, I don't drive recklessly, I don't drink!!

There is a lot said here about Friday being a "Trigger Day"....So, what can we do on Friday, to relax after a long hard week, and what rewards will an AF Friday Bring?

I will order in "Take Away Dinner"....(I have a big stack of menus!!) It will cost less than booze!

I will take a nice relaxing bath and watch a movie! Then snuggle with my sweetie!!

I will wake up early tomorrow....refreshed, feeling great and ready for a wonderful day off, no matter what the day may bring!!

[momof3]

30 days and beyond

Ahhh, I am basking in the warmth of another thread where people are serious about being non-drinkers!

I am a frequent visitor of the threads in long-term and monthly abstainers and do not venture off much into other discussion threads.

Being a nondrinker is becoming a way of life for me and very recently I had my first experience of not being anxious or reluctant about attending a social event where Al was going to be flowing freely. Another victory!

My love/hate affair with Al started at the age of 13 or 14. I've had several attempts at modding and well....you know how that goes.

Like others here, I found that being a non-drinker meant changing the way that I live in the world. For me, that translates into several goals that revolve around living a healthy, honorable and honest life.

I am currently in a very stressful period of my life. I have a close friend who is like a younger sister to me who recently suffered from a stroke at the age of 37. I am spending as much time as I can with her and helping out with her children. I am also self-employed and have no work on the horizon. But you know what? I am riding this roller coaster pretty darn well. I am allowing myself to experience all of the feelings that come up. I am not running away from them. Without Al in my life, I am learning about myself and who I really am. I am now a much more thoughtful and compassionate person. I don't live under the delusion that I can change or control anyone. And, I don't get sucked into drama or into action/reaction. I am also aware that Al did alot of damage to my self-esteem and I am working hard to feel better about myself. I am grateful for all of these changes.

I do not for one minute feel that Al is no longer an issue for me. I know that I will always have that pull there, but it becomes less and less compelling as my life as a nondrinker becomes so much more interesting.

[Tom 4.0]

30 days and beyond

Hi everyone!

Like many of you, three months seems to be a transitional point in my new AF life. I was a total failure at moderation and had to go Alcohol Free . I would not have made it through the first days, weeks and months without the advice, honesty and love of the Daily Abs thread. Thank you all again!

Now, I often go days without thinking about alcohol, but I know I'm still vulnerable to the call of the Beast. (I had a dream last night about relaxing on a nice warm beach with a cold, sweet drink or two...or eight!) I'll be coming here for occasional support and inspiration as needed, and post when I have something new to contribute. Thanks for starting this thread!

Last week, while filling out a doctor's questionaire, I had the pleasure of answering "Alcohol use?" with a big fat ZERO! I don't drink. :H

[retteacher]

30 days and beyond

Tom: I too was able to check the "none" box when filling out a medical questionaire. It felt good. I know I have to be vigilant, because I had a very long AF period from Nov. 07 until Mar. 08. I'm not even sure what got me started again. Throughout 08, I struggled to put AF days together. As Chief has said (I paraphrase): It's easier to quit all together than to keep quitting & going back & quitting again. I do go for long periods wo/thinking about AL, but all of a sudden the stray thought will just pop into my mind. Last week, I was near (not even within eyeshot) of a liquor store I used to frequent. I got the thought of maybe I'll get myself a bottle of wine. Nothing I can think of triggered it.

I've read posts & talked to long, long-term absters. Many of them have said that they hardly think about AL at all. I want to get to that place. For now, I have to treat AL like poison. I don't even look at it if I can help it.

Mary

[SAUSAGE]

30 days and beyond

Hi again all

I've just completed a "first" since my current sobriety. We had a friend round for dinner and to stay over Fri night. Whenever she has stayed in the past (and her husband too - although he was working away and unable to come up on this occasion) we always had plenty to drink. I was really wondering how I could host this thing sober - seemed so much harder than going out and staying sober which i've done quite a few times in the last few months. Anyway, I got some AF sparkling rose "champagne" in which I was really looking forward to and I had a really enjoyable evening. The first 15 mins or so were a bit tough but from then on it was fine. Mr Sausage and my friend had lots to drink - champagne, white wine and a 16% red wine and eventually became quite tipsy, conversation really flowed and I really enjoyed the evening and felt really fresh and alert to the end unlike the others who became tipsy, lethargic and too tired and just wanted to crawl to their beds. I felt great this am too whereas needless to say, they were a little jaded! This has come as a huge confidence boost too as I approach my 100 days and i am feeling much more confident about the future. I honestly don't feel I would have enjoyed the evening any more (prob overall less actually) with alchohol. I really must have turned a corner!

One thing I did want to share with all you long term sober people who have more experience of this sort of thing than me, which my friend started talking to me about once she'd had about 3 glasses - was - her father in law is a recovering alcoholic - has been sober for over 20yrs, however she tells me that even now he rarely socialises or goes anywhere where alcohol will be served as he's scared he'll cave in and start drinking again. He recently went to a wedding of a long term friend but he only attended the service and not the reception because he didn't want to face people drinking. Does this surprise any of you given that he has been sober over 20 yrs, it's not like he's just started? He is so scared of alcohol that his wife has had to give up her social life and practically stay at home with him to support him? When his family have him round for a meal they can never serve alcohol if he is present. I deliberately used the word "recovering" when I described him and not "recovered" because even though he has 20+ yrs behind him it doesn't sound to me as though he has recovered at all - just hanging on in there by sheer willpower. What do others think? Going back to what was being discussed the other day about a "life plan" I feel this is essential to see other ways of enjoying life without AL - it sounds to me as though he been unable to do this and is living the life of a martyr - what do others think, or am I being very harsh? I would hate to think that 20 yrs from now (assuming I am sober) I am like this - I mean i'm not even like this now - i've been reasonably comfortable in social situations were others are drinking, and I see my own husband drink in front of me almost every evening. At times i've moaned about Mr Sausage and how he still has wine in the house and drinks around me, but hearing this story has made me realise that in a way it has toughened me up? What do others feel - this is realy troubling me and I really want to know what other long term abstainees think?

Good night all,

I'll be back later

Sausage xx

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Way to go, Sausage! Proud of you!

As to the old(er) guy, that is REALLY sad, and certainly not typical (I don't think) of people who have been AF for 20 years! My experience with folks with very long-term sobriety has mostly been either in AA, where people are very social, not frightened of being around alcohol at all... or some people who just quit on their own, and they are quite social as well... but then as I write this, I wonder... how would we know about the ones who are staying home, alone? I don't know. But it certainly is sad, and so very unnecessary. I'm thinking that perhaps he had/has a comorbid anxiety disorder that has never been properly diagnosed or treated...

[Beck]

30 days and beyond

Sausage,

Congrats! That's great confidence-building stuff!!! I am one of those AF folks who does not avoid. I haven't avoided social situations since about day 60. I just plow forward. I have had people who I used to drink with stay in my home and drink '"my" wine. And even at 6 months AF, it was uncomfortable but that only lasts a little while. Now those people don't expect me to drink with them and know that it doesn't bother me if they drink. Sad to say that there are people like your friends FIL. In my world, that's not really living. My social life no longer revolves around AL but it is still there on the periphery. I have to say that one of my friends who stayed for a few days and was working on her second bottle of wine started talking about how most people who quit one bad habit just pick up another. Sounded a bit like an excuse for her to keep her drinking habit than an actual "fact" to me.

Best,

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

Sausage, that is so positive and a boost to others to hear that you can have guests home who drink and yet remain sober. This is exactly the kind of positive affirmation we need on long termers.

As for the man who is still scared after 20 years, I agree with WIP, I don't know the terminology for his condition, but I suspect his fears could be the fear of failure, or plain 'ole' mental ill health to a degree ... he would be better getting this sorted by diagnosis and probably cognitive behavioural therapy ... along with medication etc ... ongoing support for him AND his caring wife...

I have certainly felt how he is feeling, I would say up to the first year if not upto 15 months and then occasional wobbles thereafter (as I have posted) ... at nearly 2 years sober now, I too, hardly think of alcohol in a daily 'craving' or 'avoiding' context ... I am so glad I am getting to the 'take it or leave it' stage.

This may also be due to the fact that I was a 'home alone' drinker and therefore socialising outside the home was never a trigger, I can attend a party every night where alcohol flows freely and not care
( I was always the driver) ... but let there be a drop of alcohol in the house and my anxiety creeps up (well, let me be honest, at times it goes up so fast it's off the radar !! LOL) ...

For example, there was an open bottle of wine (a 1 litre bottle at that), in the kitchen over New Year and I didn't bother until the 2nd day when I asked my teenager to tip it down the sink, my husband had opened it, had one glass himself and gave a guest 2 or 3 glasses and left it there for 2 days
(my husband drinks 1 glass a year ...if that !), so I knew he wouldn't care if it was gone ... This was another litmus test for me to assess my thoughts, anxiety and control ...

Ok, my thoughts were more of being aggravated that he left it open in full view - knowing what he knows (although I think he is still in denial of my alcoholism / alcohol abuse), my anxiety was mild
(I knew I didn't want it, couldn't have it and so wasn't too anxious), control - totally in control, no cravings nor temptation (bearing in mind I would drink wine if I fancied it but it was not my drink of choice).

I can only say that it is getting better, day by day, month by month until it is no longer taking prominence in my mind above all else as it used to.
I sometimes look back and view my behaviour - literally see myself in the past - and what I see disgusts me, what would I do if a friend of mine did what I was doing then ...

In a nutshell, (because I can ramble if left to my own devices) I am happy now, sober, thinner, getting to where I really want to be and you ALL can too.

[Guitarista]

30 days and beyond

G'day guy's.
I'm around 4 months here, and rockin'! My attitude is positive, and great things are happening for me, as my new af life unfolds. I too am a social af'er these days, and learning to enjoy bar's, and gig's with my beer, i.e. ginger beer, and i'm enjoying the buzz of the nightlife without the grog. Of course, in these early, trailblazing day's, i always drive myself to and from an al environment, with a trusty exit plan, although close friends understand. My mates still drink around me, which is cool.
A nice 'offshoot' to me being af, was a friend was noticing how more inspired i was etc, and asked me how i felt being af. We had a little chat, where i suggested he maybe try a day or two a week off the grog. This was on a Saturday. I saw him at a gig on wed. knocking back the orange juice! 4 day's af for him! He's not giving up, just pulling himself up after the holiday's, but my point being that while af is good for us, we also have an influence through our positive actions, on other's around us...................Be well, G.

[SAUSAGE]

30 days and beyond

Hi again

Very interesting reading your comments about my friend's father in law. It is a subject which has troubled me over the last 36hrs since she talked about him and I am very relieved by your responses that this is not normal. I know very little about him - having only met him once at my friend's wedding 11yrs ago - in fact I don't even recall him from the wedding and certainly was unaware whether he was drinking or not. I only found out recently that he is a recovering alcoholic, when I confided in my friends about my own drink problem. I think WIP is correct in that he must have other mental health issues. As to his drinking habits before I understand he drank all day (beers I think although when desperate would drink mouthwash.) In fact his son (my friend's husband) told me he didn't think his father ever behaved drunk because his behaviour was always the same "he had never seen his Dad sober" -apparently he drove his car with a can of lager between his knees! He eventually lost his job over his drinking - went into rehab and has built his life up again since, but he is terrified of going back to his old ways. Apparently he even attended his son's wedding (he couldn't get out of going to the reception for this obviously) with the phone no and addresses of a couple of local AA meetings in his pocket incase he was suddenely tempted to drink (approx 12 yrs into his sobriety) and neeed to make a quick exit! As someone said earlier, this isn't really "living" is it and like we were discussing the other day, it sounds like he hasn't made it to the next stage - of enjoying life without AL and finding pleasures in other ways, he is just existing. My friend was horrified that Mr Sausage was drinking alcohol around me when she knows I'm trying to sober, but I am getting used to this now. Alcohol is all around us, even if we dont' keep it in our own home - there are always ways to get it if you want to, and it seems like my friend's father in law is still a "prisoner to alchohol" but in a different way. It is still controlling his life isnt' it? Sorry to go on about this, but I feel it is an important lesson to learn (it has helped me actually)- in that we must find other pleasures, get a life plan together, and it seems he has just been unable to do this.

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

SAUSAGE;541319 wrote: My friend was horrified that Mr Sausage was drinking alcohol around me when she knows I'm trying to sober, but I am getting used to this now. Alcohol is all around us, even if we dont' keep it in our own home - there are always ways to get it if you want to, and it seems like my friend's father in law is still a "prisoner to alchohol" but in a different way. It is still controlling his life isnt' it? Sorry to go on about this, but I feel it is an important lesson to learn (it has helped me actually)- in that we must find other pleasures, get a life plan together, and it seems he has just been unable to do this.

EXACTLY, Sausage! "Prisoner to alcohol" are precisely the words that I have used for many years about my own experience with the stuff. When I have been in the grips of my own pathological drinking, I have always known that I was a prisoner, and I hated it. I ended up leaving in AA, in part, because I began to feel that I had swapped one prison for another (this was something of a distortion in my own thinking, then, but that's how it felt).

Now I know that freedom is in MY OWN MIND, and I have to learn to be vigilant with my mind, with my relationship with alcohol, and with my relationship with and response to the thoughts and emotions that arise in my own mind, about alcohol (and everything else, for that matter... but, especially, alcohol!). If I act like a prisoner, then and only then am I a prisoner. If I choose to be free, and behave as such, then I can have freedom.

My drinking problem manifested in this way: I was behaving like a robot: a certain time of day arrived, certain thoughts and impulses about alcohol arose, and just like a robot, I marched over to a bottle of alcohol and poured it down my throat. Over and over. Hating myself, the whole time, but not taking the steps that must be taken to get some distance from the alcohol, and a sense of perspective about the thoughts and impulses...