30 days and beyond

[Captnjack]

30 days and beyond

My drinking problem manifested in this way: I was behaving like a robot: a certain time of day arrived, certain thoughts and impulses about alcohol arose, and just like a robot, I marched over to a bottle of alcohol and poured it down my throat. Over and over. Hating myself, the whole time, but not taking the steps that must be taken to get some distance from the alcohol

Spot on Wip you just summed up the average joe with a alcohol problem!!! seriously spot on!!!!!! the Buddha thing!!!!!!! been reading the Dharmah bums by Kerouac west meets east thing there is something fake about you just cant put my finger on it

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Hi Cap... how goes it with you?

[Captnjack]

30 days and beyond

You seem so wise how did you allow yourself to slip into addiction...... just wondering

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Not so wise, cap, just been around awhile, and seen a lot. My genetic heritage is very strong on addiction, on both sides... and I grew up in a full-blown alcoholic family, they taught me by example that grown-ups drink, and grown-ups enjoy the cocktail hour more than any other part of their lives. And then I started drinking myself, and loved drinking, beginning in my teens. I drank a huge amount, over the years... hung out with friends who were hard-drinkers and high-achievers, like me. I am quite sure that I took a strong pre-disposition for alcoholism and, basically, ran with it. In some ways I hated drinking, even early on... in other ways, I admired people who drank (writers, artists, trial lawyers, and so forth)... So: probably the same story as many others of us, here. It grabbed hold of me very hard. Had to work very hard to break loose... more than once...

[Beck]

30 days and beyond

Interesting stuff here...

Sausage...bottom line is that you don't have to be that type of non-drinker!

WIP - I hear ya - "took a strong predisposition for alcholism and basically ran with it"

I'm going to share this...just think of it as a "what not to do"

I've been AF for a long time but yesterday I almost wasn't! In hindsight, I did everything WRONG. I completely lost perspective and let some work I had to do make me crazy. I was resentful that I missed a perfectly beautiful day doing course work that I just hate and suck at (it's a finance class and it's required). I missed my 8 year olds soccer game, I let my kids eat take out for dinner, I did not exercise or eat. I was in a foul mood all day and I let my thoughts turn to AL. I considered drinking a viable option...I dwelled on those thoughts instead of letting them go. I was very tempted by a bottle of booze that has been in my basement for a year! (obviously not a favorite or I would have poured it out long ago). And I did tell anyone that I was struggling until after I got a grip.

The only good news is that I did not drink (please don't congratulate me for not poisoning myself!). But it was way too close for comfort and I will be much more careful in the future.

Best,

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Wow, Beck! I am SO glad you made it through that! Yes... "more careful in the future" is the way to go... and, I wonder, could you say more about that? I know that I will have episodes exactly like that, from time to time. What, specifically, can or should we do when we find ourselves considering alcohol "a viable option"?

[Beck]

30 days and beyond

WIP,

For me, I have to take care that I don't get to the place where drinking feels like a viable option. I've become somewhat complacent and need to take action before I let the drinking thoughts take hold. In the future (today, in fact) I'm restoring balance (mixing things I want to do with things I need to do) and putting the most important things first. I tend to lose perspective and make little things big and that's when I get in trouble and my thinking becomes distorted.

When I got to the "viable option" place yesterday it was really tough to shut down. But remembering why I started and where that drink (I think of it as a drunk b/c I never have a drink) will lead brings me back to my senses. And I thought of something I once read "we all have another replapse in us, but we don't know if we have another recovery"

Hope this makes some sense

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

Good explanation Beck ... it is so easy to get into a 'bad' place where drinking is a 'viable option' ... my only concern is that I may let other addictions take the place of alcohol, I don't mean drugs as such but even food or other bad habits .... may become my viable options and then it's trying to 'cure' another habit ... getting into the 'healthy mindset', as we keep saying, is the 'only viable option' ... getting into and 'staying' in that mindset is where most alcoholics or alcohol abusers have problems ....

[KateH1]

30 days and beyond

There is something about the idea that the wise, the fit, the educated, the intelligent, successful, beautiful.....ones do not succumb to the same vulnerablilities as others. In my opinion, this also goes with the other double standard.....men remain good ole boys for drinking...but women are labeled as disgusting drunks.

I know a lot of the above that have serious drinking problems. So often, we find that those that are "driven to succeed" whether it is with education, career, sports or anything else, are really driven from pain, pain deep inside. It is as though, one more achievment might just take that pain away. It never does.......drinking of course does not take that pain away either.

Beck, what you just experienced is a perfect example of no matter how much we might know and understand in our "Heads", this demon, alcohol can "Overide" all of it, at anytime, for any reason, anywhere. It is our only hope that in those weak and vulnerable moments, our deep comittment to remaining sober will keep us from falling victim once again. Good job, Beck!

[peacenik]

30 days and beyond

most of the really hardcore alcoholics that i know (serious decades of intense daily drinking) are super intelligent folks who use al as a medicine to cope with abuse or low self esteem. it's sad really, becasue you just know what they "could have been" as opposed to what they ahve ended up as...sad lonely drunks who talk alot of shit.

i'm feeling a bit cynical today...talked to my daughter's grandmother (her dad's mom) who is one of those people i described...she is so self centered and clueless, it just makes me mad to hear her voice. the last time i visited them, i had been sober for almost 7 months. i had been training to run a 10k where they live so i had an excuse why i wasn't drinking, but somehow i let her berate me into drinking with her becasue i was "boring" when i wasn't drunk (ha, she should talk...it's boring to watch her slur words and try to come up with something to say and repeat evrything 10 times and after hours of that "help her to bed" by practically carrying her down 2 flights of stairs and hoping she doesn't puke all over me) but i digress...

i guess i just needed to vent because she gets mad at me for not allowing my daughter (who is 10) to come out and visit her alone...i mean she wants her to fly out and stay there with 2 severe alcoholics who drink and drive ALL THE TIME for 2 weeks.
this will never happen and i have told her that...my daughter doesn't want to either, but she continues to degrade me about not letting her see her oldest grandkid...she has zero self awareness and zero compassion for anyone else.

ugh...

thanks for the release valve dudes...

peace

[FloridaBoy]

30 days and beyond

Heavenly;537733 wrote: Just a quick note before I rush to pick the kids, I also prefer to say 'I don't drink thanks', when faced with offers ... I have to bite my lip to stop myself expunging the reasons why though !!!
Since I 'came out' as a person who has alcohol problems ("I don't wanna be an alcoholic" - * stamps foot in temper tantrum* LOL ) I have been quietly and persistently passing on the message about excess alcohol consumption.
I am not the type to push it on people so this has been a word here and there, a discussion whenever it is pursued by the person I am conversing with. Hopefully, some of it sinks home.

I don't think any of us should be scared anyore of admitting we have a problem with an addictive substance. We are all special and worth looking after, as soon as we ourselves realise it, the sooner we will find the journey easier (and no I haven't accepted this fully for myself either !).

I just say no thanks, it gets in the way and nothing more..... It is nobodys business to ask you why you do not drink.

[FloridaBoy]

30 days and beyond

retteacher;539328 wrote: Hi Everyone: I just found this thread. I don't stray much from 30 day abs...especially the daily thread. What a wonderful thread this is! I do have over 30 days abs & am working on a lifetime of freedom from AL. I feel like a non-drinker but am counting days, because that is still a big motivator for me.

I came into alcoholism late in life. It was certainly building up throughout my 30's & 40's, because I was always the person who drank more than most. However, in my 50's, I started drinking alone which was my biggest downfall. Drinking was no longer about socializing. It was all about numbing out for some reason or other. I retired from teaching at age 60 in 2005, & that left me w/more time & energy to drink in spite of a full life. I knew I was in trouble when I was drinking a large bottle of wine 3 - 5 times per week (at least). I tried everything I could think of on my own. I was a very secret drinker, so there wasn't anyone who knew for sure how big my problem was. I made up a lot of "rules" about drinking in order to mod.

I found MWO in Apr. 2007 intending to "control" my drinking. It took quite a while to learn that I couldn't moderate my drinking. Either I abstained or I drank to excess. On new year's eve 2008, I said "enough is enough." Dec. 31, 2008 is my sobriety date. I accepted on that day that I absolutely cannot drink like a normal person.
Thank you so much for this thread. I will come back to it often.

Mary

Accepting the fact that you cannot moderate is the biggest hurdle. We want to believe that we can but it is just not going to happen.

[FloridaBoy]

30 days and beyond

A Work in Progress;541541 wrote: Not so wise, cap, just been around awhile, and seen a lot. My genetic heritage is very strong on addiction, on both sides... and I grew up in a full-blown alcoholic family, they taught me by example that grown-ups drink, and grown-ups enjoy the cocktail hour more than any other part of their lives. And then I started drinking myself, and loved drinking, beginning in my teens. I drank a huge amount, over the years... hung out with friends who were hard-drinkers and high-achievers, like me. I am quite sure that I took a strong pre-disposition for alcoholism and, basically, ran with it. In some ways I hated drinking, even early on... in other ways, I admired people who drank (writers, artists, trial lawyers, and so forth)... So: probably the same story as many others of us, here. It grabbed hold of me very hard. Had to work very hard to break loose... more than once...

AL is very socially acceptable and we are constantly exposed to seductive advertising. That makes it tough to realize that *we* are just wired differently and cannot moderate. I believe there are many levels of addiction and it just may be genetic.

[KateH1]

30 days and beyond

Peace, that is so tough......you are being responsible by not allowing your 10 years old daughter to stay alone with two severe alcoholics. Anything could happen to her......not to mention the psychological tole it could take on her. I really feel for you in this circumstance, I cannot tell you the stress and arguments that I used to go through with my mother over this very same issue! I also had to tell my mother that she could not take my kids in her car when she was sober because she would smoke in the car! She would scream at me, because she was not allowed to smoke in my car!

Now that I am older and I have lived through my own time of addiction, I get it. Alcoholics are extrememly self centered. They live in a world of self justification. All of their issues become somone elses fault.

Stay strong......don't let these people get you down!!

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

FloridaBoy;542502 wrote: I just say no thanks, it gets in the way and nothing more..... It is nobodys business to ask you why you do not drink.

Welcome floridaboy, if that works for you great, I can see you are a person who says what he needs to say and no more, but as for me I am a chatty person, and thats not wrong either. Although I do get told to 'shut up' sometimes .... LOL. We are all working this out as best we can.