30 days and beyond

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

Peace you are 100% right not to let her go and especially if she doesnt want to go herself. Stay strong and dont give in to her demands.

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Peace, of course I agree with Kate and Heavenly, and yes it just damned hard to make and stand by the right decisions, when a close family member is so far in the wrong, and so committed to harmful behavior... I grew up in an alcoholic family and faced that stuff all the time, but fortunately not with children involved... It's so painful. Good for you, for being strong, and holding the line.

What a shame it is that, in human life, making the right decision, and doing the right thing, doesn't always feel good... much less, easy. Often, just the opposite. It's going against the flow. Like those salmon, struggling upstream... all our lives!

I am still feeling a bit bruised from the attacks on me yesterday on the "90-day challenge" meditation thread. You just never know around here when someone is going to go off the rails and decide to rip someone else apart. I really hate that... it is so peculiar to online groups... people would never behave that way in person. Well, they would, but that would be... when they are drunk. Picking fights. And we get the double whammy here.... it's an online site, frequently with drunk people, posting...

I keep wondering.... is this necessary for my own ongoing sobriety? I do think that sometimes I have been, and can be helpful to people who are getting started... but at what cost to me? I don't know.

[MissDoodleBug]

30 days and beyond

To WIP *bug hugs*

I have a favorite quote from a little book called Zen of Happiness: "Everything that Happens is the Best Possible Thing That Can Happen."

I had to go check out the meditation thread, which I did not know was here and which I am very interested in the subject! That is a wonderful thread, thank you for sharing and teaching! Maybe others will find it too and it will help their efforts.

What could be less controversial than sitting for 20 minutes in the morning in an attempt to calm ourselves and help us refrain from drinking alcohol and smoking? It does not cost a thing, it takes nothing from others, and it benefits not only ourselves, but Eckhart Tolle would say, the entire world.

I have been in online communities a long time. When someone intrudes in a thread merely to cause dissension and drama, we call that person a "troll." There are many trolls in the world. Don't let them get you down sweetie, you have a lot of love and fans here who really appreciate your teachings!!!

Love and hugs,

Doodlebug

[peacenik]

30 days and beyond

awip, what happened in the 90 day thread ws a lesson in a way like breathing through the knee pain...breathe through it...unless of course it is intolerable. i know what you mean though, i felt attacked myself even though he was targeting you...it felt like a violation of our inner selves, and that is always a painful feeling. we put ourselves out there with good intentions and when someone attacks you (for absolutely NO reason, except his own issues) it does make you feel vulnerable and weirded out about sharing so much. i for one really appreciate your education (book and worldy) and know that most of us are thankful to you for being so open and helpful. you have done so much good here, and i thank you for that! one bad apple and all...let it go, he's just not worth the energy.

peace!

[peacenik]

30 days and beyond

thanks for backing me up guys...i know i made the right decision, it's just so hard with such a sicko trying to tell me otherwise! (as you can relate to!!!) i am ashamed to say that when i drank, i would be wasted right along with her and now i think she resents me trying a different path.

peace and a good day to all...

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Thanks DB, thanks Peace! Absolutely it's a lesson, everyone and everything CAN be a teaching if we let it be... for me, one more lesson in refraining from reactivity, and refraining from taking things personally. I know that folks who behave that way are hurting, maybe scared, and their way of coping is to lash out, which should not be condoned... understood, whenever possible, but not condoned or encouraged.

[peacenik]

30 days and beyond

wise words from a wise woman!

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

WIP I am sorry I missed what happened, but I understand ... it has recently happened to me ...

I am not a Buddhist but have room in my heart and mind to accept others beliefs and teachings. I find your words outstanding as I have said before, I find that what you say benefits anyone of any religion (or aetheist) and if we all followed the peaceful line you promote maybe there would be less fighting online ... now there's a thought ....

Yes, some people get affected by thoughts and emotions when giving up/cutting down on an addictive substance such as alcohol or nicotine etc, I would say ignore it and don't let it affect YOU personally, if the person can't be helped, advised or even just discuss in a civilised manner do not get hurt just try and move on. Don't let it affect your path to sobriety. We also all get on with different people, and cannot be expected to get on with everyone ... so keep on posting ... please.

And finally .... the rambling stops .... you are a better person than that and we appreciate you ...

[KateH1]

30 days and beyond

WIP......what happened yesterday was inexcusable.....very offensive! It was not about a difference of opinion, it was an ongoing attack......"Hatred of the Good for Being the Good"......and I saw through reading through other threads, that the offender was on a rant everywhere. I know that the comments stung a bit.....I was also attacked, but I have been attacked before.......sie la vie!!

I have taken some breaks from here before......at times the effort seems pointless....but, I have come to the conclusion that over all I like it here......I do get a lot out of this site, and I believe that I give a lot as well. There are some here that I choose to ignore.....and many that I enjoy reading and a few....like those in this thread that I truly enjoy! WIP....I too appreciate you, your words of wisdom, your kindness and your strength.....without you, I would feel a huge loss here......

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

I just remembered a Buddhist policeman in the UK that came across me ... rather than me coming across him !!

I was taking my kids to school .. must be 3 years now (since I have been sober nearly 2 years) and as usual I was hungover, basically that alcohol was still circulating somehow in my blood stream, and wham someone rear-ended me ... right in front of police checking another vehicle ....

Well, the kids were in shock (not hurt just more surprised and ... ''oh wow'' kind of shock) .. I was proverially sh*tting myself ... well apparently now the police breathylise the victim and the perpetrator ... just my luck I thought as I tried to protest.

The policeman ( a big burly guy) asked me if I had been drinking ... 64 million dollar question ... did he mean this morning, last night or every day of my life ??
I stuttered out that last night I may have had 'a' bottle of wine (oh dear .... or 2 or 3 or whatever ... ) due to depression and stress and as a policeman he must know how it is .... yeh you heard it right.

Well, the guy was squatting down in the doorway of the passenger side and looked at me, quite ok for a policeman ... (sorry to any police men on here...) and said ''well, I am a Buddhist and we don't let that kind of stress get to us and we avoid depression that way too, so I don't drink.'' He was so calming and lovely and supportive, and I thought 'amazing' I had never met a 'real-life' English buddhist before ... and I was impressed.

Oh yes ..... I passed the breath test ... wasn't drunk driving .... I felt like hell, but at least I was sober and feeling like hell .....

There is a moral to my tale .... and if you find it let me know ..... thanks
Heavenly
After taking my details out it came the dreaded breathyliser and away I puffed ....

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

I just remembered a Buddhist policeman in the UK that came across me ... rather than me coming across him !!

I was taking my kids to school .. must be 3 years now (since I have been sober nearly 2 years) and as usual I was hungover, basically that alcohol was still circulating somehow in my blood stream, and wham someone rear-ended me ... right in front of police checking another vehicle ....

Well, the kids were in shock (not hurt just more surprised and ... ''oh wow'' kind of shock) .. I was proverially sh*tting myself ... well apparently now the police breathylise the victim and the perpetrator ... just my luck I thought as I tried to protest.

The policeman ( a big burly guy) asked me if I had been drinking ... 64 million dollar question ... did he mean this morning, last night or every day of my life ??
I stuttered out that last night I may have had 'a' bottle of wine (oh dear .... or 2 or 3 or whatever ... ) due to depression and stress and as a policeman he must know how it is .... yeh you heard it right.

Well, the guy was squatting down in the doorway of the passenger side and looked at me, quite ok for a policeman ... (sorry to any police men on here...) and said ''well, I am a Buddhist and we don't let that kind of stress get to us and we avoid depression that way too, so I don't drink.'' He was so calming and lovely and supportive, and I thought 'amazing' I had never met a 'real-life' English buddhist before ... and I was impressed.

Oh yes ..... I passed the breath test ... wasn't drunk driving .... I felt like hell, but at least I was sober and feeling like hell .....

There is a moral to my tale .... and if you find it let me know ..... thanks
Heavenly

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

Thanks Kate, Heavenly...

Kate I like it here at MWO too... some of it... The best of this site (these AF threads, and the wonderful people who post here) is really, really good. And... the worst of this site sometimes comes close to canceling out the best parts... at least, for me.

Great story Heavenly! You know, there are quite a lot of Christians who also practice in the Buddhist tradition, and quite a few Jews, as well, who do so. One of my Zen teachers is a cantor in her Jewish congregation; and there are a number of Catholic priests who are also Zen masters... The traditions are actually not incompatible. I usually teach meditation in a wholly secularized fashion, so as to reach the most people; Jon Kabat-Zinn, who created the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program, pioneered this approach; and it has helped many thousands, maybe tens of thousands, of people... Jon is a wonderful man and I am happy to count him as one of my teachers...

[A Work in Progress]

30 days and beyond

one2many;543378 wrote:
I saw the thread and this was most definitely a personal attack for no apparant reason....as you said, the person is most probably hurting and lashing out but by no means should this be excused or allowed.Whatsoever.

Thanks Oney... you know, I am still struggling with this, this morning. I don't think that people always realize how deeply words can hurt others. Verbal attacks are painful, and they cut deeply... even if we know, in our rational minds, that the words are not true! And, when it's an online forum, somehow it is taken less seriously (by others who are not the targets) than when it is face-to-face, and that's unfortunate.

[KateH1]

30 days and beyond

Wise, words, Oney and Heavenly......You know, I have been thinking how, many of us receive a compliment or compliments....that are genuine and from the heart....how long do we hang on to those good feelings??? But, somone, quite out of line....makes a horrible remark or two or three....remarks that we know are unfounded and not really about us......and we hang on to that hurt for days!

You know WIP...I not too long ago I was on the receiving end of a lashing from the same person here...accusations of being "fake"....living a plum life....etc. etc. etc. were hurled at me....both on the board and in emails.....the tone of this persons assaults are always the same....they feel inadedequate, and angry and pick out those they believe to be better off then they are and off they go with the insults. It is as if they believe that somehow there is only one Pie in life, and so many pieces of that pie, and because they have less of the pie....somone else has their share! We know this is not true.......we also know that alcohol fuels this type of thinking!

Namaste! K

[Heavenly]

30 days and beyond

Today I feel good regarding alcohol consumption ... ie. no cravings and no thoughts of imbibing .... just to let you all know ... I think time has helped the more days go by the easier physically ... note I said physically, mentally I will always have the door locked and bolted ... and hope to God I never find the key !!!

Hope everyone is good this evening ...