Online Forums and long term sobriety

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

OK.....so I can see that it is no longer a safe haven, even in Long Term Abs......

Sunshine.....your "assumptions" about my situation prior to coming to MWO are dead wrong! I had no plan, I was a mess and I was drinking to excess on a daily basis. I had, recognised my life as having become unmanagble....even though I was as some might call "A Functioning Alcoholic"...in that I worked every day and appeared to be successful. I was in desparate need of help!

It was through reading RJ's book, and finally making a plan, along with sticking close to some long term, shoot from the hip, honest and caring people here that I was able to finally give up my dreams of being able to take even one drink. Sadly, most of those people that helped me, are no longer here, or post very little. I greatly miss those people here, as this is a life long journey to live life without alcohol.

I know for certain, that when we are in the disease part of our addiction, we want to JUSTIFY our drinking......at ALL COST. We want others to agree that this degree of drinking as appossed to total disaster is Progress.....this allows us to continue to drink! That belief system is rampant here!

I am so sickened and saddened by this crap!

[sunshine_gg]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Kate, please don't take my posts personal (because they're not) or take offense (they're not meant the least bit offensive).

I posted in THIS part of the forum because I want to belong here some day, even though I may not be deserving at this point. I also posted here because I view you a the 'winners' - ask WIP, she'll know what I mean - and fairly intelligent people who have spent a good amount of time contemplating addiction and recovery.

I thought I read that more than one of you 'regulars' here were already AF when joining this site... which means that they had been on their journey for a while already. I'm simply considering that many new members really may be on day one of even admitting that something is amiss and to encourage small successes in the early days. That's all.

And, since I don't even have 30 days under my belt yet, I'll shut up and slink away until I can be considered a Long Term Abstainer Thanks for indulging me thus far, though

.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Sunshine.....you are welcome anywhere here that you choose to post.......since I was attacked again today along with WIP.....I am feeling a bit raw......after reading your post, I wanted to make it clear that I was far from AF when I arrived here.....I was a mess! I had to continue to stumble and fall for a couple of months after joining here........but, the difference with me was....that I never attacked the already sober ones that reached out to me.....I never accused them of being "Harsh"....I never justified my drinking.......

I commend you for reaching out and fighting hard to kick this thing! I enjoy reading about your journey and I believe that I have reached out to support you......why? Because I truly, in my heart and soul, want everyone to beat this Damned addiction!

[Determinatrix]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Heavenly;546584 wrote: I just went and read this thread again https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...y-4-30433.html talk about feeling disheartened ... am off for a couple of hours as this has left me feeling so fed up again, especially posts 38 and 39 ... is it just me ? :upset: I am open to being told I am being a 'big silly' as this is what this thread is for ... thanks ...

As a member that does not have a direct alcohol dependence issue, my opinion is probably insignificant. But here I go:

I went to an interesting lunch with some MWO'ers.
Member A could not drink or they would die, they stated.
Member B moderated, but was not satisfied with their current progress.
Member A felt that Member B did not really have a problem.
Member A felt that if they could handle the alcohol in the way that Member B did, Member A would not feel they have an alcohol-dependence issue.

It's all relative. So if it is up to the sole person only to determine whether they are an 'alcoholic' (or whatever term they choose), then doesn't it come down to the same person determining what their goal is and whether they are making progress or not?

This is a great discussion.

Dx

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Sunshine GG your opinion is welcome here, that's why I wanted to have this thread ... non-threatening for all of us, no attacks but open and honest discussion about how the forum can help us achieve long term sobriety ad if it isn't achieving this then why not? To question our own opinions and behaviours with regards other members.

I started it in abstainers so as not to offend new people, old people, moderators, slip-pers, lapse-rs, in fact just about everyone apart from us longer-termers ....

But I too am 'feeling' the attacks on Kate and WIP, as I mostly have the same opinion as they do I just keep to myself now (and NO I haven't created new member names or whatever .. tired of it all ) ... this is the reason I don't go into general or other places much ....

I want to be sober for the rest of my life ....

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Sorry Determinatrix .... cross posted ...

Our position in general terms (if I may speak for the others) is that:

- if someone's ''goal'' is unhealthy and unsafe we cannot and will not support them.

- if someone posts for help then the advice they get will be mixed, but because someone offers advice
they don't like, then the person should not be attacked for offering that advice.

- We don't actually 'attack'' people because we tell them our opinions we are not attacking them

- we will support anyone and everyone, but not if they say they want to moderate and then in another
thread laughing how they enjoyed being happily drunk instead of nastily drunk ...

- we just want our opinions to be heard too

Thanks for your post I appreciate it ... everyone is welcome ...

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Heavenly, Yes....your post says exactly what my thoughts are on this as well.

I would add just one more thing, in response to DX's post.

Dx..I agree with you, people can choose to drink or not drink. They can call their drinking whatever they choose to call it. But, this is a discussion forum for people that have serious issues with alcohol and addiction. This is not a "Blogging Site", so, people will get differing opinions here. If people want to come here and talk about their drinking....they must believe that something is wrong in this area, otherwise why would they bother to come here? In fact I would take this a step further and say that I find it horribly offensive, when some, who clearly have no intentions of taking their drinking seriously, talk about thier "casual drinking", during sunday games, dinner with friends etc.....or going to the wine store or vineyards and purchasing cases of their "special wine". I ask, how does this help anyone who is struggling with alcohol?

I would not go to a website for women who cannot have children and tell stories of my wonderful children and grandchildren.........as this would be cruel and serve no purpose there.

[Determinatrix]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Kate - I just know there is more than one path.
And I am thrilled for all of you (especially Det) who have found Your Way Out.
I am simply suggesting that others may have Their Way Out.
I don't understand it all, being on the outside.

I know that Det tried Many Ways Out before finding The One Way Out for him.
Everyone's path is different, and I don't understand some of them.
For 10 years of watching Det, I found it's not always meant for me to understand.

Respectfully,
Dx

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

DX....yes, I hear what you are saying....I do not believe that I have ever said there is only one way out. Some choose meds....others supps, there are many paths.....I have supported many, many here that have chosen different paths from my own. For instance..Det..chose antibuse in the beginning....I did not, but I supported him 100% (just an example).

I guess what I am saying is....we make suggestions and comment based on what we know. For others to see that as "harsh" or "tough love" or anything other than what it is, is to me rediculous. Everyone is perfectly free to take what they can use and ignore the rest. But, when I read comments like the one earlier today that said......"Just waking up without bruises is progress"......I just cannot buy that!

The bottom line for me, is this.....if somone is obviously in deep trouble with alcohol and they cry out for help.......I cannot, with a clear concience, recommend that they keep drinking! Or to try drinking just so they don't get bruised, or black out! That is crazy!

But, I also know that no one has to pay any attention to anything that I, or anyone else has to say...I ignore plenty here!!

And..might I say....I am sooooo Happy for Both you and Det...in celebrating his first year of sobriety!!!

[Bonbon]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Now I'm not an abstainer, so I hope I won't get shot down here.

Surely everyone can have their own plans and goals? If someone wants to cut down their intake gradually (just as someone might choose to smoke 19 a day for a week, then 18 a day, etc) then that's up to them? I would think that if someone said 'Usually on a Friday night I finish the bottle - I'm determined I'll only drink half of that next Friday' and then comes in on Saturday and says they've met that goal, that's good, isn't it?

If someone came in here causing trouble and then said 'Oh well it was fine because I didn't drink as much as usual' then obviously that's bad. But if someone had as a goal the gradual reduction of alcohol and stuck to it, that's their way out?

By the way, I've read a lot of the threads over the last couple of months and I can't say I've seen many where people brag about their alcohol intake (in the way someone might brag about a child to a woman who couldn't have children).

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Bonbon;547293 wrote: Now I'm not an abstainer, so I hope I won't get shot down here.

Surely everyone can have their own plans and goals? If someone wants to cut down their intake gradually (just as someone might choose to smoke 19 a day for a week, then 18 a day, etc) then that's up to them? I would think that if someone said 'Usually on a Friday night I finish the bottle - I'm determined I'll only drink half of that next Friday' and then comes in on Saturday and says they've met that goal, that's good, isn't it?

If someone came in here causing trouble and then said 'Oh well it was fine because I didn't drink as much as usual' then obviously that's bad. But if someone had as a goal the gradual reduction of alcohol and stuck to it, that's their way out?

By the way, I've read a lot of the threads over the last couple of months and I can't say I've seen many where people brag about their alcohol intake (in the way someone might brag about a child to a woman who couldn't have children).

So....you chose to post this in Long Term Abs????? Why?? Are you teaching us a valuable lesson??? With only 8 Posts, YOU KNOW the WAY OUT better than anyone else! Have you bothered to read RJ's book yet??? Yes! I am plenty pissed off by all this bullshit!

[Determinatrix]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Kate - Thank you for your support of Det. I know that he cherishes you.

I see nothing wrong with tough love.
I love straightforward, in-yo-face discussions.
But many just can't handle it.

We take what we need and leave the rest behind.
Kinda like life, huh? (wink)

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Thanks, Dx.....Yes, Det and I have definitely been there for each other during our journey!!! I always felt your presence right there next to him.....we have both come such a long way...and I am certain it was because we stuck with the winners and got brutaly honest with ourselves.

This I know for sure, the road to sobriety is not through drinking! There is no room for dishonesty, nor just plain old bullshit on this road.....but.....at the end of the day......there is nothing, absolutely nothing that is better than pushing through it all and living life as a non-drinker!!

Happy Valentines day to you and my "Lil Bro""!:h

[Bonbon]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

KateH1;547314 wrote: So....you chose to post this in Long Term Abs????? Why?? Are you teaching us a valuable lesson??? With only 8 Posts, YOU KNOW the WAY OUT better than anyone else! Have you bothered to read RJ's book yet??? Yes! I am plenty pissed off by all this bullshit!

Kate, I was looking through all the various threads - I didn't realise that people couldn't post unless they belonged to a category.

Actually you know nothing about me and yet you are shouting at me. Why the hostility?

Does the amount of posts made reflect the time taken reading what's been written on the threads? Do you ever think that somone might be nervous about posting? I certainly will be wary about posting again.

Why do you ask 'Have you bothered to read RJ's book yet???' You have no idea whether I have or not. As I've said, you know nothing about me.

I'm really shocked at your response. If I'd known you were going to scream at me, I wouldn't have posted.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

I did not scream.........No worries......I as well as most who post on this thread are leaving....we are tired of being called out....accused of things that are not true and being told what we should do.

Funny.....you did not feel any problem for telling us what we should think and do...no problem at all. I asked if you have read RJ's book......I ask everyone who is new....the same question....

Best of Luck to you on your journey