Online Forums and long term sobriety

[gyco]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

good post,really makes you think,not something we do well when were under the influence,of AL. or DRUGS, IS THERE ANYTHING I MISSED,THAT CAN MAKE ARE JUDGEMENT IMPAIRED,all give a few,could a person with to much intellect impair someone with a lesser intellects judgement,could a vicious dog impair your judgement,i remember reading an article a while ago about monitoring the site,if a post wasn't rt for the spot it was put in it would be removed,then there are also spots i would think, we wouldn't go to when were in total abstinence,just like i don think a person modding would comment on something in a long termers site,that would defeat the cause of the site,another example,i wouldn't go to an AA meeting under the influence,and im insulted if someone did,id walk out,i wouldn't go to online AA and talk about MWO,OTHER THEN TO REMARKTO SOMEONE THERE THAT THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS THEN AA,TAKE THEM TO THE SIDE AND XPLAIN.one of the biggest things in sobriety is tolerance of others no matter how they are.i believe it was heavenly that started this thread,very interesting ty gyco

[hippie37]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

cyclefan I'm curious as to why you 'object' to the phrase "I slipped"?. I've always looked at a slip as maybe not returning to old habits full time as in say a relapse. It kind of gives me a better perspective on whether someone or even I for that matter has either had a one off bad day drinking again or completely gone back to drinking full time again.

I'm purely curious by the way and mean no offence.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

CF, I totally agree with you on the "slip" language. We've had that discussion MANY times on the AF threads. Drinking is always a choice... not an accident, not a "ooops, I slipped!" kinda thing...

Recognizing that drinking (or not) is a decision, and the decision is mine, alone... helps me tremendously. If I think there is something accidental, or outside my control, that "makes" me drink... then I am in serious trouble!

Gyco... accepting people, and helping them, goes hand in hand with asking them to take responsibility... at least that's how I see it...

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

hippie37;544126 wrote: cyclefan I'm curious as to why you 'object' to the phrase "I slipped"?. I've always looked at a slip as maybe not returning to old habits full time as in say a relapse. It kind of gives me a better perspective on whether someone or even I for that matter has either had a one off bad day drinking again or completely gone back to drinking full time again.

I'm purely curious by the way and mean no offence.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

Hippie, we cross-posted. I'm not CF... but one thing I might add to what I just said, about that same issue, is that some use the term "lapse" for drinking episodes that fall short of a "full relapse." It is considered a good way to make the distinction that you are raising.

[cyclefan]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Hi Hippie, a slip implies an accident, as in, "I slipped on that banana peel," and takes the responsibility for taking a drink away from the person. WIP said it better than I did though, I'm just responding since you directed the question at me.

Also, to be fair you are British and my husband is British also. So as a for instance, he uses the word "scheme" as we would use the word "plan." So you may use the word "slip" the way we would use the word "lapse." It's all semantics and this is another reason why discussions like this are so helpful.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

OK...soooo I can't resist this.....many years ago I had a rather humorous college professor....one day we walked in the lecture room and on the blackboard it was written "Humility is a Fleeting thing, just when your think you have it, you've lost it!!".....I have never forgotten that!!

Cylce....I am still chuckling about the banana comment!! ......and I am only taking Advil for my foot! LOL
K

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

I have read through the thread again and I picked up the differences in ''speech'' that many of us have noticed ... Well, I picked it up off posts here !

There are cultural differences on a world - wide forum. I am not talking colour, creed etc ... I am discussing the issue of how each of us has a diffeent understanding of the English language, which is the language of use on this forum and I also realised (about time girl...) that yes, people post on here whose first language isn't English. Maybe, I should show more understanding about people's use of language.

There are colloquialisms (sayings and ideas about life) I use that other people who were born and bred in my own country cannot understand ... what more of people from other countries ?

I also picked up on what Gyco said about intellectualism and does it put people off (I think that was what he meant?) and agree ... I have been in awe of people due to the fact they are really intelligent and does that then make me interact or react differently? ... yes, I think it does.

I like to use emoticons (I am a big kid at heart I know...:H) because with the lack of facial, hand or bodily expressions and posture it is hard to get a point across in a friendly but firm manner and as I mentioned before I am using humour to express myself, whereas I was always an 'angry' person before (I blame the drink !!! LOL) ... so for me the use of emoticons (smiley's) can really help to show if I am joking or sad etc ...

I know at times I have ''slipped'' ... ooopsy (**smile*) ... and used language that is lazy and just let my hands type the first thing my brain came up with ... maybe a few extra minutes thought over my typing a post would be appreciated by everyone else and of course .... don't post when I am aggravated by someone else's post, take a deep breath and re-read it before posting a reply ??

I better get counting to 10 then .... !!!

[hippie37]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Can you count that far heavenly?!!!:H

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

hippie37;544421 wrote: Can you count that far heavenly?!!!:H

:H:H:H:H:H

I made it to 8 once .... !!!!

[sunshine_gg]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

I should just shut up because technically I'm not even a long term abs person yet - but I really enjoy this thread. I think it would be terribly foolish to believe that the words we chose for certain events or activities don't influence our actions or reactions.

It's just... damn... it really SOUNDS so much better to say "I slipped last night" than to say "Dumb ass over here chose to have 15 drinks last night" But maybe that's just me - English not being my first language either

.

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

sunshine_gg;544702 wrote:
It's just... damn... it really SOUNDS so much better to say "I slipped last night" than to say "Dumb ass over here chose to have 15 drinks last night" But maybe that's just me - English not being my first language either

Ha!!! And... that's the whole point, isn't it? Saying "I slipped" takes us off the hook so nicely, doesn't it? Using the language of "I chose" or "I decided" or "I drank" keeps us honest...

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

lLOL...Sunshine!! Actually, I think you just hit the nail on the head. I believe there is a huge opportunity between "coddling" and "chastising"......I think after a night that one has chosen to drink (and yes, I do believe that it is a choice!) a supportive comment might be something like, sorry to hear that you chose to drink.....but, all is not lost, get back on track today and set you goal to not drink again and Mean It! Stick to your plan!

The thing is, that we are in this boat in the first place because we have been full of excuses, lies, and self pity.....while blaiming everything and everyone else for we ourselves pooring alcohol down our own throats. Surely we do not need others to provide us with the same excuses and comfort while we continue along the path of drinking. In my book coddling is enabling and firmness, laced with empathy is the truly compassionate course of action!

First an formost, to truly beat this thing....is take brutal honesty, not coddling!

[Lila]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

hi all
I feel like I am slowly getting back to a healthier place...
What is bothering me is that the same person time and time again has been attacking wip, without any provocation, and there is NO consequence for this person, and no apology, and it just keeps happening...
it bothers me.
Lila

[cyclefan]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

KateH1;544775 wrote:
First an formost, to truly beat this thing....is take brutal honesty, not coddling!

How about compassionate honesty instead of brutal honesty? People do enough beating up of themselves when they drink. I like your phrasing Kate of "sorry to hear that you chose to drink." That really places the responsibility back on the person so much better than "oops, everyone makes mistakes, that's ok, you've been trying so hard," etc.

But again I'll say, there is nobody at the MWO door when people first come in to give guidelines on how to help others UNLESS long time members spend time up in "general" using these kinds of words and phrases and giving advice on how to get the book, how to find the toolbox, how to make a plan, etc. People can't stay out of general because it is too crazy, then complain about the advice that is being given.

Kudos to WIP, really, she is the one who by example taught me the language to use with new people, how to welcome them, how to encourage them to get the book, get a plan, etc. Startingover is another who bravely gets out there everyday. There are a few others, sorry I don't mean to neglect by not mentioning names it is not my intention to leave out people who do good works at MWO on a daily basis.

Thanks again, great thread I'm learning a lot here.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Cycle....by brutal honesty, I did not mean to imply nasty or mean ......I meant "No Excuses"...down to business. And I certainly did not say to lack compassion, in fact, I said compassionate.

I hear what you and others are saying about...."I do enough beating up on myself" etc. but, I ask, how has that worked in the past? It is very short lived. I think that the real danger here, is all of the oops! and I slipped and other labels that make us feel better, simply do not work! In fact....we have seen many here who spend years living in the above excuses and still drinking.

I kind of think of it like the perpetually tardy employee. They desparately need the job, they want the job but they are perpetually late. This person always feels bad when he is tardy.....apologizes and usually offers yet anothe excuse for his tardiness.........but in a short period of time he is yet again Tardy.......and on and on it goes! Should we feel sorry for this person and excuse the behavior because they feel bad already? And if we do so, do you think that they will learn to be on time?