Online Forums and long term sobriety

[Bonbon]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

KateH1;547342 wrote: I did not scream.........No worries......I as well as most who post on this thread are leaving....we are tired of being called out....accused of things that are not true and being told what we should do.

Funny.....you did not feel any problem for telling us what we should think and do...no problem at all. I asked if you have read RJ's book......I ask everyone who is new....the same question....

Best of Luck to you on your journey

I'm sure you know that there are ways of shouting and screaming online and 13 question marks when asking 4 hostile questions is one of them.

You didn't exactly ask me whether I'd read RJ's book - you said, 'Have you bothered to read RJ's book yet???'

All I'd actually said was, 'Surely everyone can have their own plans and goals?' That doesn't amount to telling you what you should think and do. I was offering an opinion as I thought there was something to be debated. I didn't realise this was a debate where everyone had to agree with you.

I wasn't accusing you of things that weren't true - I said I was shocked at your hostility. Can you really deny your post was hostile?

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

If you are not happy on this thread, you have hundreds of others to post on.

This thread is not for attacking people it is for constructive criticism.

Anyone can post here if they can offer advice on using forums for long term sobriety.

The thread's title is ''online forums and long term sobriety''.

I am here and interested in what you would like to tell me about this subject,

have you joined here on mwo before or just reading and learning ... and you did say you are NOT an

abstainer, are you a relative of someone with alcohol problems. Would you be able to tell us about

yourself...

[Bonbon]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Heavenly;547360 wrote:
have you joined here on mwo before or just reading and learning ... and you did say you are NOT an abstainer, are you a relative of someone with alcohol problems. Would you be able to tell us about yourself...

Hi Heavenly - no, I've only ever been here under this name - can't remember when I joined, but it's about two months. I've just been reading the threads because I was becoming concerned that I was drinking too regularly. I don't drink to get drunk, more to relax. I don't drink a lot, but as I tended to have a drink on more evenings than not, I thought I should try to cut down in terms of the number of evenings I drink. If I go out, I drive and don't drink, and that's fine with me. I'm a single mum and spend a lot of evenings alone and tend to have a couple of glasses of wine. My first goal was to cut out one night a week and I've done that. Now I'm onto cutting out two nights a week.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Bonbon....I guess my question would be, if you have been here for a while......why wouldn't you want to discuss your veiws on Modding...in the Mods forum? It sounds like you are already modding pretty well.....and that is great! But, we discsuss AF on these threads......thus the name.

I apologize if I seemed harsh....perhaps you received frustration I was feeling from all the garbage going on in general today. This has been a long tough week for me...Tons of work pressure, a broken big toe and I have a horrible head cold......not my usual self for sure. If I offended you, I apologize. I choose to come to Long Term Abs to post because we are usually here with others who feel more comfortable discussing abstinence.

[KateH1]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

In all fairness....what happened to Bonbon??? I guess her mission was accomplished.....she killed a wonderful thread! Personally, I think that bonbon is really Betty Boop!! Once again we have been duped!

[Bonbon]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

KateH1;547496 wrote: In all fairness....what happened to Bonbon??? I guess her mission was accomplished.....she killed a wonderful thread! Personally, I think that bonbon is really Betty Boop!! Once again we have been duped!

What happened to me is that I live in the UK and went to bed! Why do you say you've been duped?

Anyway, Kate, apologies if I disturbed your thread - I didn't realise there was a strict demarcation and I won't post on this again.

[bloggy]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

BonBon- I don't know why all this went on, I should probably not be posting here as I am not Long Term Abs (?) but I just want to say Welcome, and please feel free to join us on the army thread where everybody is welcome.

[MissDoodleBug]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

One problem with these forums is that they are throwing together cats and dogs on the same boards. Truly, it is like putting vegans and meat eaters together on a forum, just not going to work without some definite boundaries...

Abstainers do not think moderation is in any way advisable or workable, and modders desperately want to be able to moderate their drinking, two diametrically opposed and volatile viewpoints.

To be fair, the MWO book was primarily written for people who want to moderate their drinking. I tried it, it did not work and finally realized I had to abstain. Other people have to make that realization on their own. That's why we have separate sections on the forums.

If you know that the moderation talk in the beginner and mod sections ticks you off, why go there? Of course the modders will be offended and attack you if you tell them their dream of modding is wrong, this is somethring they will have to realize on their own. In my humble opinion, modders are just at an earlier point on the journey, before they realize they need to abstain; but I am not going to tell them they are wrong.

For abstainers, I'd suggest staying away from things that upset you and staying away from the modder areas. Focus your attention on the abstainer threads and help the abstainers.

Just my two coppers!

Love,

Doodlebug

AF since December 14, 2008
SF since July, 2007

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

DB, that was a nice post. Thank you. My point of view is just a little different.

First, please note that not all committed AF people believe that it is impossible for a person with an alcohol problem (even one that seems quite serious) to learn to control their drinking. Some folks here on MWO have done beautifully with doing exactly that (and research shows that many others who are in no program at all do that, as well, on their own). People who can do that, and have done that, are quite impressive and they have my total respect!

For me, the "cats" and "dogs" issue is not so much between people working on AF plans vs. people working on moderate consumptions plans... as it is between those who take their alcohol problem very seriously, and develop solid plans to remedy it by changing their thinking, their emotional responses, and their behavior... as contrasted with those who have a more casual (and passive) approach that seems to be saying: "Oh, well! Darn! I seem to have slipped up again! Hope that doesn't happen again!"

p.s., Bonbon, I sent you a PM... and, please come on back any time (if you want to)...

[Sunbeam]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Yay, WIP is back!

[startingover]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Yes it certainly is!

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Can't stand sitting on my hands forever, y'all... carefully, cautiously, tip-toeing into the water...

[Heavenly]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

I tried to post on here and the ohter thread but I think God was putting a stop to it because I wasn't so impressed with the way the thread is taking another form as in other sections ... no doubt I a going to be told off ... fine ...

I posted in mods and was asked - with others - to post away freely but please not discuss abstention on the mods section, which I agreed with and respected ... so as I mentioned before, this section and these threads are ALL about abstaining not modding or drinking ...

I am happy to sit and talk to ANYONE about abstaining but not if i am going to be told that I am excluding people or if this abstaining thread isn't even safe anymore, I have taken all day to feel reasonably ok to post.

I am so please for anyone who can moderate, please go and read ALL my posts I don't know how many times I have said i am happy for those who want to moderate alcohol consumption - it's bloody great in fact, but not for people to say that it's ok to moderate with one bottle of gin a night instead of 2 ... that's my point.

Oh what's the point ...

[boozehag]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Heavenly
I doubt anyone has ever said moderating involves drinking one bottle of gin rather than two. I think the confusion lies in the fact that newbies often talk about wanting to moderate as they cant bear or cope with the idea of never drinking again. Thats is why many alcoholics use the ODAT philosophy as sometimes it is not helpful to think of the big picture. As DB says wanting to moderate is probably just a normal part of the journey and many find that they cannot or dont even want to moderate once they get underway with their recovery. I think that mindset of many desiring "moderation" at the outset is human nature and is totally different to the MWO concept of drinking moderately which generally involves people having significant amounts of AF time and who find that are able to be mostly AF if they wanted to but are able to chose (like RJ) to keep AL in their lives on a very low acceptable non harmful level. So lets not get our knickers in a knot about the differences and just live and let live. There is lots to be learned for all of us from each other's journey and that is the marvel of this place.
BH

[Determinatrix]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Boozehag - Nice post. I know Det tried to find A Way Out by moderation as he just could not bear the thought of life with no alcohol. He tried and tried to mod with very spotty success. At some point he decided it wasn't working and began abstinence, and mourned the passing of his long lost friend AL. But those journeys brought him to his current path and now he is one year sober. Those journeys taught him what he needed to be here now. Everyone has their own path.

Heavenly - I'm sorry this thread took a direction that has made you not feel well. I don't understand how other members can state that certain things are not to be discussed in certain areas. There is no way to control that. Members can choose not to respond to certain posts that they feel have hijacked the thread, just as they can choose to ignore the threads that are instigating. I'm glad you are beginning to feel better.

Dx