Online Forums and long term sobriety

[A Work in Progress]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Good post, BH (No More!). It took me a long, long time to become convinced I couldn't control my drinking. It's a shame that there doesn't seem to be any short-cut except the dreadful trial and error approach that has caused so much pain, to so many.

One thing going on right now on MWO that I think is VERY helpful... at least, for those who go there... is that there are specific threads with people who are working serious plans to pursue AF goals, and to pursue moderate drinking goals. So much better than just flailing around, trying to re-invent the wheel... which most of us have done, over and over again! And often with not very wonderful results.

[boozehag]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

Hi WIP
Yep I agree I too see a lot of dedicated AF'ers and modders each working their own program right now and in my opinion there is very little difference between them as in each case the general idea is that AL is relegated to a non event in the persons life. If that can happen by modding great and if it happens by being AF also great. In my opinion it doesnt really matter how it happens as long as it does. From what I have seen modders are sensitive to AF'ers position (not mentioning drinking in AF threads but on the flip side I think AF'ers can tend to over react to the modding concept (which is in fact the basis for the MWO program) and think it is just an excuse to drink when it is not. Anway this thread wasnt even about that so sorry for waffling and hugs to all!
BH

[YoungAtHeart]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

I think that there are many things on this thread that are really useful to think about, yet there are a few things that I do take exception to.

When people do ask for advice on threads, I think that it is fine to give them advice, including the tough love approach. However, I have seen people confronted who weren't asking for advice, who were feeling good about their progress on their terms. I understand your frustration with people who seem okay with their "slips", but many hide their sense of shame well with glibness. I know because I am (or have been??) one of them.

Some people do well with tough love and some people don't. I am one of the latter, and yet, I am here, with 20 months of sobriety, and I hope I never have to start over. I came here desperate, and of course, I wanted to mod at first, and it took at least a year for me to realize that I couldn't. It took another year and a half to actually get sober and have it stick. I was "confronted" during that time by another member about not being serious, and fortunately, other members did come forward to support me, because they had seen me make progress from where I had started. At least by then, I was stringing AF days together instead of just talking about it. If it hadn't been for those people, I might have left MWO, and I shudder to think of where I would be now. I was serious about Abs, but that seriousness was countered by sheer terror. It was hard to talk about all of that here. I talked about it with my therapist mostly, and even that was hard.

At that point in time, I rarely went out of Monthly Abs, because I didn't want to read about moderation or even people's issues in Just Starting Out and General. When I did stop drinking, I didn't venture out of Monthly Abs for at least 6 months.

I, too, can recognize the people who aren't serious, and it makes me very sad. They have a ways to go before they (hopefully) realize the commitment to Abs they are going to have to make and the work they will have to do. Some of them won't make it, and some will.

There are many good things on this thread that will help me to better address people who have lapsed. I have worried that in being supportive, I may slip into being an enabler, and I don't want to do that. At the same time, I have to admit that I do find the tone of some of the tough love posts to be rather attacking.

It is safe here in long term abs, unless it is not safe to have differences of opinion. I imagine that people will disagree with me and have something to say about it. This is quite a challenging and thought provoking thread, though, and it has been great to read it.

[FloridaBoy]

Online Forums and long term sobriety

boozehag;548558 wrote: Hi WIP
Yep I agree I too see a lot of dedicated AF'ers and modders each working their own program right now and in my opinion there is very little difference between them as in each case the general idea is that AL is relegated to a non event in the persons life. If that can happen by modding great and if it happens by being AF also great. In my opinion it doesnt really matter how it happens as long as it does. From what I have seen modders are sensitive to AF'ers position (not mentioning drinking in AF threads but on the flip side I think AF'ers can tend to over react to the modding concept (which is in fact the basis for the MWO program) and think it is just an excuse to drink when it is not. Anway this thread wasnt even about that so sorry for waffling and hugs to all!
BH

I agree. I cannot moderate...it just won't work for me. However, I am happy for those that can and I am O.K. with not being able to. Sometimes 'tough love' is right..sometimes it is not. On the net it is impossible to be right 100%. I do think it is best to avoid threads and or posts that get out of control because it is AL talking.