Success stories: How did you do it?

[Kimberley]

For people who have managed to abstain long-term, how did you stop the relapses? What made the 'last time' really the last time? What do you do to stay on track? I really need some help - I don't want to drink again, but have had several relapses and I am now lacking faith in myself :upset:.

[Heavenly]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Kimberley;681800 wrote: For people who have managed to abstain long-term, how did you stop the relapses? What made the 'last time' really the last time? What do you do to stay on track? I really need some help - I don't want to drink again, but have had several relapses and I am now lacking faith in myself :upset:.

Hi Kimberley,


Good question and it shows you want to stop. :goodjob:

First let me tell you that it isn't easy. In the beginning it is damn hard in fact. You have to WANT it SO bad .... and I did. I was a nasty drunk and wanted my family to have better. I had tried to cut down (ha-what a joke) I tried to have alcohol free days ( the only way this happened was when I was so hungover I couldn't drink that day ! YUK)

The first few days were agony - in fact the first few weeks ... but I had decided to join the 30 day thread (anonymously at first and then with a diff. user name) and that kept me going ... everyone else was doing it and so was I ....

I never noticed that some people fell off, I just was concentrating so hard on my own sobriety I kept going I had to reach 30 days and that was all I knew. I bet myself I could do it. I promised myself a drink at the end .... weird. A moderate drink !!

I went cold turkey (oh yes I was a ''heavy'' evening time drinker .... you are in UK so you know that 3litres and more of Diamond white cider (7.5%) is strong - every night ....

When I was somewhere along that line I posted that what if at 30 days I wanted to moderate but didn't, I went back to old habits and RJ and some of the others said it was a problem some people experienced and maybe I should abstain for a bit longer if I was scared.

I decided if I could do 30 days (and bear in mind for the 20 -odd years before that I never went a single day without a drink (- with the only exception being when I was pregnant) .... I could do 60 days and then 90 days and then still with the feeling of wanting to get drunk in mind (3 months down the line) ..... I knew 100% I was an alcoholic .... and I shouldn't drink again.

It is mind - set that does it. Makes you able to stop.

In my own belief no matter how many drugs, hypnotherapy cd's, forums you post on or acupuncture or whatever you do or take, it will never work unless YOU want it to.

The supplements and cd's and the rest will HELP you along. Use them to ease the withdrawals. But you could do everything (and some people on here have - and are still drinking) ..... and not give up.

Ask yourself if YOU are ready to go through the withdrawals, the misery of not having a drink, the headaches and all the nasty parts to reach the ''golden land''.

It won't be easy but you CAN do it.
The relapses have knocked your confidence that's all, that's what alcohol does. Please don't 'give up' giving up alcohol ....

When you have reached there it is fantastic, a whole new life, a new beginning and better health - physically and mentally ....

There are still cravings - I have it even now but they aren't as strong as 6 months ago, and those cravings weren't as strong as 18 months ago ...

I wish you well on YOUR journey to a truly new life ...

You may pm me for more support if you like, I am here for anyone that needs info on cold turkey or long term abstenance ....

Forgot to say I am 2 years and 3 months and 3 days sober.

[Kimberley]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Thanks Heavenly - wow that's amazing. I have a feeling that if I can get 6 months sober under my belt or something then it'll all be a lot easier. But it's just stringing those days together without sabotaging myself.

I do need to learn to forgive myself, or I don't think I'll ever be free of it. I hope I can be as determined as you this final time. I have good things in my life - alcohol isn't one of them.

[Doggygirl]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Kimberly, great question and Heavenly, awesome post!

I agree with Heavenly that you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. And even wanting sobriety badly, it took me some time to get it figured out. When I first came here in July 2007 I knew deep down I could NOT drink, but I think the lure of the hope of moderation hooked me. After 60 days AF in '07, I tried to drink and oh boy what a disaster that turned out to be. I.Can't.Drink.Period. It took me about 8 months of struggling - mostly drinking with a few AF days scattered in between - to firmly get back on the wagon 5/22/08.

The supplements and exercise and diet recommendations helped me a lot. For a drinker like me, where drinking was just what I did nearly all day long every day, the life style had to radically change. So exercise and activity, activity, activity were key. I also have the hypno CD's and used those some as backup.

Posting here at MWO was key. I found I had to stick to areas of the forum where the topic is mostly about staying sober, and where the peeps are serious about it. I found what I needed for forum / posting support in the Monthly Abstinence Section. I actively posted then, and still do now on the Daily Abs Thread and also the monthly Abercisers thread for exercise support.

Shortly before the 9 month sober mark I started going to AA. I always thought AA was not for me even though I had never given it a try. I am still going and I feel I am benefiting greatly from sharing face to face with people who have the same exact problem and challenges that I do. (like we do here - just stepping it up a notch being in the same room). I'm also enjoying the step work as I am uncovering a spiritual side of myself that I'm enjoying, and also beginning to understand some aspects of my personality that can use a little "growing up." So for me (but I can see how it's not for everyone!) it's been a positive addition to my sobriety program.

You can read more about my journey here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...ere-13043.html (WARNING: It's long so pack a lunch and a big glass of water. I recommend saving it so you have something to occupy yourself with during a HUGE craving!)

If I can, you can.

Strength and hope to you.

DG

[Heavenly]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Kimberley;682333 wrote: Thanks Heavenly - wow that's amazing. I have a feeling that if I can get 6 months sober under my belt or something then it'll all be a lot easier. But it's just stringing those days together without sabotaging myself.

I do need to learn to forgive myself, or I don't think I'll ever be free of it. I hope I can be as determined as you this final time. I have good things in my life - alcohol isn't one of them.

Ah Kimberley, you will make it. I can tell from your positive attitude you are going to make it soon....oh and don't put your goals as long term to begin with, take it dayby day and week by week until the weeks become months and before you know it you are 6 months, then 12 months etc xx

Doggygirl, thanks and well done to you too .... that is very positive to hear .... we should see more of you on long termers (we're in here for life ... LOL) ..... xx

[mario]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Hi kimberley, As a person who is just over 6 mths alcohol free i can see in you a lot of things that i felt when i knew i had had enough,Taking a risk can be scary whether the risk involves a new relationship,asking for a raise,being honest or changing a behavior,its still pretty hard to do.we have to learn to think differently we have to reeducate our minds,we have to take a long view of drinking instead of a short view,we have to look through the night before to the morning after,although we used to think alcohol helped us,the time came when it turned against us,we dont know when this happened we just know it did,many of us believed that all our problems are someone else,s fault,this is not true,You have to be absolutely honest with yourself and face yourself as you really are.This community is a big part of staying sober and you will always be taking something good out of it,There are lots of great people here with different stories of how we got here,but we are here and all willing to help each other,so jump on board kimberley and :welcome:

[tlrgs]

Success stories: How did you do it?

well my story is a really long and strange one .. all i can say is that i lost everyone and everything .. and the day i try to kiill myself it didnt work .. you can say that night was my awaking where i saw what everyone was trying to tell me what i was and what i was doing to myself and to them .. so from that day forward i made my own way out of the hell .. my thinking was diferent and i wanted to live .. so i came to the understanding that i was the only one that can really help me .. so i left fl for three weeks and started my mission.. so i help someone else that need help my mom .. and that part is a story in its self .. buti went to FEW AA meeting AND READ THE 12 AND 12 it was everything i was already doing myself.. and but i did learn alot from going to the meeting .. today understand what will and can happen if i lose this battle ..this is where i am commit to what you want in life and you can and will get some of your life back .. and the rest will follow .. come to the understanding .. that life its self will have its ups and downs and its all in the way you want to handle them ..

[Heavenly]

Success stories: How did you do it?

tlrgs;683351 wrote: today understand what will and can happen if i lose this battle ..this is where i am commit to what you want in life and you can and will get some of your life back .. and the rest will follow .. come to the understanding .. that life its self will have its ups and downs and its all in the way you want to handle them ..

Exactly !

It's still ''you'' the person when it boils down to it ... alcohol doesn't make you cope with life it makes you hide under a ''fug'' - a blanket that deafens you to your family and friends and blinds you to what you are doing to yourself and others ....

[propartychief]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Paying the Price !!

Wow the post are truly inspiring! This has finally cost me every that I wanted most out of life! I just recived my final divorce papers this week. I was married to a beautiful, loving,and intellgent woman for 14 years. We have 2 great girls and my stepson,who I have been the only father he has ever known. I have tried to quit many times over the last 10 years. I came here a couple of years ago. I thought I was at the bottom then but not evan close! She stood by me for all these years and I still am in love with her! But the drinking always wins. I REALLY do want to quit but I am in such an emotinal hole I can't evan see it from here right now!!!!

Bob :upset:

[momof3]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Wow, This is a great thread and useful for those who are looking for "their way out."

I would echo everything that has been said so far.

I would also add that it is very important to start setting some goals and making some changes in your life. This was pivotal for me and I found myself "white knuckling it" until I did. You can't stop drinking and keep your life the way it was because old patterns, habits, and ways of being will pull you back in. Start exercising, take a course, join a support group, do community service, take up a hobby or sport that you have never done before, change your eating habits, join a church, go to AA meetings....whatever you feel attracted to doing. Improving the quality of your life in any way will deepen your sobriety beyond merely putting in the days of being AF.

I would also recommend staying away from people and places where alcohol is the central activity until you are comfortable being around alcohol. It took me about 6 months before I was at ease in this area and did not find it a struggle or have cravings but everyone differs. I can be around folks now who are having a glass or two of wine, etc. before dinner but I would still not be comfortable attending a cocktail party. If I thought it was necessary, I would plan on attending an hour at the most and have a clear exit strategy. Planning and anticipation are important.

M3

[tylyr]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Wonderful posts - I haven't read these before. I too am struggling. Tried and tried. Not a terribly heavy drinker, at least not by some standards! but enough, too much. I need to stop. It;s the cravings and the 'just one' scenario, or 'I haven't had one for a few days/ etc etc. Tylyr

[Mags]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Hi Kimberly

Good thread. I used to post all the time on long term abs, but have not posted her recently. That's too bad, because I always thought this was my real home here at MWO.

I was the worst drunk you could ever imagine, but I have been sober about five years now. That doesn't mean I am still not an alcoholic. It means I am in control for now - hopefully forever.

How did I get sober? Because, to be honest, I scared the shit out of myself. First of all, I am a fairly successful professional person with a good job. When I showed up at work drunk as a skunk and they were going to fire me, that was a big wake up call. I managed to keep my job if I agreed to keep sober. I couldn't afford to lose my job and realized how stupid it was to go to work drunk in the morning. Lesson number one.

[Mags]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Hi Kimberly

Good thread. I used to post all the time on long term abs, but have not posted her recently. That's too bad, because I always thought this was my real home here at MWO.

I was the worst drunk you could ever imagine, but I have been sober about five years now. That doesn't mean I am still not an alcoholic. It means I am in control for now - hopefully forever.

How did I get sober? Because, to be honest, I scared the shit out of myself. First of all, I am a fairly successful professional person with a good job. When I showed up at work drunk as a skunk and they were going to fire me, that was a big wake up call. I managed to keep my job if I agreed to keep sober. I couldn't afford to lose my job and realized how stupid it was to go to work drunk in the morning. Lesson number one.

Then I realized how totally physically sick I was. I was a total wreck. I lost so much weight, looked like a skeleton, couldn't eat a thing because I would just throw it up. I didn't just throw up in the morning, I threw up and had diarrhea all day long. Tough way to live. My hands shook all the time so when I went to the grocery store, even sober and tried to sign the credit card receipt, I couldn't sign it. My heart raced all the time and I had psychotic dreams. I was like this for months.

So it was stay like this and get worse and die, or go sober. I had children who I loved and who needed me. I really didn't want to die yet. It was clearly a fork in the road for me.

I was mandated by work to go to AA which didn't help me at all. But I did go into therapy which helped me greatly. I just stopped. I had no choice. No choice at all. I knew that. It wasn't easy, but the alternative was so much worse. I kept thinking about what would happen if I kept drinking.

About a year or so into my abstinence I found MWO. What a huge difference it has made in my life. I don't think I could have remained sober for this long without it.

Kimberley, there is no easy way to say this, but it does take some guts and some painful moments. There is no magic bullet. But you do have to keep your eye on the prize. God forbid that you end up where I was once. You can do this. If I can, anyone can. Believe that.

Don't go where I went. Stop before you go so low. You can do this.

Much love to you.

[july232007]

Success stories: How did you do it?

Kimberly,

Good thread and some thoughtful words from many well versed in this better life. Part of your question was: How did I know that this time it truly was the time that I would quit for good? My answer: the only way I could know was to try to quit with 100% effort. And, to admit to myself that I had to try my hardest and even then failure was a possibility. So, when I started w/ a 30 day AF goal and then AF for life, my touch stone was always: is this my hardest? Am I trying my best. At every point I felt vulnerable I found strength by how I answered that question. I am not a tough person typically, but in this area I simply tried to live by this test. Is this my best? I did not want to fail and I managed to meet my first goal of 30 days AF and I have been living goal two--AF for life--for a little more than 2 years.

You can do this if you will yourself to do it. Hard? yes. Failure? always lurking. Success? there for the taking.

I wish you well.

July

[Mags]

Success stories: How did you do it?

BTW, I love you July