Once a drunk, Always a drunk

[Mags]

I have been sober for five years now. It seems that nobody believes an alcoholic when they say they are sober. Even after five years of good hard sober work.

I admit that I went to work drunk one day five years ago. And I got caught. And I should have. I had no business trying to do what I was supposed to be doing. I could have gotten fired, but with the help of my union, I was retained with the agreement that I wouldn't drink anymore. They never helped me. They just dumped me into some AA meetings which were useless.

But I went sober after that and have been ever since. I still am. But what bothers me is they still think I am a drunk. I know I am not. They just try to use it as a weapon against me.

You must first of all understand that there is a huge difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. An alcoholic is one who has a psychological or more often a physiological disorder that makes it extremely difficult (almost impossible) for them to live without alcohol. Many alcoholics live with this disorder without drinking or with moderation and control. Being a drunk is very different. Being a drunk means you have totally lost control and should not even drive a car.

Unfortunately, my higher ups at work know that I am an alcoholoic, but cannot distinguish that from a drunk. I hate to use that word, since it characterizes me and so many in so many stages of transformation. But I use it for the sake of clarity only.

Anyhow, I have been trying to play a low role. But in my position, that is hard to do.

So, about last year, they held me hostage in their office and accused me of drinking (which I did not do)

I don't really care about myself. I am so worried about these young students and others on this website who will be falsely accused also.

[mario]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

yes mags you are pure right,most people would not know the difference between a drunk,an alcoholic or a person who likes to have a few,In a lot of people eyes a drunk is a happy,sloppy,awfull singer,type of person,an alcoholic is a person they see lying on the street,begging,dirty.battered up.A person who like a few is a great person all round:but:likes to have his/her few pts,always.An alcoholic still carries a lot of stigma here and people are very surprised if i tell them i am one.until alcohol is treated as a disease and is treated as such its just another cross we have to carry.odaat.

[Marshy]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Hi Mags,

It sounds as though you're in permanent conflict with your employer and it's causing you distress. Whatever the history and the ins and outs of the situation now, wouldn't it be better to find a different job? If something that happened five years ago is still worrying you, why not make a fresh start elsewhere?

[JackieClaire]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Oh Mags,
I know what you mean. I had to 'resign' from my last job 7 years ago.
I'm now back looking for a job. I can just imagine the interview.
So Mrs JC. It say's here that you're a drunk.
Do I have to ramble on about the huge difference about an alcoholic and a drunk. Or slink back into obscurity.
Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[Wally22]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Oh Mags, that is just awful. Anyone who knows you, knows what a wonderful person you are, and that is such an awful cross to bear. And I can imagine in your work community that would follow you from one job to another. That is soooooo stupid. The world needs to be educated about this disease so that no one is put through what you are going through. We need more people like Betty Ford and Mary Tyler Moore and Dr. Wayne Dwyer to stand up and say I have a disease and I am dealing with it and I can still live a meaningful life and make a contribution to society. Don't castigate me. :l

[Guitarista]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Hiya Mags.
Geez, can't you remove yourself from those people? Spending everyday with them, working at whatever craft you work at, must be draining. Could you go bush, and be a hermit of sort's, and work from home? I would remove myself from that situation, even if it meant not working for awhile, if you can? Hang the expense!
Best wishes to you, and i hope you grab the bull by the horns and fix this. Their behaviour is not on! It is disrespectful, and abusive..........
Take care.....x

[greeneyes]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

5 years Mags, wow. Your story makes me think of The Scarlet Letter.

[gyco]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

hi mags,do i say quit feeling sorry for yourself, ??? been there done it,i talked to a very important person to me.the other day,he has a lot of challenges,he takes care of his aged father in law,at times, takes care of his loving wife,she s diabetic,he also takes care of his sister at times who has been crippled for life,these people didnt bring on there illnesses,and he also talks to me,his bro,alcoholism,obviously youve done a great job,5 years,who cares what they think,i didnt put this to offend,great job gyco youve made my day

[j-vo]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Mags,
This is very unfortunate and sad. Is there a way that you can move to a new job? I know so many of us are locked into our jobs as I am. Then again, so many of us are lucky to have a job. People are so damn cruel and ignorant of alcoholism, and I think it's going to be a long time before this disease becomes known for what it really is. I hope things change for the better, Mags.

[Mags]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Thanks to all of you.

This thread is not about me. I kept my job. It pays well, I like my work, and they can't fire me as long as I am sober, which I am. I'll put up with the rest of it, because jobs like mine don't grow on trees by any means. They can't touch me as long as I am sober.

This thread is about all of us. For those of us who are alcoholics but have gone sober, life can be difficult. Often other people know us from our past life and call us drunks. They don't understand that this is a disease and we have been fighting it tooth and nail for many years and we never wanted to drink to excess. And they don't understand that it is a disease that we can eventually learn to control with lots of hard work and some pain and guts. They don't know how hard that can be. But we can and we often do that.

They just still think of us as drunks. People out of control. It is hard to shake that stigma at times. And even when you tell someone you are an alcoholic, you never know what the reaction will be.

I was in a bar in Greenwich Village (NYC) last weekend with my husband and sons because they all wanted a beer. It was very hot and we had been walking for a long time. I ordered a tonic with lime and for some reason I told the bartender I'm an alcoholic and can't drink. She was so nice and smiled at me and said she wouldn't charge me for it, and she didn't.

I wish the world was like that bartender. I just wish I could say to people I am an alcoholic the way people can say I am a diabetic or I have kidney problems. But if I say I'm an alcoholic, they think I'm a drunk, even though I am sober. Probably more sober than they are.

I am an alcoholic, but I am not a drunk. I will always be an alcoholic, but I haven't been a drunk for many years.

Sorry, maybe just venting here.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Hi Mags.

I absolutely `feel` what you`re saying, but we`re having to deal with `tiny` minds in the kind of situation to which you refer........the minds of those who refuse to alter their opinion of us when we become sober. Incidentally, I give not a flying fuck for such tiny minds. (I`m actually laughing at the very idea of them right now.......yes........I am :H [see!!! :H])

There are those who will never ever afford us alcoholics the merest hint of credibility or respectability, regardless of how long any of us have remained sober. Tiny minds will never alter their "once a drunk, always a drunk" theory, but please..........don`t be too harsh on them.........they sadly lack intelligence!!!!! :H

With much love from one alcoholic non-drunk to another. :l

Star x

[aliame]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Wow Star, great post. TY
Pip

[Heavenly]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Ah Mags, it's not easy ... but I don't know if a drunk and an alcoholic are two different things, more one and the same thing and as you said at different transitions and stages we are all and nothing but the same ....

I am an alcoholic who used to 'be' drunk, on a nightly basis.
I am an alcoholic who no longer drinks alcohol.
I am therefore sober, dry, untainted by alcohol .... hm.

If people can cope with their jobs after being found out to be drinking on duty or an alcoholic I give them all kudos and respect.
I couldn't.
I know my own attitudes and thought processes towards others with failings.
I don't blame them for having fear.
I also don't think it is always a personal thing.

Most of us when drunk think that others cannot tell we have been drinking ... ha !
So most times I went to work hungover, most likely everyone could smell it coming out of my pores. my hungover breath etc
I would imagine that other staff know when a colleague has been drinking and the respect diminishes without us even realising ....

[KateH1]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

Hi Mags,
I just came across this thread. I too am an alcoholic and I no longer drink. I have been living sober for nearly two years now, and I an so grateful to have found my way out! It does take some people a while to learn to trust and yes, to respect somone who used to be a drunk. Let's face it, part of the profile of a drunk is lying, mood swings, unreliability, etc. etc. etc. It takes good long while to rebuild trust that is broken. Many of those in my life, do trust and respect me again, but it does take a while. Others perhaps will never trust me again. The only thing that I can do is to continue to live my life without alcohol. I cannot dwell on the thoughts and labels that others choose to live by. At the same time, being angry with them accomplishes nothing positive. Sometimes we just have to let things go!

Here's the thing, as with any disease or disorder, it takes work to get well again. It is never easy. So often we alcoholics who are still drunks think that going AF for a while, is the cure. Or, taking meds is an easy way out. There is no easy way out. It takes hard work and diligence! We have to completely redo our thought process and the way that we live. Just as much as we have to stop pooring the poisen down our thoats, we must also transform who we are. Not easy, but it can be done and the outcome is so worthwhile.

As for the sceptics, and those that must use their "Labels".....let them. Some people will not change their point of view. It is just who they are. But we do not have to "Own Their Labels". Healthy self esteem is critical to health and well being and that comes from within ourselves. You should care about yourself, Mags. You should feel proud of your accomplishemnts and the huge accomplishment of living sober for 5 years! The label of "drunk", no longer fits!

[CS04]

Once a drunk, Always a drunk

God, Mags, that is awful. I did not read the thread in detail. But that is why I do not want to go to our EAP (which, as adjunct faculty, I may not even be eligible for) or university counseling center, for fear that info would get out. Not even about AL, but grief and financial counseling.