Standing up for ourselves

[mario]

We may sometimes feel like the victims of others. They ignore us,take us for granted,mistreat us,and always expect us to be there to help them. They forget our birthdays,our plans,and to phone us when they are going to be late.
How can they do this to us ? The answer is they cant..... at least without our cooperation. if we feel someone is treating us like a doormat, there can only be one answer; to get up of the floor.
Standing up for ourselves may be a new expeirence for many of us. With practice,we can learn to say no, to refuse to take on others problems, to begin taking care of ourselves. We can stop being conspirators in our own abuse......Stand up for yourself and stop being a victim.

[one2many]

Standing up for ourselves

This so hits home for me Mario...LOVE IT!! Thank you so very much for posting!

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Standing up for ourselves

Good post Mario. Nobody should ever allow themselves to be a victim. We are all born equal and should always treat each other with respect. Utopian idea maybe but I strive to live my life in this way.

[Going Strong]

Standing up for ourselves

Thanks

Mario,

Thanks so much for this......it is exactly what I needed to hear!

It is a hard habit to change specially because we feel we deserve it for drinking.

But I am going to change!

Take Care

Shas

[dancelot]

Standing up for ourselves

Great post and great advice as always, Mario.

It's a great feeling being clear headed enough to know the difference between being treated like a jerk because I treated someone that way first, or when they are actually over the line. The really great part is being able to respond without losing it, and standing up for myself without jumping down their throat. Gets such a different result.

Staying sober and standing up for ourselves is a wonderful feeling!

[Sunbeam]

Standing up for ourselves

I am so tired of my brother calling to say he is coming for a few days, then he doesn't show up on the day he said. Sometimes he calls the next day, "I'm coming today instead". My siblings are always welcome at my home, but next year, I will tell him that the house will be open, food in the fridge, but I may not be home and there will not be a meal ready. I will no longer re-arrange my life for those who expect me to always take care of things.

Do you think you hit a sore point here?

[Muddle]

Standing up for ourselves

Wonderful timing, Mario. I was just having a little pity party yesterday because I feel like I am last place in everyone's life, but ready to jump through hoops for them. I woke up this morning and decided not to be the silent victim, and then here was your post!

[bear73]

Standing up for ourselves

wow - that's great - really hitting a nerve wth me at the moment.
Some of my relationships are definitely shifting, soem are becoming closer and I can see that some will need to be different or slip away.
day 31 alcohol and smoke free

[Mags]

Standing up for ourselves

Some very interesting and somewhat complex ideas here, Mario. As a college professor, I always deconstruct and reconstruct. As an alcoholic, I always say bless you for all your input on Long Term Abs.

We may sometimes feel like the victims of others. They ignore us,take us for granted,mistreat us,and always expect us to be there to help them. They forget our birthdays,our plans,and to phone us when they are going to be late.

With all due respect, Mario, I think this is either perception or maybe we deserve this at times for being nasty people for being drunks for so many years.

How can they do this to us ? The answer is they cant..... at least without our cooperation. if we feel someone is treating us like a doormat, there can only be one answer; to get up of the floor.
Standing up for ourselves may be a new expeirence for many of us.

I so wish this was true in reality. But I have to tell you that in reality, once your employer or anyone else has pegged you as an alcoholic, you are screwed big time. I have been sober for 5 1/2 years and trying to stop the abuse only gets me more abuse. I don't want to go into all the details. I think I may have described them in other places here. All I can say is stay sober and keep your mouth shut. You have no idea. By all means, try not to let your employer know. I have a lot of good friends here on MWO for many years. I am not the only one who has had problems. Anyone who is thinking about going into an EAP program, talk to me first. PM me.

With practice,we can learn to say no, to refuse to take on others problems, to begin taking care of ourselves. We can stop being conspirators in our own abuse......Stand up for yourself and stop being a victim.

I totally agree. Wise words. Stop being a victim. But we are number one victims of ourselves. I think you just said that. We don't have to say no to the problems of others. We have to say no to alcohol. Alcohol is saying no to our own problems. So refusing alcohol is saying yes to taking on our own problems. Once you do that, you got no time for others.

[clare]

Standing up for ourselves

great timing helped me this morning.

[KateH1]

Standing up for ourselves

Mario, This is a great topic!
Here are my thoughts on the topic. When we are drinking, we are in our own self absorbed world. Drinking takes up our entire life. It is a world of self pity, depression and guilt. In order to maintain our drinking lives and our "right to drink" we become defensive and put blame on others for "not understanding our disease". As if they can do something about it! We set up an environment of distrust, because, lets face it, alcoholics lie on a regular basis!

We often go to work seriously hung over or still drunk, and think that no one knows! We claim to have a headache or a flu bug, and a slew of other excuses for how we look and perform. No matter how good we might be at our job, it is impossible to do the job for which we are paid under these conditions. Not to mention the liability that we become!

Then, we see the light, and we fight our way through becoming sober! This is quite an accomplishment. We are proud of oursleves, and perhaps deservedly so. But, here is where the real work begins. Do we change our personality from self centered, unreliable and dishonest to upstanding person and citizen over night? Do we change it at all? Do we work as hard at "Emotional Intelligence" as we do at sobriety? Do we give those around us the time to observe the emergence of the new and improved version of ourselves? Are we consistent in our new behaviors?

I do not believe that the non-drinking alcoholic deserves to be ignored or mistreated due to past deeds and actions. The very idea that we would deserve unending punishment for our misdeeds and behavior of the past, is absurd! What purpose would that serve? And, if we believe that we deserve to be punished and ignored, then that is probably exactly how we will be treated. We do, to a certain extent, show others how to treat us!

The work environment is more complicated. Most employers do not want to have to spend the time and energy to deal with "personal issues" of those under their supervision. As one who has up to 200 employees under my supervision, I can honestly say that I expected those that reported to me, to come to work ready and able to do their job. I had no tolerance for anyone under the effects of alcohol or drugs. The liability was too great on so many levels. This might sound harsh to some, but, it is reality. An employer or supervisor simply does not have the time, nor the resources to deal with addiction and personal issues of employees on a regular and ongoing basis. With this in mind, we need to think of how we move forward when our addiction enters the work place. It is very complicated.

But, I do know, that if we not only stay alcohol free, but, we also change our former behavior and forgive ourselves and continue to move forward. Life in sobriety can really be rewarding, fulfilling and happy!