Why I want to let go of moderation

[prancy]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Let's face it. Normal drinkers don't moderate. They have a couple of drinks and they are done because that is all they want. They don't sit there counting their drinks, obsessing about more, wishing someone would order/open another bottle. IMO, moderating is mostly white knuckling it, in order to not have to give it up entirely. In my case, there is always another binge in the near future. And I can tell myself--and I do--that others drink more, that I am drinking less than I used to, or that I am glad I was drinking for this part or that occasion because it was really fun or whatever. But I know exactly what is happening. I may be fooling others, but I am not fooling myself. Or maybe I am fooling myself but I am not fooling others! Either way, I know where I am going to end up. What an amazing amount of wasted energy.

[Doggygirl]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Epic post Prancy. Long before I could see this truth in myself, my husband was watching me go down in flames. That was very hard for him. I think we always fool ourselves for at least some stretch of time. Whether or not we are fooling others I guess depends on them and on our circumstances. Getting honest with ourselves is the hardest part - at least it was for me. The TRUTH just as you described it in your post. That's is me too.

And you are so right that normies don't even think about all that stuff.

DG

[daisy45]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Hello, I haven't posted in 6 months. Went alcohol free 3 October to 25 December. Since then convinced myself I was OK! NOT! Tonight on last drink. AGAIN! I mean it! I think my mistake has been not reading MWO daily! I need to get more involved. Ready and waiting for any response. I could not have done the first 3 months without reading your posts. Time to be part of your community! I want a happy, sober life! I got a taste of it and was the best time of my life. Feel free to say whatever. I am a single mum of 4 great teenagers. H...E....L...P!!!!!!!

[daisy45]

Why I want to let go of moderation

:new:

daisy45;1102364 wrote: Hello, I haven't posted in 6 months. Went alcohol free for 3 months until 25 December. Since then convinced myself I was OK! NOT! Had a drink last night. On day One today! AGAIN! I mean it! I think my mistake has been not reading MWO daily! I need to get more involved. Ready and waiting for any response. I could not have done the first 3 months without reading your posts. Time to be part of your community! I want a happy, sober life! I got a taste of it and was the best time of my life. Feel free to say whatever. H...E....L...P!!!!!!!

[Cinders]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Daisy,

:welcome:

You tasted freedom for a bit and are now enslaved again.

Dip your toe into the water and realize it is warm. (a sticky thread and it is a good one.)

Hang in there, do whatever it takes.

You can do this again and make it a lifetime process.

Cindi

[mario]

Why I want to let go of moderation

daisy45;1102587 wrote: :new:

Daisy45 You need to post in the general forum as most people go there, of you go and will see you there :goodjob:

[daisy45]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Thanks Cinders and Mario. Can relate to a lot on here. Mario not sure what you mean. thought it was ok to post here. Will definitely check out other forums though.

[mario]

Why I want to let go of moderation

daisy45;1102674 wrote: Thanks Cinders and Mario. Can relate to a lot on here. Mario not sure what you mean. thought it was ok to post here. Will definitely check out other forums though.

Yep its fine to post here but unfortunally not many people look in here The general forum you will get a much faster reponce and help, But you can post anywhere.:goodjob:

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Hi SarahSmiles,

What an inspiring post! I am just in the beginning (again) of a goal of 30 days AF. I am on to day 3 and doing well. I was sober a good part of this year but relapsed in the early Spring. I am also on the north shore of Boston by the way and how I could have made it through our winter to only start drinking when the weather finally got nice is beyond me, but anyway, I did. But I am planning to stay sober for good. Your post really hit home and I never thought about all the "energy" and time thinking about when or if I will ever drink again. If I simply abstain, this is not a decision I have to give any time to as it is already made. Case closed! I really enjoyed reading your post, thank you for sharing!

[Daya]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Yep, that's me

Sarasmiles. You have written everything I feel. I quite for a short while, after a horrendous time, and then decided to moderate.. I have been fairly successful, but have reached tge derision it's harder than just not drinking.

Thanks for this thread, I really needed it tonight. and congradulations on your decision)

Sarasmiles;722225 wrote: There's been a little talk on the AF daily thread about fleeting thoughts of wanting to try to drink moderately. It got me thinking.

I am feeling quite good today, on day 18. I feel as though something has clicked, and I am beginning to really feel that I want alcohol out of my life for good. I do still have those fleeting thoughts of wanting to try to drink moderately again. But I have been dismissing them, by thinking rational thoughts, like:

I've tried to moderate for years, and although sometimes I can do it successfully, it is a struggle. Life is easier without that struggle. I don't want the question of "when can I drink again?" to take up mental and emotional space in my life.

Even when I've "succeeded" at drinking in moderation for relatively long stretches of time, I have inevitably had slips. Those slips have led to 1. falling down drunk in front of my child 2. picking fights with my husband 3. calling people and forgetting the next day what I said on the phone. 4.Waking up anxious and scared, and wondering how bad I was the night before.

Even when I drink moderately, alcohol effects my moods, my sleep, my energy level, my outlook and my self-esteem in negative ways. I am prone to depression and anxiety. We all know that alcohol makes those things worse.

I am a mother. Childhood is short. I don't want to miss anything.

I've been lucky that my drinking has never led to anyone being physically hurt. It could. If I never drink again, I will never have to live with the horror of that.

Even though I am not certain that my drinking problem would inevitably progress (because over the last 20 years it has ebbed and flowed, risen and fallen so many times, without getting "progressively worse") I am not willing to take the chance that it could get significantly worse, and that then I might do real damage to myself or someone else.

I love my kids more than I love getting buzzed. I'm a better mother when I don't drink. Sometimes I've thought that I was more patient or more fun with my children when I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. I don't believe that anymore. I may have felt better. But I was a little too silly, a little disinhibited. And sometimes I'd snap. I'd snap with irritation, and then wonder if it was because of the alcohol, and feel guilty. Now, sober, if I snap, I can figure out whether or not to feel guilty on the basis of what's happened, and not automatically feel guilty, seeing myself as a drunk.

Sometimes I want to drink to better tolerate the things that annoy me about my husband. I've decided I want to learn other ways to handle that...To talk to him, or take a break from him, or talk to a friend, or come here...Not to blunt and blur my feelings with two or three glasses of wine.

Some people seem to drink in a way that's "normal" and not unhealthy. They drink to enhance a meal or a moment, and not to run away from reality. I'm not one of those people. I have always been someone who drank away tension, anxiety or sadness. I have come to believe that someone like me, who has used alcohol that way for so many years, just isn't a good candidate for moderate, or "social" drinking.

I never want to go through the first week of sobriety again. I hated the moodiness, the cravings, the feeling of being at a loss. It went away, and I don't want it back.

I am happier now than I remember being for a long, long time. And it's only been 18 days alcohol free! I'm ready to break the cycle, of trying moderation again, over-doing it just enough to get depressed and anxious, and then drinking more to try and escape those feelings.

I think I'm done.

[Prairie Fairy]

Why I want to let go of moderation

Bump - there is a debate on this topic in the Just Starting out section started by LolaB as a direct result of the number of newbies trying to mod with what turns out to be limited success. Those who are further along - who have been there, done that and bought the proverbial shirt - please weigh in over there. Your experiences are needed. Please come share. You could make a real difference to people who need you. Thank you.

[Wildflowers]

Why I want to let go of moderation

:hxo:l

[Sunbeam]

Why I want to let go of moderation

I think this is a great place for a piece of my story, I was a friend of Sara's in the LT mod section. I was pretty successful drinking moderately for four years, though like many others, I regularly went over the limits I had set. I never went back to where I was before quitting and finding this site, but my consumption did edge up very gradually. So now, I am grateful to be done. I feel very strong in this position. I am leaning heavily on my faith, which has been part of my entire life. Also, the support and information here is beyond description, once I focus on a goal.

[lifechange]

Why I want to let go of moderation

i love this thread. such a great reminder for me and for others trying to remember why they decided not to mod anymore. thanks sara!!

[mollyka]

Why I want to let go of moderation

This thread resonated with me a lot - particularly Sara's post as quoted by Daya a few posts back.
I often think 'moderation' is truly misunderstood by newbies. True moderation should be drinking within safe health limits, as a general rule of thumb (in my country anyway) that would be 14 units per week for a woman and 21 for a man, and not taken in more than 6 units at one time. Imo, 'emotional moderation' would be drinking in that fashion happily and contentedly.
Then we move on to 'harm reduction'. This seems to be a 'free for all' mentality as in 'I'm drinking much less than I used to - so that's reducing the harm'??
My own experience with moderation was thus - for maybe 2-3 months I absolutely drank in a 'normal' fashion. As I hadn't had alcohol for quite some time before my experiment, 2-3 glasses of wine would go straight to my head - hence I got the buzz on relatively little booze - and as I was so used to not drinking at all, having periods of a week or two between drinking was truly easy. After that period of time my tolerance increased somewhat - but still NOTHING like I had been drinking back in the day - probably a bottle of wine a couple of times a week - ok - still fine on paper - however, around this period I began obsessing a little bit about when I would next drink and would the bottle of wine be 'enough' - maybe have a crafty 'extra' glass beforehand or a vodka and whatever on the sly - that's when alarm bells should have rung - and they did - but I ignored them.
I decided that I would do a 30 day stint October last year just to get myself back to where I should be -- 2nd week in Oct. I decided to 'just have a few' with my husband - and yep, it was just a few --- but what part of me couldn't see that I COULDN'T do 30 days handy enough??
My ultimate 'rock bottom' occurred last christmas - and that involved less than a bottle of wine - it was the 'emotional sobriety' that was gone - physically I was as fit as a fiddle - but my head was all over the gaff.
So - yes - technically I moderated - technically it was extremely successful - underneath I was a car wreck.
I will nor will never want to 'moderate' - I think that one glass of wine would be my passport to that horrible place again.
Molly