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Why I want to let go of moderation

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    #91
    Why I want to let go of moderation

    Loving this thread. I think we learn so much by sharing our thoughts on moderating-- our wishes that we could, and then our examination of the reality. For instance, drinking 1-2 beers never made me feel great. I'd be angry that I couldn't have more. That I'd have to watch it, cut myself off, pretend I was okay with that. Alcohol reminds me of the terrible times I never want to go back to. And as Sara said, someone prone to anxiety and depression just...maybe shouldn't drink socially. I'm learning that it's NOT a big deal, and it's NOTHING to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Life is just...easier, without that constant struggle, and the constant reminders that yeah, we have a drinking problem.

    Loving this board, and I'm almost at 30 days!

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      #92
      Why I want to let go of moderation

      BakerExtraordinaire;1352487 wrote: Loving this thread. I think we learn so much by sharing our thoughts on moderating-- our wishes that we could, and then our examination of the reality. For instance, drinking 1-2 beers never made me feel great. I'd be angry that I couldn't have more. That I'd have to watch it, cut myself off, pretend I was okay with that. Alcohol reminds me of the terrible times I never want to go back to. And as Sara said, someone prone to anxiety and depression just...maybe shouldn't drink socially. I'm learning that it's NOT a big deal, and it's NOTHING to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Life is just...easier, without that constant struggle, and the constant reminders that yeah, we have a drinking problem.

      Loving this board, and I'm almost at 30 days!
      Well done on the almost 30 days BakerEx!!! Yeah - the 'one or two' conundrum!! Never appealed to me even in my 'normal' drinking days. A big breakthrough for me actually along the way --- I used to envy peeps sitting outside pubs on a lovely sunny day sipping their wine/beer -- but when you face the reality of that - they prolly will just have one or two - the 'normies' that is. When I realised that what they were doing held no attraction for me - I would want to get 'beautifully' trollied sitting out in the sun - I just stopped envying them - end of! 'Twould be like me envying a rocket scientist their job!! Simple - but effective
      Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
      contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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        #93
        Why I want to let go of moderation

        Molly, I'm with you: don't have any desire to drink any more. The last bottle of wine I had tasted like vinegar and burned in my stomach. Maybe I could handle a glass with Christmas dinner, but I have no desire to take that risk, it might just start my roller coaster again. I am DONE!

        Baker, I will reach day 30 tomorrow. It is a good feeling, but it has been much easier than the other times I had tried unsuccessfully to do 30 days AF. If one is going to drink again, there is really nothing magic about 30 days, though I think it is valuable to get a perspective on life.
        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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          #94
          Why I want to let go of moderation

          I think it's so important to recognize that the decision to stop drinking entirely, At least for an addicted drinker, Is a difficult one and one that requires more self-honesty than we even know we need. I *thought* I was being honest with myself in the beginning, But I can see now that I held something back - something for alcohol. For many of us, It takes lots of bumps in the road before we are finally ready fully and completely accept the truth - that we cannot ever drink safely...ever. A bitter pill for me, that one. BUT...looking back, I am just grateful that I finally saw the truth, the full truth and nothing but the truth, 100%.


          Well done baker on your nearly 30 days,Its great being alcohol free.












          Posted before on MWO and taken from my files.


          :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

          Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
          I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

          This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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            #95
            Why I want to let go of moderation

            As an unsuccessful modder, it truly is easier not to drink than to limit it. A little bit about me, I quit drinking for 5 years and started back thinking I could mod, I did succeed for approx 1 year. Then stressful things started happening in my life and whamo back to drinking worse than I did when I first quit. I have been trying to quit for four years now and I truly believe I am finally in the right frame of mind to succeed again.

            Sobriety is freeing, anxiety free, wonderful and I am looking forward to those feelings again. I did it once I will do it now.

            Moderation for me is a waste, I don't drink one, I drink to get buzzed which then leads to drunken blackouts. Had my last one July 14th and I mean last one.

            SOBRIETY ROCKS!!!!!
            new beginnings July 16, 2012

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              #96
              Why I want to let go of moderation

              I have come to the point now that I feel I could successfully moderate if I wanted to. The thing is, I don't really see the purpose. I have learned that I love being sober, and I never really cared for the taste of alcohol anyway. I just have no inclination to drink again. So why would I even try? You can't beat being sober!

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                #97
                Why I want to let go of moderation

                No buzz in the world is as good as the feeling of being free from Alcohol. I don't have a drinking problem because I don't drink....B
                All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                Tool Box
                Newbie's Nest

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                  #98
                  Why I want to let go of moderation

                  Sarasmiles,
                  How are you doing?
                  I just found the thread, and I want to comment.

                  Comment

                    #99
                    Why I want to let go of moderation

                    mario;1352569 wrote: I think it's so important to recognize that the decision to stop drinking entirely, At least for an addicted drinker, Is a difficult one and one that requires more self-honesty than we even know we need. I *thought* I was being honest with myself in the beginning, But I can see now that I held something back - something for alcohol. For many of us, It takes lots of bumps in the road before we are finally ready fully and completely accept the truth - that we cannot ever drink safely...ever. A bitter pill for me, that one. BUT...looking back, I am just grateful that I finally saw the truth, the full truth and nothing but the truth, 100%.
                    Thank you Mario, wise words. I had not got my head around this at all I realise. A lot of great posts here about moderation. Time to make some important decisions this end, well actually just the one!
                    You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                    :lilangel:

                    Comment

                      #100
                      Why I want to let go of moderation

                      BicycleSurfer, SaraSmiles posted not too long ago in the mods section.
                      My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                      Comment

                        #101
                        Why I want to let go of moderation

                        Im back at day 1 again.

                        Don't have much time to post today.. But the alcohol beast is getting a grip again.
                        Drank too much wine last night, rang a bussiness collegue.. Hazy memory of what I said. Think he knew I was drunk... This could cost me a contract we have....
                        Hubby is drinking like a maniac all the time, we are on the verge of bankruptcy, so I'm drinking to "deal" with that.
                        Not very smart, as when I don't drink I deal with it soo much better...

                        Comment

                          #102
                          Why I want to let go of moderation

                          Hi Daya!
                          I'm glad you're back, but sorry for the troubles you're going through. You should head over to the Newbies Nest for lots of support and ideas. Stick around!
                          K9
                          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                          Comment

                            #103
                            Why I want to let go of moderation

                            It's been so long since I posted at MWO, I didn't know where to go. So I came back here to a thread I started a few years ago, and reminded myself of the thoughts I was having then. They haven't changed much.

                            I quit for a stretch. Drank again. Quit again. Drank again. Quit again. Drank again....and on and on and on. Right now I feel as though I haven't really progressed at all in managing or overcoming this problem, and I need to reconnect.

                            Sobriety/abstinence is clearly what is best for me. But as frustrating and crazy as it is, I seem to forget that sometimes. To me it feels like alcohol is an abusive lover. I know I've read that idea on this site before. It is as if alcohol is someone I once adored. He made me feel comfortable and confident and attractive and relaxed and easy-going. With him by my side I became more outgoing; funnier and friendlier and much more sociable. But then the time came when he started to beat me up now and then. He made me feel ashamed and low. He'd keep me hanging on with promises to treat me better next time. He'd hold out the offer of a cheery mood - of taking my troubles away for a night. Then he'd punch me in the stomach and tell me I was a failure and yet I'd never be able to live without him.

                            He is so seductive. He tells me I can't really be happy without him. I can't really relax. I'll enjoy life more if he's a part of it. And somehow, sometimes, I believe him. I feel almost thrilled to have him back! We're together again! How could I ever have let him go? Why did I think he was bad for me? He's wonderful!

                            That's where I was just a few days ago. I had organized a big surprise party for my husband's 50th birthday. I told myself I could drink. It would make it more fun. I'd get over the nerves I feel when I entertain. I'd let my old lover back in, to hold my hand at the party. My husband wouldn't even mind. He thinks I'm delightful when I drink, as long as it's kept under control. Well, I guess in some dysfunctional way I kept it "under control". According to my husband I didn't do or say anything awful. I didn't fall down. But there isn't really much I remember about the evening. So I am ashamed. Instead of being able to think: "Wow. Great party. I pulled it off!" I have to think, "what did I say? what was I like? I don't really remember!" It is time lost. An opportunity to create a happy memory for myself, and I forfeited it.

                            I want to leave the abusive cad that is alcohol again. He always hurts me in the end. I can't stand to try and "moderate", but it is incredibly hard to say goodbye.
                            "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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                              #104
                              Why I want to let go of moderation

                              I was actually just thinking of you today - and here you are

                              Glad to hear you are OK & rethinking things too. Moderation is too much work for most of us, never worked for me in the past. When I found MWO I finally realized what I had to do & just quit. It was the best decision for me, sounds like it is for you as well.

                              Jump on the daily & monthly abstinence threads - I'll keep an eye out for you

                              All the best!
                              Lav
                              AF since 03/26/09
                              NF since 05/19/09
                              Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                              Comment

                                #105
                                Why I want to let go of moderation

                                Thanks Lavande! I'm glad to see you're still here and doing well!
                                "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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