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Why I want to let go of moderation

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    #31
    Why I want to let go of moderation

    Sara, you are wise beyond your time in sobriety! Congratulations for not giving in. If you are anything like me when it comes to AL, then one drink surely leads down the ugly path - and fast. It is hard at first. It gets easier with time, but I know I will forever have to be on my guard for the random "now I'm fixed and can have just one..." thinking.

    Mr Doggy is a complete "normie" when it comes to AL. I've taken some time over the last year to really observe how he is with AL. RJ makes a comment in her book to the effect that if AL is no more / less important than butter, you can handle it moderately. Well, in Mr. Doggy's case, if given the option of keeping butter or beer in his life, he would keep the butter-thank-you-very-much. And yet he is not a complete non-drinker. He has a beer or sometimes two (or sometimes zero) after dog training and at holiday parties - stuff like that. I have NEVER had that kind of relationship with AL- not even when I first drank as a teen.

    So - looking really hard at these facts, I can never change and morph into a moderate drinker. I guess the analogy is this. We start out as cucumbers. With the addition of AL, some of us become pickles. Once a pickle, I can never be a cucumber again. (and on a good day I'm a sweet pickle. On a bad day, a dill pickle. When I'm scatter brained I'm pickle relish...)

    Sara, I like the way you think. That's a huge part of this battle IMO.

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

    One day at a time.

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      #32
      Why I want to let go of moderation

      Sara,

      Because if one strong drink eased my tension and lifted my mood, it would reinforce for me that idea that drinking is an option for doing that. As long as I see it as an option, I truly believe I will use and abuse it as an option. I've done that for over 20 years! Why would it be any different this time?
      I believe that quote is the crux of the matter for us.

      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

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        #33
        Why I want to let go of moderation

        Sara, I think you hit the nail on the head! As long as alcohol is thought of as an option or a solution, even a temporary one, we will continue to experience lapses. We have to retrain our thinking process to accept that alcohol is neither an option nor a solution.

        This brings up another strong belief of mine. As long time drinkers, we have used alcohol to mask our feelings. We simply do not want to feel uncomfortable, unfortunately, many of us have never learned the skills to push through anxiety, sleeplessness, sadness etc etc. We must develop those skills and accept that sometimes, we will feel uncomfortable and anxious. We have to accepte that sometimes we need to just push through these times without opting for the quick fix. The quick fix that always comes back and bites us in the arse!

        Wishing everyone a good day!
        Kate
        A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

        AF 12/6/2007

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          #34
          Why I want to let go of moderation

          Cinders;732086 wrote: Sara,



          I believe that quote is the crux of the matter for us.

          Cindi
          Bingo
          sigpic
          Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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            #35
            Why I want to let go of moderation

            I really felt ashamed as I read back over this thread tonight...Ashamed but also inspired. I have had a rough month emotionally. I went off of Prozac, which has been hard for me. My moods have been more difficult...Depression, boredom, irritability, anxiety, have all led me to want to drink. I can't say I "slipped". I made a conscious decision to drink on several evenings. It hasn't been disastrous...Tonight was my worst night, having 4 glasses of wine. But I feel sad. I want the clarity I had just a few weeks ago. That's why I revisited this thread. How does one hang on to that clarity, when moods are bleak and days are hard?
            "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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              #36
              Why I want to let go of moderation

              I think you go back over what you have written and try to recapture that feeling you had when you wrote it. It's hard to remember after a few weeks what it felt like when we were drinking and easy to slip back into old routines. Thankfully you have caught it before it is getting out of hand.
              Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
              If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
              November 2, 2012

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                #37
                Why I want to let go of moderation

                Sara,
                I'm wondering how you are doing today. Many AF people quit many times, each attempt (usually) a little longer time. But the days continue to add up, and it will be easier for you than drinking in moderation has been.
                My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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                  #38
                  Why I want to let go of moderation

                  Sunbeam;741810 wrote: Sara, I'm wondering how you are doing today. Many AF people quit many times, each attempt (usually) a little longer time. But the days continue to add up, and it will be easier for you than drinking in moderation has been.
                  so you dont follow your own rules ? Arent you moderating Sunbeam ?
                  ?We are one another's angels?
                  Sober since 29/04/2007

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                    #39
                    Why I want to let go of moderation

                    Better today...I didn't even want a drink tonight. I had a wonderful walk in the woods with my dog today, in the cool autumn air, with the sun shining warm. I felt lucky. I am lucky. Now I'm listening to my children giggle as their dad reads to them upstairs. I'm sitting by a roaring fire, with our just-carved pumpkins glowing nearby. I had some bad mood feelings this afternoon...Nearly took my husband's head off when he failed to ask me how my day was...But he was forgiving (and apologetic, too) and all is well now.

                    Heavenly, I think Sunbeam follows her own moderation rules for herself, but only meant that based on what she know of me                    , abstinence will ultimately be easier for me. Maybe so.
                    "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

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                      #40
                      Why I want to let go of moderation

                      Sara :l xo beth
                      vegan zombies want your grains

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                        #41
                        Why I want to let go of moderation

                        Sarasmiles;741842 wrote:

                        Heavenly, I think Sunbeam follows her own moderation rules for herself, but only meant that based on what she know of me, abstinence will ultimately be easier for me. Maybe so.

                        Sorry Sarasmiles to put this on your thread ... it was about something else .... Sunbeam told me that I have to tell everyone that I                         am af when I                         post on another thread (especially in mods sections) .... she has not told everyone here she is a moderator and how THAT affects HER reply to you ...... I did suspect it was a personal attack before ... unfortunately this proves it .....
                        ?We are one another's angels?
                        Sober since 29/04/2007

                        Comment

                          #42
                          Why I want to let go of moderation

                          Sara,
                          Yes, I think AF will be easier for you. You just sound so much happier when you are AF.
                          My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                          Comment

                            #43
                            Why I want to let go of moderation

                            Sara, i work up again today after another failed attempt of moderating. I am afraid of cutting alcohol out of my life, because many of my family drink socially. And i dont want them to feel bad. Huh!! I am sick of feeling bad everytime i overindulge. I heard a voice in my head, this morning saying stop using your family as an excuse to drink, and start looking after yourself and your body. STOP worrying about everybody else and start worrying about your self, it said. I am tired of the struggle of trying to moderate. I gave up drinking for a month 6 weeks ago. I felt like this burden was lifted from my shoulders of trying to moderate. It is scary but I want to do it for good. Reading posts like yours encourage me, thanks. People do it! We can do it!!

                            Comment

                              #44
                              Why I want to let go of moderation

                              Sara, i work up again today after another failed attempt of moderating. I am afraid of cutting alcohol out of my life, because many of my family drink socially. And i dont want them to feel bad. Huh!! I am sick of feeling bad everytime i overindulge. I heard a voice in my head, this morning saying stop using your family as an excuse to drink, and start looking after yourself and your body. STOP worrying about everybody else and start worrying about your self, it said. I am tired of the struggle of trying to moderate. I gave up drinking for a month 6 weeks ago. I felt like this burden was lifted from my shoulders of trying to moderate. It is scary but I want to do it for good. Reading posts like yours encourage me, thanks. People do it! We can do it!!

                              Comment

                                #45
                                Why I want to let go of moderation

                                Hi Sara,
                                Having had more than a month AF, I came into this w/ the intention that I might try to moderate. I am pretty confident I have changed my mind and I agree whole heartedly w/ everything you said. The "happy" mood al creates is false. We can have that without drinking. It's just that our judgement gets clouded by all those silly laugh alongs we have had with al. I don't think I will miss being just a "part" of a person the next day.

                                So keep it going. I only know one thing. It is to much work to think about how much moderation is without stepping over the line. If I don't have one, I don't have to worry about how many more is to many. Keeping it simple. Now feeling the bumps in the road instead of making believe they are not there. I'm happy that you are making this decision.
                                AF since 2/4/10
                                Nicotine free since 3/31/10
                                FINALLY FREE

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