Four years ago today was my first day without alcohol.
Today is a day that seems more important than my birthday.. more important than Christmas. It is absolutely the most important day of my life. Oddly enough though there is probably only one person in the world that understands the importance of this day for me, but I thought that there may be people here who may understand today for me too and so I have returned for today.
Just like last year I've spent a while looking at some posts here. Lots of new faces and some familiar ones too. Many stories many lives. A lot of unhappiness here. (I am not pointing the finger.. I'm here too)
I was a bit sad to see a banner on this site saying freedom from addiction as I re registered. This is not my site and I am not making a comment about making money from a site such as this but for me there is no freedom from addiction that I could buy. For me getting sober was a free thing but immensely hard work. For me, unless I do this the whole hogg the whole way all holes barred then I will go back to drinking. I continue to face issues as they arise. I reflect on them.. I meditate.. I get counselling. I talk to my trusted confidantes. It is a long story of my life that got me to drinking and it is not the absence of drinking that will keep me sober (though that helps, of course) it is dealing with me.. that inner core me, facing myself with eyes wide open faults and all.
Thing is that I can look at myself now. Not perfect (no way).. but I am much more accepting of me. I'm less judgmental. I think some of those harsh edges (that I denied when I was drinking) have softened. It would be true to say that I want to live now.
I will never forget where I was four years ago today.. my body and my spirit were dying and I was the murderer.. not alcohol.. that was my mechanism but I was the one that did it.. That was the day I started posting on this site. I lived on this site for a while there even though at that time most people that I knew on the site left. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But having started it I did everything I could. All those things that we talk about but dont do.. I exercised like my life depended on it (which it did) I ate right. I meditated. I got counselling. Any drinking thought was an immediate instigator to more hard internal work. The private nature of that inner work is not something that I would share on an open forum although many of us would share similar issues... of that I'm sure.
I often wonder how people who were there at my start are now? Mish. TTFM. Atlanta. DMC. Allegra. Gina. Donna to name a few. I can only wish them the very best. It is that thought of what happened to those people that makes me post today.
To those starting out.. or re starting out. Dont mess with this. Make your plan and get serious. Surround yourself with people who are as determined as you. Be prepared for many of them to fall on the way, but when they fall even while you feel sorry for them, make yourself stronger.. exercise.. reflect.. stay honest. You are all probably lucky I'm not on this site anymore cos I dont give pity cos pity did not get me sober. Honesty and hard work got me sober.. and some straight talking. I'm sorry to anyone I may have offended with my approach... but that was/is me. I'll never forget how hard it was to get sober. Never in my life will I delude myself that just one drink is ok. No matter what, whatever it takes.. I'll do it.
Bit by bit I get stronger.
I am alive.
Best of luck to you all.
About time too
Today is a day that seems more important than my birthday.. more important than Christmas. It is absolutely the most important day of my life. Oddly enough though there is probably only one person in the world that understands the importance of this day for me, but I thought that there may be people here who may understand today for me too and so I have returned for today.
Just like last year I've spent a while looking at some posts here. Lots of new faces and some familiar ones too. Many stories many lives. A lot of unhappiness here. (I am not pointing the finger.. I'm here too)
I was a bit sad to see a banner on this site saying freedom from addiction as I re registered. This is not my site and I am not making a comment about making money from a site such as this but for me there is no freedom from addiction that I could buy. For me getting sober was a free thing but immensely hard work. For me, unless I do this the whole hogg the whole way all holes barred then I will go back to drinking. I continue to face issues as they arise. I reflect on them.. I meditate.. I get counselling. I talk to my trusted confidantes. It is a long story of my life that got me to drinking and it is not the absence of drinking that will keep me sober (though that helps, of course) it is dealing with me.. that inner core me, facing myself with eyes wide open faults and all.
Thing is that I can look at myself now. Not perfect (no way).. but I am much more accepting of me. I'm less judgmental. I think some of those harsh edges (that I denied when I was drinking) have softened. It would be true to say that I want to live now.
I will never forget where I was four years ago today.. my body and my spirit were dying and I was the murderer.. not alcohol.. that was my mechanism but I was the one that did it.. That was the day I started posting on this site. I lived on this site for a while there even though at that time most people that I knew on the site left. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But having started it I did everything I could. All those things that we talk about but dont do.. I exercised like my life depended on it (which it did) I ate right. I meditated. I got counselling. Any drinking thought was an immediate instigator to more hard internal work. The private nature of that inner work is not something that I would share on an open forum although many of us would share similar issues... of that I'm sure.
I often wonder how people who were there at my start are now? Mish. TTFM. Atlanta. DMC. Allegra. Gina. Donna to name a few. I can only wish them the very best. It is that thought of what happened to those people that makes me post today.
To those starting out.. or re starting out. Dont mess with this. Make your plan and get serious. Surround yourself with people who are as determined as you. Be prepared for many of them to fall on the way, but when they fall even while you feel sorry for them, make yourself stronger.. exercise.. reflect.. stay honest. You are all probably lucky I'm not on this site anymore cos I dont give pity cos pity did not get me sober. Honesty and hard work got me sober.. and some straight talking. I'm sorry to anyone I may have offended with my approach... but that was/is me. I'll never forget how hard it was to get sober. Never in my life will I delude myself that just one drink is ok. No matter what, whatever it takes.. I'll do it.
Bit by bit I get stronger.
I am alive.
Best of luck to you all.
About time too
ray:
?We are one another's angels? 
I agree with heavenly and att,i find it hard to express what i really mean to say and would like to come across more expressive,,,, but i am learning,...
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