drinking thoughts

[bear73]

hello everyone - I've been hanging outon the monthly abstinence forum which is amazingly supportive - wondered if I should be here though?

I am 11 and a half weeks af and starting to struggle with the idea of never having another drink again EVER. That's partly why I was thinking of moving here as I don't want to put newbies off who maybe at week or day 1, as up until now after the first couple of weeks it hasn't been too difficult.

My life is so much better - I have taken up a sport that practices friday evening and Sunday afternoons - impossible when I was partying heavily! I feel clamer, my skin is better , I feel more confident and enthusiastic about life.

I have friends over for Xmas and am toying with idea of 'just one glass of wine' they asked if I was drinking/planning to drink and I said that I don't know (I find that helps me - then I don't feel the pressure and deliberately trip myself up).

Am I fooling myself, I don't want to go back to where I was - I was drinking 35+ units a week at times socially/feeling more anxious and depressed.

Any ideas gratefully received

[tiptronic_ct]

drinking thoughts

Hi, Bear

I don't normally post here, so many of you might not know me.

I can only speak for myself: moderation (in any form) is not an option. I am not willing to compromise my sobriety after having finally emerged from the hell that I was in. It would just not be worth the risk.

[Suni]

drinking thoughts

Any ideas gratefully receivedYou did say ANY ideas gratefully received.
You might not like what you hear Bear.

Remember you're talking to people with drink problems and you can't kid a kidder. We've been there, done that etc etc. Are you sure that you're here because you don't want to put the newbies in monthly abstinence off or are you here to find some support to start again?
At the end of the day it's your life and your decision what you do with it. No-one else but you can keep you sober and you are free to take the next drink like the rest of us any time you feel like it.

But you have gone 11 weeks without! Why would you start again especially after listing all the good and positive things that are in your life as a result?
Why also do you feel pressure never to drink again? it's only today that counts. You will feel different tomorrow. Nothing ever stays the same.
You said it yourself.
You feel calmer, your skin is better, your'e more confident, youre doing sport, you're more enthusiastic.
But hey, you can throw all that way in one fell swoop. Your choice Bear.
have friends over for Xmas and am toying with idea of 'just one glass of wine' they asked if I was drinking/planning to drink and I said that I don't know (I find that helps me - then I don't feel the pressure and deliberately trip myself up).

Why on earth would you be thinking about drinking at CHRISTMAS? It's almost 8 weeks away! How can you possibly know that you will still feel like a drink in eight weeks time? It doesn't make sense. You can only deal with not drinking today. You don't need to put that pressure on yourself.

Sorry if it sounds like a rant. I have absolutely no right to rant but I'd hate you to have regrets Mr Bear.
X

[bear73]

drinking thoughts

One day at a time - sometimes helps when I'm struggling.

I'm here for two reasons - majority to get the support I need - but I also don't feel it would help new people to hear someone moaning at 11 weeks when they're on day 1.
It also does say monthly abstinence forum and I'm past a month now.

keep on keeping on I guess.

[Suni]

drinking thoughts

I'm here for two reasons - majority to get the support I need - but I also don't feel it would help new people to hear someone moaning at 11 weeks when they're on day 1.
It also does say monthly abstinence forum and I'm past a month now.

Well done on 11 weeks. It's a fantastic achievment.
What kind of support is it that you need? What are you looking for Bear?
You said it yourself that so many things in your life improved.
If I get to 11 weeks I'll be rejoicing!

[bear73]

drinking thoughts

Hi Suni, thanks for your input.

I'm looking for guidance/ideas from people who've been sober for a while on how they deal with the 'never drinking again' thought and don't get freaked out by it.

It's only really happened the last couple of weeks and I've heard people say it's a 'stage' around the 3 month mark and I wondered how others had got through.

When i think 'never again' that seems scary - day at a time approach works for me so far but I fear that it may be running out of steam for me.

[Suni]

drinking thoughts

Hi Bear,
I sympathize and guess those old timers will tell you themselves when they arrive what they did, but I’m guessing they didn’t have any magic tricks. You pretty much have to find your own motivation for staying sober. It seems to me you've made a great start. Worrying about the future is futile. Let it take care of itself.
Remember that all that matters is taking action. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself you won’t drink again, or how much time you spend fretting over when you'll have a relapse.
The only thing that matters in all of it is that you don’t take the first drink.
Now would be a great time to read the thread 'What I hate, loathe and detest about drinking.
Bet you don't make it to the end of page 5.
Keep on hanging in there Bear. You're worth it.

[startingover]

drinking thoughts

Hi Bear,
Coming up to three months seems to be quite a rocky time for some, I know it was for me, as was 6 months. BUT IT PASSES. Not sure why these milestones can trigger some old emotions but you arent alone at all.
My suggestion would be to keep fresh in your mind why you are enjoying your sobriety and why you dont want to go back to being a drunk. Write everything down in graphic detail. It will help keep things real.
Try not to worry about to far ahead in the scheme of things. Yes Christmas can be a worry (I had my first sober one last year) but honestly, you will find you enjoy it so much more without that will I wont I scenario of drinking.
Keep sharing these t houghts as they arise. Its a good thing.

[Trish]

drinking thoughts

Hi Bear73,

This time around I have 1 wk. It doesn't bother me to hear "your moaning". I find it natural for myself to think about drinking sometimes. I'm an alcoholic. You see I understand that it's natural for some people to not be able to accept never drinking again. I don't have to act on my thoughts. I also have power to change my thoughts as well. One is the word never, is it even true. I can't make promises like that to myself today. All I have is today! I understand that time is a gift, not the enemy.

I've been there. I usually pick up right about the 3-month mark of sobriety. All I can tell u is if u have tested whether or not u truly are alcoholic or not, u will know the truth inside. I have tested & researched, played all the games with self. I know without doubt I am. Yet, I know I could drink again to. But why would I want to destroy myself & my family? Learning to love myself. Even doing it is much better. It's what I deserve, what they deserve.

The disease of alcoholism is fighting to bring u back, it doesn't want to die. Denial & fear are it's allies. I go through times of future tripping to. Last yr around this time I played the what if's. No hot buttered rums, no kaluah , or Baily's. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. Why can't I be like other people.

What will I do differently this time? Learn & apply PAWS, as I exp. them strongly every time around this mark Playing the tape all the way through to the end. There will be other things I need to do as well. Thankfully, I don't have to worry too much, as I'm not there yet.

Are u willing to give up r new found freedom & happiness?

I was & I regret it every time. Sure I can start back out slow with a glass or two of wine, but I always end up miserably drunk & find it very difficult to start again. They call it the "honeymoon phase".

As already mentioned, please stay in TODAY. "We aren't even promised tomorrow that's why it's called the present, a gift".

Hope u read the thread Awakening. It may help u. Remember u do have a choice. I hope u make the best one possible for u.

[mario]

drinking thoughts

hi bear 73,well done on nearly 3 months alcohol free, when i was 3 months af i remember thinking ,what am i going to do when my twin brother & sisters birthday come up, when it did come around i was 5 months af and it didn't bother me at all, as been said write down all the good positive things, and use them to move forward, ps when people/friends ask me now if i am drinking, i just say ; i dont drink; end off and let them deal with it, its not your problem

[lilmea]

drinking thoughts

Bear,

I only have 31/2 months but this link is from a long term abstainer and one of the most inspiring post https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...on-38171.htmlI have read.

[shirazgirl]

drinking thoughts

Instead of planning on whether or not I'm going to drink for the Holidays, I am coming up with plans of how I'm NOT going to drink on the Holidays. Figured I'd put a stake through the heart of the demon before he comes calling for me. If your equipped w/ a weapon, you will always have a better chance of wining the fight.

My family gets together for Thanksgiving. My parent drink in excess. I've already planned to take all the nieces and nephews for a walk around way to where me and my sisters grew up. Show them some of the hangouts from there mothers haydays.

Christmas will be simple. I am trading my glass of wine for one BIG peice of Tiramisu, something I would have never done in the past (oh and so looking forward to it)....whatever works for you. Think of ways to reward yourself on the Holidays for not drinking.

I am not drinking because I feel so good right now and I don't want to start over (although my original plan was moderation). I don't think it's right for me. To much trying to control something that was out of control...

[Doggygirl]

drinking thoughts

Hi Bear. The odds are not stacked in favor of us heavy drinkers turning back the clock and somehow being able to have "just one." That's just a fact.

The people on this site who have been successful at moderating their drinking for any length of time have put monumental effort, and sometimes medication (aka RJ's Topomax advice) into managing their drinking in a truly moderate way. I challenge you to find even one truly moderate drinker here on this site who suddenly decided to have "just one glass of wine" with friends over the holidays and VOILA was magically cured of this addiction!

I can tell you from my own personal experience that the notion of "just one" led me to an 8 month relapse that was extremely difficult to break.

If I were going to actually make an honest attempt at seeing if I could drink moderately, I would NOT do it at the holidays when emotions and parties are running at an all time high, and the already slipperly slope will be covered with solid ice!

It's a risk. You know it's a risk. Only you can decide if you are going to take that risk or not.

DG

[tlrgs]

drinking thoughts

i have to dito what doggie said .. and one is too many and 12 is never enought that would be me

[KateH1]

drinking thoughts

Hi Bear....well....you have certainly received a lot of valuable advice here! I would caution you to think about "Allowing a space for alcohol to enter your life again".....if that space is left open.....you will surely drink!

I do not look at alcohol as a "Reward"....or something that is lacking in my life. The idea of never drinking again, is one that I truly hope I will live up to! I truly love my alcohol free life! I do not kid myself with thinking that alcohol.....1 glass or twenty with add anything of value....in fact, I know that it will NOT!

I hope that you truly search your soul and figure out what is going on with these thoughts and that you make the right decision for you!