What was your greatest fear?

[Suni]

:nutso:

Hi, it's that woman again with so many questions! I'm just so curious about peoples experience. I just wondered in particular a question to long term abstainers though I guess anyone who has been AL free for a time could answer too.

What was your biggest fear about giving up? I mean what were you really afraid of losing? And did your fear it turn out to be true?
Or did you realise something I am beginning to realise which is that AL is all smoke and mirrors and illusions?

[greeneyes]

What was your greatest fear?

I was afraid of who I would be. Actually who I really was. I had forgotten her. Wasn't sure what she was like. Would I like myself? Would my friends still like me? Would my husband? (that turned out way different than you could imagine, but it had nothing to do with alcohol )

No, it turned out to be incredibly far from true. I love who I am and so do my friends and family. My vibrational level continues to rise and I attract more good people and things into my life as a result.

[hippie37]

What was your greatest fear?

Ditto what Greenie said!

I had the emotional intelligence of a child so couldn't cope with life because of that stunted emotional growth. Normal people learn to cope with situations and take responsibility for their actions and deal with hurt and pain constructively. I didn't know how to do that. So to deal with life on life's terms without the crutch of alcohol and drugs was a massive step forward for me.

I thought I would loose my sense of identity if I gave up because it was all I'd ever known. Nothing though could of been further from the truth. When I faced my fears and looked deeply at my issues, I saw the real me for the first time and actually found myself. I'm still that 'character' that I always was but I'm not so false today and have more conviction with who I really am. Good and bad. I don't hide from me anymore and put on all these masks that portray me in a way I want people to see me. I'm real and true to myself and in doing so I become more real in the world around me. I still get fearful when I try to play god again and control situations or people. I can still get judgmental (as someone stated the other week!) and think I'm better than other people. I still have all these defects in my character that are a part of my conditioning. But at least I'm honest with it today and admit I'm not perfect.

Alcohol is not the illusion in my eyes. We create our own illusions of the world through whatever form of conditioning has taken place. Sexual abuse, abandonment, insecurities, materialism etc etc. Alcohol was the solution for me to all these things and I created an even bigger illusion that I was happy just to disguise it.

Thanks again 'That Women' for another thought provoking thread.:l

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[Doggygirl]

What was your greatest fear?

Another thought provoking thread dear Suni!!!

My biggest fear by far was that I COULDN'T stop drinking. Then my second biggest fear was that if I somehow DID stop drinking, what sort of person would I find there? How would I deal with life and it's problems without AL? I was afraid of just about everything, I think.

I totally lost myself to AL. The wonderful news about finding myself on the bottom was that I had nowhere to go but up. It's been an incredible journey to sobriety so far, with no regrets.

DG

[dancelot]

What was your greatest fear?

Honestly, my biggest fear was that I could not give AL itself up, ever.

If I look deeper than that, then I guess it would be fear of living without it, which I've never done for long. I would be starting over as an adult I guess. I started regular drinking at the age of 18, when they lowered the drinking age in Texas the week before I went away to college. So for 36 years it was my closest friend (I hate to admit that, but it's true). Maybe a fear of being "alone"? It was my "best friend", after all. Fear that I "can't live with it, can't live without it"?

I try every day to remember and reconnect with the person that was there before (the good parts anyway - fortunately all the years of therapy finally laid to rest the really bad stuff - or at least taught me the value of perspective). Realizing she loved art, horses, music, and dancing long before she ever had a drink, and AL really isn't necessary for any of those things.

Another great thought provoking thread, Suni - thanks! :h

Hey, Doggygirl, I was writing this before you posted - interesting!

[KateH1]

What was your greatest fear?

Doggygirl;754983 wrote: Another thought provoking thread dear Suni!!!

My biggest fear by far was that I COULDN'T stop drinking. Then my second biggest fear was that if I somehow DID stop drinking, what sort of person would I find there? How would I deal with life and it's problems without AL? I was afraid of just about everything, I think.

I totally lost myself to AL. The wonderful news about finding myself on the bottom was that I had nowhere to go but up. It's been an incredible journey to sobriety so far, with no regrets.

DG

In my case, exactly what DG said!

[Doggygirl]

What was your greatest fear?

OK Dancelot. We've got to stop sharing a brain like this!! :H Actually, what has amazed me along this journey is how totally alone I felt at the end of my drinking career, and now how very much I find I have in common with other alcohlics.

DG

[shirazgirl]

What was your greatest fear?

My biggest fear was that I would never have fun again. I became the social star where I live, arranging all the meet ups and activities for a large group of friends and professionals. Although I kept it to a minimum while out, the thought of not drinking again meant that I would no longer be what I thought was center of the universe. Well you know what, I'm absolutely freakin not. Never was, it was all in my head. A false sense of security. Life of the party, superstar along with a great career. Oh brother me, get over yourself.
Well, I spend most of my free time in the gym. Sweating, looking like I just came out of the washing machine. I spend no time preparing for the Friday and Saturday night party. I catch a movie, go to a book store or make a pie.
My friends have gone on without me. I'm sure they are all having their parties and they have basically given up on calling me on the weekend with the invite. I'm sure declining their invitations week after week, they've moved on without me.
I'm happy now. I'm humbled. I'm simpler. I'm in much better shape. I like me so much more now.

[1967]

What was your greatest fear?

My biggest fear is also that I cannot stop drinking.
I thought I was afraid to really experience life full force, but I was wrong.
This aspect has not been nearly as difficult that I had made it out to be in my mind.

[LVT25]

What was your greatest fear?

You know, I looked at this morning, and decided to think on it. But I don't even really remember what I was so afraid of. I mean there are things that are still a little hard about being af...like shiraz said, having fun without it--being able to cut loose and no inhibitions. It is a little harder to socialize without it. Looking back, it that was why I put off quitting for so long it is pretty lame. I WAS afraid of how it would affect my relationship with my husband and some of my friends. But those relationships that are worth having just require some honesty, and possibly time.
For me it feels like a natural progression of age. BUT, I still worry about how others feel about me way too much.
Ok, I don't think I answered the question, but love the thread Suni--keep asking questions!

[Sarasmiles]

What was your greatest fear?

This is such a good question, and I'm going to answer it even though I still struggle with my fears.

I'm afraid I won't have fun anymore. Won't be able to feel really cheery and "fun" without that euphoric buzz.

I'm afraid of feeling the irritation I feel with my husband and kids and not having a quick and easy escape.

I'm afraid of being shy and quiet in social situations.

I'm afraid of evolving beyond where my husband is. Then what?

YIKES. I guess I'm really scared!

[july232007]

What was your greatest fear?

One good topic here! Great insights. Many of us were afraid we could not stop and of who we would meet (in ourselves) when we did, it seems. Me too!

July

[Marshy]

What was your greatest fear?

Like a few others, my fear was that I wouldn't be able to stop. Because what would happen then? I didn't think about what would happen if I did stop because I couldn't really envisage being able to do it, so I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I did. It seemed like such a huge mountain to climb.

[Suni]

What was your greatest fear?

Hi Guys,
I can identify a bit with all of the above.
1) Wondering if I have what it takes to live a life free of booze.
2) Wondering if I will like what I find and if others will too.
3) Not so much wondering how I can deal with my problems because generally I have well developed problem-solving skills in other areas of my life.
4) Definitely share Shirazgirl's fear that the fun will go. I too have been the life and soul of the party, the driver of the wit and wisdom which booze seems to enhance! By the way, it that is you in you avatar pic then the gym work is paying off. Go girl!
5) I agree that I might find socilaising a bit awkward at the beginning but as someone else said in another thread it's about living with the discomfort and knowing that it too will pass. Besides, being the life and soul of the party I have learned how to manipulate and change my state at will. I can still do that and 'act as if' I'm having fun until I begin to do it unconsiously.
Once again thanks for all your wondeful support and I am still determined to hang in there and break his habit in style!
XSuni

[Suni]

What was your greatest fear?

Quite a few of you including Marshy have said that you didn't know if you COULD stop and at the time you couldn't think further than that thought. I am just wondering how you managed to deal with that fear? If you had no confidence that you could do it what on earth were you hanging on to? I only ask because I'm full of admiration, but something got you through even if it was blind faith.