What was your greatest fear?

[derrygirl1]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni, I liked your last thought, I sitting at my computer Tuesday night and even though all day my convictions were strong, no drink tonight, I found myself getting close to witching hour (8:00 p.m.) for me and thought oh I can't do it maybe I'll try next week! I sat wrestling mentally with the thought and it was almost like a click...........if I don't do this for me who the hell will? I HATE the first night AF, I couldn't sleep all night......thankfully I had gone to the library, so I finished a great Nora Roberts book, was tired yesterday morning, took a little nap, last night's sleep was a little better. I'm hoping tonights will be awesome.
I didn't want to stop, been 10 years, I was living with a mask, trying to hide it from people outside, not so much from people inside. When my son kisses me goodnight every night and looks at the beer cans to see how many I've had.......that was my incentive, I can do it for me but I WANT to do it for my children. I'm on day 3 AF AGAIN, but somehow more hopeful that maybe this time it will stick. I hate that the strong person I once was has let herself be controlled by AL for the past 10 years. Sorry to ramble but it's 7:46 and I haven't gone back to bed to sleep off last nights excess. Thanks.

[Marshy]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni;755341 wrote: something got you through even if it was blind faith.

Lots of tools helped/help me through the process but one big motivator was also fear. I was scared I couldn't do it but I was also scared of what would happen if I didn't.

I think it very much depends where you are along the spectrum in your drinking. I had gone way beyond the point of wanting confidence in social situations or wanting a buzz or wanting to have fun. I had got to the point of merely servicing my addiction. There was no fun involved, and I didn't need "confidence" because I was isolating myself at home and drinking myself into oblivion. No social skills needed there!

Fear of where I could end up still keeps me going. But I see that fear as a positive emotion - something that warns me and protects me. My big fear is ending up on the street. Sounds dramatic, I know, but I recognise myself in the street drinkers I see every day, and there's a place on the bench waiting for me if I choose that path.

[drylifeahead]

What was your greatest fear?

Darn it!! I was almost done typing out a long post when I got booted.

Once again Suni a great question. I look forward to seeing threads you start as your questions always make me reflect.

My biggest fears are much like everyone else's that posted. Could I get over my shyness in a group of people without the aid
of alcohol? Could I drive day after day by the LCBO and Beer Stores and stop my strong urge of wanting to pull into the parkinglot
and pick some up. What would people think when once again I fail. How disappointed would my boys be THIS time, could I look
them in the eye and in all seriousness council them that smoking and drinking is something they must stay away from. How could
I ever live a normal life constantly wanting to have a drink. Constantly ughhhhh!

One of my favourite books is 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway.' I've read it many times. I just HAD to push through the fear knowing
my life was about to change-for the better. And it has, as the minutes, hours, days and now weeks tick by, all my fears are slowly
diminishing. Now I only have one true fear, and that is that one day I will pick up a glass and drink it, and that the cycle will start over
again. However this is a fear I welcome. This fear I never want to leave. I imagine it will slowly over a long time grow to a confidence
that it will never happen, but until then I hold that fear close to me. Could very well be the key that locks my sobriety in me.

Well done Suni, I love reading everyone's thoughts and I look forward to your next question :l
Not to pressure you or anything.

DLA

[greeneyes]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni;755341 wrote: If you had no confidence that you could do it what on earth were you hanging on to?

Blind faith works. Hope works.

There is a saying "fake it till you make it". Aslo "self fulfilling prophecy". Thoughts are powerful things. I think on a cellular level your being believes what you tell it. So you tell yourself you are a non-drinker. That you CAN stop. That you are a successful person with great potential. And you keep saying it until the shift happens. That's part of what I believe to be true anyway.

[drylifeahead]

What was your greatest fear?

Ha! Cross post greeneyes

Never thought of that. Blind faith. Definitely some of that mixed in. Works for me :h:h

DLA

[dancelot]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni;755341 wrote: Quite a few of you including Marshy have said that you didn't know if you COULD stop and at the time you couldn't think further than that thought. I am just wondering how you managed to deal with that fear? If you had no confidence that you could do it what on earth were you hanging on to? I only ask because I'm full of admiration, but something got you through even if it was blind faith.

I had to "tough it out", I guess. The day I did stop, I was equally fearful of what I knew would happen to me if I continued, on top of the overwhelming fear of never being able to stop.

I found MWO that day (after researching alcoholism, failing all the tests as to whether I was a problem drinker, the negative health effects, etc). I stayed in live chat for probably 8 hours, mostly just observing. I met two people there who without any pushiness or nagging, encouraged me, asked about my plan, told me of their success, and how they were before, and somewhere very early on in those conversations I realized they used to me, they had changed, they were long term AF (and inside of me knew that was my only option).

As it got later in the evening, another person came on. This individual was obviously drunk, belligerent, verbally abusive, and apparently in a physically abusive relationship (I've never seen her on this forum since, and hope she found help). Seeing this put the literal fear of God into me. This is who I could be again (since I'd been drinking in isolation for years, it hadn't come up in a long, long time). That made me physically ill enough to know I did not want to be like that, EVER. That first night was the hardest ever, one of the most physically and emotionally draining I've had in recent times. To make it through, and wake up the next without drinking myself to sleep the night before was a revelation. If I ever feel I could relapse, I read the "desperate" or "disgusting" posts, and believe me, these stop the urge in it's tracks. Normally I stick to the positive but a dose of ugly reality is a great motivator.

I then went for 30 days AF (and believe me, it seemed impossible), by doing "one day, hour, or minute at a time", supplements, always having a plan (A & B), etc. Now I'm past 90 days.

I had a funny and wonderful revelation recently as well - basically I had this vision of myself living on the street (this is related to the current economy and my business) - and I thought "I may end up homeless, but dammit, I'll be a SOBER homeless person!" That's when I knew I will succeed long term (and I never take any chances there!).

[Trish]

What was your greatest fear?

My greatest fear, is myself. Is, is turning into was. Believing I'm not going to ever be happy, believing I'm not worth it. Running from myself.

I've heard fear is losing something u have, or may never have.

Well this isn't the screw u thread, but screw fear. Screw the ideas ~ thoughts ~ beliefs that I'm not good enough.

[Doggygirl]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni;755341 wrote: Quite a few of you including Marshy have said that you didn't know if you COULD stop and at the time you couldn't think further than that thought. I am just wondering how you managed to deal with that fear? If you had no confidence that you could do it what on earth were you hanging on to? I only ask because I'm full of admiration, but something got you through even if it was blind faith.

For me it was reaching a point of "try or die."

DG

[KateH1]

What was your greatest fear?

Suni, this is a great question....how did I get the courage and determination to stop drinking, even though I thought that it was not possible.

I was miserable....in my head, I knew that I wanted to change my life, I was tired of the misery that alcohol brought to my life. Tired of the depression, anxiety, hangovers...even though I have a wonderful family, my husband, my children and grandchildren.....I was joyless! I thought of taking anti-depressents, anxiety meds etc....but I knew that this was dangerous if I was drinking.....I also knew that most of the reason that I felt bad, was due to my drinking.

One day in September of 07, while researching Rehabs on the internet, I found MWO..I began reading the boards, ordered the book and after a couple of weeks, I compiled My PLAN....and My Journey Began!!

Less than a month from now, I will happily celebrate 2 years of sobriety!! I am so Grateful and Happy to be living without alcohol!!

[boozehag]

What was your greatest fear?

My biggest fear was how could I possibly live a life without AL seeing as it played such a big part in every social activities that i could think of - I just could not figure that bit out and every time I thought of it I sort of panicked about what the future would hold. I did not want to drink but I could not perceive in my mind a life without it long term. BUT at that time the the immediate pain of AL was worse so I just did not think about the long term and focused on day by day. And you know what it was all in my mind. Life does not revolve around AL at all there are zillions of people in the world living their lives without AL I just thought life revolved around AL because it did for me. That is such an illusion but you cannot see that at the beginning as you are still in the grip of the AL and its convincing delusions but day by day they go away and then later on you wonder how you could ever have had such a stupid thought. I only wish I had known that back when I started as it might have made it easier in the beginning but I guess you cant know it until you do it.
M

[paula]

What was your greatest fear?

My greatest fear was not being able stay af , also looking at the terrible things I had done over the years, would I drink again because I could not face the hurt and fear I had caused to my wonderful family ?. They gave me the inspiration along with people in mwo and AA. Like you Kate H I too am happy to be living free from alcohol, though I have some catching up to do with you Kate well done.

[Davie Souter]

What was your greatest fear?

Hi,
My biggest fears are still very real as I am so early into AF.
All my friends and by that I mean those who have been friends with since childhood socialise around the pub at the weekends. My biggest fear is how my relationship with them will play out once they realise I'm committed to not drinking - will I be cast aside consciously or subconciously? Just this week I have had at least 3 conversations with friends which included " we must go for a few pints next weekend" etc etc etc. A lot of them feel I don't have a problem with AL and that my problem is that I often associate with people who are a bad influence on me - may be an element of truth to this.
Another fear I have is how I will interact with the opposite sex socially. Apologies if this is too candid but it is a real fear. I can't recall the last time I had sex sober - will I have the confidence or will I be like that Nicolas Cage film - "Gone in 60 Seconds"? :H

[Doggygirl]

What was your greatest fear?

Davie, I encourage you to protect your sobriety with your life - even if that means some of your friendships go by the wayside. My true friends that really care about ME (not the DRINKING BUDDY in me) respect that I don't drink any more, and spend as little time as possible in the vicinity of AL any more. The people who cannot stand to do things without AL...well...I know all to well what that means. I can relate to that problem but will not dive back into that particular pool myself. You may find the need to do a very hard reality check on your "people, places and things" if you truly want to lead a sober life. Just trading alcohol for club soda doesn't generally do the trick.

Your question about socializing and having sober sex is a very real one. You might find this thread interesting. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...sex-36287.html A wide range of people participated in this very real and important discussion.

DG

[july232007]

What was your greatest fear?

This is what it is all about

"One day in September of 07, while researching Rehabs on the internet, I found MWO..I began reading the boards, ordered the book and after a couple of weeks, I compiled My PLAN....and My Journey Began!!
Less than a month from now, I will happily celebrate 2 years of sobriety!! I am so Grateful and Happy to be living without alcohol!! ...KateH1

KateH1 sums up what I have observed in my time here at MWO as the winning combination. Simply stated, 1. find my way out; 2. read the boards, 3. order and read the book, 4. take the plunge. I think that humility regarding the task at hand and a willingness to accept the hard work does help.

True humility is a replenishing source of strength, I believe.

Great posts here. I hope to read more!

July

[MF]

What was your greatest fear?

My greatest fear?

When I began to think about giving up drinking, I was afraid because I couldn't imagine life without it! I'd been a regular drinker most of my life, and it had almost become part of my personality. Also I was worried about losing my social life (which largely rotated around drinking).

The amazing thing I've found is that life goes on! I hadn't realised that the world was changing around me, and it was me who was stuck in a rut. I still see some of my old friends (who are quite impressed that I don't drink!), as well as meeting new people (through AA etc.) whose experiences I can relate to.

I've been sober for nearly 2 years now, and I only wish I'd given up a lot earlier!

MF