Everyday is a battle

[Hefty]

I've been sober several years now, but still struggle with the day to day reality of my addiction
Once again its coming up to Christmas and this is the hardest time for me. My work colleagues are giving me heaps about not wanting to go to the work Christmas parties.
Its hard to explain to someone who has never had a serious drinking problem what the feeling is like to walk into a social event and have to be on guard all the time.
Most of the people I work with now have never seen my other self destructive uncontrollable side. I am not looking forward to the next few weeks, I feel enormous pressure and fell like a freak for having this rotten bloody millstone in my life.
Time does not seem to have made it easier to deal with the December madness that pours out every year. I'll be glad when the festive season is over.
I find myself wondering about how grog can be such an integral part of society. I wish for the life of me that I never has this problem.:new:

[Guitarista]

Everyday is a battle

G'day Hefty,
Big Welcome to you, and congrat's on your af time.
It's a difficult time of year for many of us mate. Just know that you're not alone. For me, i take a little bit of time out every day, just for me. I reflect on where i've been, who i am now, and where i'm going. I am so grateful to be sober, that i'm happy no matter what crap comes my way. Including end of year celebrations. And i'm far too busy carving out, and enjoying my new life every day, to worry about what other's are doing.
You are sober, my friend. Be free. Feel gratitude, not deprivation.

Best wishes, and take care.

[Marshy]

Everyday is a battle

Welcome Hefty!

Congratulations on your "several years". That's great, but if it's still a day-to-day battle it sounds as though something's wrong. I agree that this is a difficult time of year but it's easier if you build up strong AF networks to spend time in - such as AA, sports clubs, church if you're religious etc. You don't have to give up all your old friends but finding new sober ones helps to balance things out and takes the focus off drinking as a social activity - there are so many other ways to spend your time.

And I agree with Guitarista's advice about feeling gratitude rather than deprivation. There's lots of info on this site about how to LIVE sober, not just cling on hoping you don't drink. Stick around! Here's something from the tool box thread, which is a sticky in monthly abstinence.
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

[mario]

Everyday is a battle

hi & welcome hefty, 7 years is a long time well done. I cant really add to what marshy & guitarist has said, maybe by been actively a part of this community you can help yourself and help others, I am sure you could share your seven years of staying alcohol free, hope you do .

[KateH1]

Everyday is a battle

Hi Hefty! Welcome and Well Done on 7 Years!

I agree completely with what Marshy said! I know that moving in to the Gratitude mode and just knowing that I choose to live an alcohol free life is so liberating!

As for drinking at parties. In my job, I must attend several holiday parties. I always order a non alcoholic beverage, with no excuses nor explainations....period! I simply do not drink. Yep! sometimes there are those that try to push alcohol.....honestly....what right of theirs is that? Why do they care what I am drinking? When pressured to drink alcohol....I simply say no thank you and quickly move on to a new topic or just walk away.

The thing is....when we see our lives as a choice...and it is a choice, to live as a non-drinker....there is absolutely no need to explain the woe's of being an alcoholic....nor any reason to even discuss our reasons......we are just simply a non-drinker.

Did you know that Donald Trump is a non-drinker? He has never been a drinker, he just chooses not to drink alcohol. It sure hasn't hurt him in the business world!! In fact, it has probably helped him!

Best Wishes!!

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Everyday is a battle

Hi Hefty,
Fabulous that you have been several years sober.

Seems such a shame though that you find the festive season much of a strain.

No offence, but you emit something of the dry drunk. Again, no offence, but perhaps you haven`t entirely come to terms with living a life sans alcohol. Perhaps, even after all this time sober, you still feel that you are in some way missing out...........

I don`t claim to be any sort of expert, but as I approach my 2nd sober anniversary, I would have to say that the imminent festivities do not in any way weaken my resolve about remaining AF. I do not feel in the least tempted to drink, if anything, I feel to drink would absolutely destroy my Christmas and New Year and that of my family.

I will always retain a mental image of myself as the devil-may-care drunk. That image makes me shudder now.........she wasn`t nice..........she wasn`t pretty, and to drink would `only` awaken her. Who on earth would be so foolish? Not I and I hope not you either. You have much of which to be proud.

I can`t really offer you any great words of wisdom. I do, however, hope and pray that you find your peace.

All the best,

Star x

[Davie Souter]

Everyday is a battle

Marshy;769008 wrote: Welcome Hefty!

Congratulations on your "several years". That's great, but if it's still a day-to-day battle it sounds as though something's wrong. I agree that this is a difficult time of year but it's easier if you build up strong AF networks to spend time in - such as AA, sports clubs, church if you're religious etc. You don't have to give up all your old friends but finding new sober ones helps to balance things out and takes the focus off drinking as a social activity - there are so many other ways to spend your time.

And I agree with Guitarista's advice about feeling gratitude rather than deprivation. There's lots of info on this site about how to LIVE sober, not just cling on hoping you don't drink. Stick around! Here's something from the tool box thread, which is a sticky in monthly abstinence.
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

Marshy,
This is a top post. Being thankful for being AF is the key to staying AF. When you bring AL consumption down to the bare facts you are missing out on nothing but in fact gaining freedom to happy more fulfilling and true life.

[Raven.joy]

Everyday is a battle

Keep going mate. I look forward to the day I have been 7 years without a drink. You have done what so many of us here aspire to. But its a life path as you know, so keep going mate.