Thurs Oct 5

[mikeupnorth]

Several people, including myself, have suggested having 2 different Absvilles – one for those who are doing abs for a month or who are just trying it out, and another for those who have made a commitment to long-term sobriety. Some have even stated that the current mix of discussions and goals makes them stay away from the board for periods of time, because it does not support their goal of long-term sobriety, or even worse, might undermine their efforts.

Well, we already have the infrastructure here to have two Absvilles. It is built right in. The only thing is we aren’t using this forum to have daily posts. Why not? Maybe until recently there weren’t very many people who had come to the conclusion that they couldn’t (or didn’t want) to ever drink again? I know many people start out MWO thinking they are going to do mods and end up deciding on abs. Some, like me, are just too addled in the brain to know what they are doing in the beginning and eventually figure it out.

I have had a couple of false starts, as you know. But my goal IS long term sobriety. I know I can’t drink. And I really want to have a forum with like-minded people. I’m not saying that I don’t get a lot from the other Absville: I do. But I can see where I would benefit from this forum and regular communications with people whose goal is long-term sobriety, as opposed to a month, or just dabbling with it, or contemplating it. I’m in this for the long haul; I have to be. For me, it’s a life-or-death proposition.

That’s why I jumped over here to start a post. What do you guys think about having a daily post here, like we do in the other forum? I’m not trying to steal people away from Absville 1, but anyone whose goal is long term sobriety is welcome to come over here and post as well. We can go back and forth as much as we want. All we would ask is that those whose goal is *not* long term sobriety just read, not post. If they make that decision, then we welcome them with open arms.

Any of us here may slip just like anyone else. And if we do I know the love and support will be here. But the thing is we all know we are doing our utmost to prevent that from happening – we don’t keep drinking or mods in the back of our mind as an option. We know it’s not an option because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.

I love all the folks who are just trying to figure out what they are doing – it wasn’t so long ago that I was there. And I love those who are thinking they’ll do 30 days abs and move on to mods – more power to them, I hope they can. But I also love those of you who have decided you can’t drink ever again – you are just like me. And I understand why you say you don’t come around because it endangers your sobriety. I hate to see that happen, and I think this *can* be a safe haven right here.

What do you think? Shall we give it a go, and do a daily post in this forum too?

[gabby]

Thurs Oct 5

Hi Mikey honey bun. I dont want you to feel loney so I came over here to see you. Dont you have to go to work? gabbs

[sujul]

Thurs Oct 5

I'm in!! I think the difficulty with sustaining this long-term board has been that we didn't post on a regular, daily basis....

I actually do not have time to post anything thoughtful at the moment (I am running to the bank to try and cover a check before it bounces--yep, these things do STILL happen when I'm abs!)....I'll be here regularly if we can get a long-term Absville up and running here...we definitely need a place to be able to focus on abs as a lifetime goal and it really isn't fair to try to impose that on folks who may have a different plan in mind for themselves. PLUS, it's not really surprising that the concerns and challenges--and the ways you approach them--change as you move along the abs path (5 1/2 months here!)....

Oh-oh--it's getting late! Definitely lots more to say (of course!)--but gotta run before the bank takes my last dime!

I look forward to seeing how/if this works out--
:l
susan

[Guest]

Thurs Oct 5

I like this

I am much more comfortable here already! I agree with setting things up the way you have them laid out. I know that some don't want to see Absville divided--but in reality it already is. Our views can be too strong for some--and their views sometimes can mess with my head. I will love having a place to check in daily like this. A place to discuss all sorts of things that relate to long term abs.

It was mentioned in Absville 1--that in AA they don't turn anyone away. But the fact of the matter is that at AA the premise is not to drink at all. The ones who want mods--don't stay--as that is not the goal of the collective group. This excludes all that are court ordered there. This isn't about exclusion. Its about a group coming together that has the same goal and is here to support one another.

Everyone is free to count however they wish. But when I would count 32/2--it was counter productive for me. It would appear that I had made progress--even success--when in reality that I hadn't.

I am an alcoholic. Before it meant I drank. Now it means that because of it I don't.

Kim
63 consecutive days!

[gabby]

Thurs Oct 5

Kim you are really getting up there. I'm sorry for kinda loosin track of your progress with all the activity in absville. But it wasnt just slips, other stuff too. I am impressed that you have been still goin. Good for you!!!!

[spacie]

Thurs Oct 5

Hi,
Didn't see you posting over here and just posted a big honker over on the Absville board, I am in this for the long hall, I do not want to fall, moderation will never work for me. Need to get some work done or else I'll be facing another type of problem...
Thanks!!
spacie

[Guest]

Thurs Oct 5

I'm in.

I still see value in going to the monthly abs place as well.. cos it can be so inspiring and there are great people there... and I can see its hard for them to think that there is a separate camp that they might not feel welcome to..

but if we start this then it can be as empowering to them as monthly abs is/was... because the more people who post about living with this longer term opens up new conversations and issues that may actually help people move on using the site and not leaving the site.

So...how am i going. Well, I do find that drinking wise just feels more manageable.. I really dont obsess with it. How I deal with emotions really still GETS me STUCK. I had a blue with my husband yesterday and just like the feeling when you think - i'm going to drink.. I just felt like I didnt want to have those feelings... now, I dont drink when this happens.. but I dont know how to manage the feelings. So, what did I do? I went for a walk and a coffee and came back and forced a discussion which got us over the hurdle. And worst of all its all about the bloody small stuff.. (cleaning etc). sigh.

As to my committment here. Am happy to start posts and to post here pretty regularly.
Brigid

[xtexan]

Thurs Oct 5

Hello everyone:

A few thoughts for today.

This blasted ear infection really has brought me down. I got a full nights sleep, and went to work bright and early. Things were going well at work, and a second new job we are starting up performed far better than my expectations. I did a quick calculation, and found that some simple engineering changes I had made a few days ago, would save the company far more money in one year, than I made in a year. So I felt pretty good about myself. At the same time, the vertigo, nausea, and fatigue from fighting this infection had me at my desk feeling like death.

So I told the boss that I was going home for the day already, after the morning meeting. I barely got home, and hit the sack for 5 hours or so, and really had some strange dreams. In those dreams, I was at a customer location and was being worn out by one of their managers about how I was not perfect, and my work was not perfect, and how I would never be perfect. Yada, yada, chew, chew. In the dream, I left the customers plant, and immediately lit up a cigarette and started smoking one right after the other. Next thing I knew in the dream, I was guzzling beer at a bar not far from my house, and smoking to beat the band. I awoke with a start, and began cursing. It is not like I slipped for real, but in my subconcious mind I slipped.

I was so relieved when I woke up then, because I am still clean and sober in the real world, but a little groggy from the meds for the inner ear infection.

After making a little soup for a very late lunch, I fired up the flight simulator, and had a pretty good flight over the mid-west of about 400 miles that took a couple of hours to complete. I was flying a Beechcraft Baron twin prop, and learned more new things about flying and navigation. I even managed to land, without crashing at the destination airport, which in the real world is only about 10 miles from my house.

If anyone from the monthly abstinence regulars is reading this here, I will probably move any of my daily thoughts to this location on the forum. In light of the discourse that happened on yesterdays boards, it will probably be for the best at this point in time.

I believe I'm at the point where a crisis will not be that often in my quest for long-term sobriety. However, when it does happen, and I know it will happen, I need to keep in touch here to a certain degree. I also want to futher expand on some the things I started in the Holistic Healing section. Those are the real things I believe will be of most value to those who have several weeks, and months of sobriety, and they wish to continue on. The volatile nature of the monthly abstinence section may not be the best place for my current mindset and thinking. I posted there only in response to certain things that I felt that I had a real insight on. As stated before, the things that really wrench me are the pleas for help from those that believe their situation is completely hopeless. Those that feel that maybe there is no point in even trying anymore. I just can not read those pleas passively, and not try to reach out with at least some words.

I see many of the individuals on this forum, in a constant state of crisis. Always teetering on the brink of a plunge into the abyss again. It would be cold, hard, and inhuman not to offer the ropes and ladders I have built over the last many years for the use of those about to lose their own balance. It's just words on a computer screen. It is up to you to read, and interpret those words. Maybe the words can give you the insight and drive to make it yet another day AF. If so, then I am strengthened as well. It's a win-win deal you see. If you reach your goal, then I believe it helps me reach mine. It's a philosophy that I think the world could use more of.

I want to concentrate on the positive aspects of living sober. I want to concentrate on the long-term difficulties which arise from healing long buried psychological issues.

I hope I can continue to contribute what little I can to the goals of the long-term abstainer. There may come a day, when I find that this forum is not in alignment with my further healing, growth, and personal development. Heck, I may even find a wife, get married, and have kids or something. You never know. But for now, it has a place in my life, and as such, I will endeavor to bring energy, inspiration, and a message to the members that there is always hope.

Be well.

Neil

[Guest]

Thurs Oct 5

Neil,
You express yourself so well. like you I find I still want to concentrate on my journey and where I"m at.. how I do that.. may constantly be under review... and I'm happy to investigate options that I think will support my sobriety..

being well myself and working on myself is my greatest and most important challenge

I really want to live
Brigid

[gabby]

Thurs Oct 5

Yes, you do express yourself well. But thats what I think of all you. Brigid, Susan. Neil and Mike I am especially impressed cuz your males and you can too. : ) Ugghh....long day.

[mikeupnorth]

Thurs Oct 5

Hey -- just another quick check in. So glad to see everyone here. It was a bit lonely first thing this morning. :upset:

I think in the long run this will be a good source of strength for us, and I certainly don't intend to leave the monthly abs board either. Kind of like going to more than one AA meeting -- you get some variety. And the theme might be a little different from one to another. I really hope to benefit from the wisdom some of you have to share with how you've managed to stay sober... I know there are many strategies and I will try anything that works.

Tonight I'm going to the hypnotherapist for the first full-fledged hypno session, so we'll see how that goes. What I'm hoping to achieve is that he can help me solidify my decision, and perhaps help take away some of the psychological cravings. I know there is no quick fix, but I would really like to start reprogramming this brain of mine to see alcohol for what it truly is (a poisonous, addictive drug) rather than what I often think it is (nectar of the gods). If I keep my thinking straight, it's a lot less likely that I will relapse.

Anyway I guess I better get going. Just wanted to say hi and thanks for being here.

Take care ~

Mike

[sujul]

Thurs Oct 5

Evening folks!
Wow, feels good around here! Great posts from everyone--I'm really looking forward to this...I also am looking for some stability here...I'm settled in for the long haul!

So, my major issue right now (well, ONE of my major issues) is the fact that I have really serious sleep problems. I get up at least once an hour, sometimes still asleep, wander into the kitchen, eat stuff (which I don't always remember doing!), get back into bed, sleep for maybe 30-40 mins and repeat....I rarely get two hours of solid sleep although I DO remember one blissful night last April when I was in rehab...I slept through the whole night and it was so incredibly wonderful just thinking about it can bring tears to my eyes. Of course, I think they had given me something to make me sleep so it doesn't really count but it sure felt great.

I have tried just about everything but I'm always open to suggestions...I have never yet found a doctor to explain why I cannot either stay asleep or stay in bed....

No rush on this, but if something occurs to any of you, please just throw it out there!

Sorry I haven't posted any personal responses--I'll check in again tomorrow and re-read what's here....

How was the hypno, Mike? Inquiring minds want to know!
:h
susan