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On not counting AF days and moving on

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    #1

    On not counting AF days and moving on

    I was considering which section I should post this in before finally settling upon Long Term Abs. I'm not as far along as many of the long-term abstainers, but I can say in full sincerity that over the past 6 weeks without alcohol I have undergone a major transformation in thinking. In my previous short AF periods, even where I attained marginal success, there was always a thought in the back of my mind that stated; "You're doing well. Take a break. I wonder when I'll be able to drink again?" Not so, this time around. For the first time ever I truly and lucidly recognize that I will never be able to drink again, and with this real acceptance, I feel like an enormous burden has been lifted from me. Hence, this is why I chose to post in this section. In addition to being related to an obvious lengthy quantity of time, I think that the concept of a long-term abstainer also denotes an individual who, while not necessarily as far along as others, possesses a strong commitment and attitude toward an AF life. Attitude is the key distinguishing factor.

    As a result of this kind of acceptance of my inability to ever drink again, I've noticed that I have stopped counting AF days. When I first began coming here, I was obsessed each night with tacking another day on the calendar, but this past week it has barely crossed my mind. I take this as a sign that I am truly moving on with my life. It's perfectly understandable to focus on a past addiction, even after one has successfully defeated it, but I don't want to become the kind of person whose entire self-identity becomes entwined with surviving an addiction. It may be a significant life event, and I am certainly happy to offer advice and help others battling the same problem, but I want to truly put my past relationship with alcohol behind me. Yeah, I made many mistakes by continuing to drink heavily for all those years, but it doesn't have to make a significant impact on the rest of my life. Been there, done that.
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    #2
    On not counting AF days and moving on

    AMEN!!
    sigpic
    Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

    Comment

      #3
      On not counting AF days and moving on

      Jim, I like that. As a matter of fact - I have often wondered whether the counting is not actually a trigger for me. It might be way simpler and more effective to say...I'm a non-drinker, and that's it. I have to add that I've had many failures and successes, so all advice is welcome.
      make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

      Comment

        #4
        On not counting AF days and moving on

        Hi Jim,

        I agree about counting, I'm totally over that.

        But as for this...

        JimBeam911;814091 wrote: Yeah, I made many mistakes by continuing to drink heavily for all those years, but it doesn't have to make a significant impact on the rest of my life. Been there, done that.
        well, I agree that the fact that I "don't drink" now isn't a big deal in some ways (certainly not to other people), but I do put time and effort into maintaining my sobriety, and I'll have to do that for the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of my life.

        So I focus on the positive rather than the negative but I certainly still need to focus on maintenance. I don't dwell on my addiction but I need to remember that it's there.
        sigpic
        AF since December 22nd 2008
        Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

        Comment

          #5
          On not counting AF days and moving on

          yo

          JimBeam911;814091 wrote: I was considering which section I should post this in before finally settling upon Long Term Abs. I'm not as far along as many of the long-term abstainers, but I can say in full sincerity that over the past 6 weeks without alcohol I have undergone a major transformation in thinking. In my previous short AF periods, even where I attained marginal success, there was always a thought in the back of my mind that stated; "You're doing well. Take a break. I wonder when I'll be able to drink again?" Not so, this time around. For the first time ever I truly and lucidly recognize that I will never be able to drink again, and with this real acceptance, I feel like an enormous burden has been lifted from me. Hence, this is why I chose to post in this section. In addition to being related to an obvious lengthy quantity of time, I think that the concept of a long-term abstainer also denotes an individual who, while not necessarily as far along as others, possesses a strong commitment and attitude toward an AF life. Attitude is the key distinguishing factor.

          As a result of this kind of acceptance of my inability to ever drink again, I've noticed that I have stopped counting AF days. When I first began coming here, I was obsessed each night with tacking another day on the calendar, but this past week it has barely crossed my mind. I take this as a sign that I am truly moving on with my life. It's perfectly understandable to focus on a past addiction, even after one has successfully defeated it, but I don't want to become the kind of person whose entire self-identity becomes entwined with surviving an addiction. It may be a significant life event, and I am certainly happy to offer advice and help others battling the same problem, but I want to truly put my past relationship with alcohol behind me. Yeah, I made many mistakes by continuing to drink heavily for all those years, but it doesn't have to make a significant impact on the rest of my life. Been there, done that.
          hi j. b. interesting,im very fortunate of late,also,i get to read a lot,never use to,theories,everyone has one,or more,if it works,dont fix it,coming hear 2 ,5 times weekly,it coukld also be an addiction,i found in the past.i could never remember how many days i stopped,only cause of forgetfullnes,is why i mark it down,and even if i slip,once, in a year i get tht much closer to a full year,great,like u ive stopped beating myself up over it,i was reading several articles by,george e valliant,and yes he s a doctor,even with years of sobriety,forever is a long time,a friend of mine just went back out,12 years,sobriety,for a drink,i quit smoking 30 years ago,would never touch a cigerrette again,i no that,why is it so hard with Al,ive lerned to admit,i am a addicted minded person,cant say tht,about ALCHOHOL.:thanks::goodjob:gyco

          Comment

            #6
            On not counting AF days and moving on

            I agree with so much you posted JimB, however I wonder if I am as confidant in my AF life as you are, there are days that I still think 'yeah a glass would be nice' its not a mad crazy craving but its there and one of the 'tools' I have when that happens is that I am AF 53 days and am I going to throw all that away on a scabby little glass of wine and start again day 1?
            I see your point tho and as I say I reckon I'm not as secure as you are in my sobriety.........just a thought
            Molly
            Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
            contentedly NF since 8/04/14

            Comment

              #7
              On not counting AF days and moving on

              I dont count the days or weeks anymore,just get on with living my life to the best of my ability,which i now know i never did when i was drinking,But i never forget my past as sometimes it helps me deal with a few issues that crop up and reminds me of why i cant drink no more.Today i am totally very happy that i dont or wont drink ever again.


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

              Comment

                #8
                On not counting AF days and moving on

                I try and not count like jessie said i think this could be a trigger for me thinking im doing so well reward myself the wrong way.....I look at each day as a new day but i do have my date on my signature to Remind ME of my last drink the pain i put my kids and hubby through, and how AL one minute it puts me on a high and the next how it makes me feel really low in side me and puts me in a dark place and also how it messes with my head.
                Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                Comment

                  #9
                  On not counting AF days and moving on

                  Great Post Jim, In my early days, then months I counted, at that point, it helped me to really see my progress. But, at about 6 months sober, I was no longer counting. I agree with you, there comes a time that we really and truly just move on and no longer allow alcohol to be a part of our daily lives, even in thought! I will always use the yearly milestones as a day of reflection! But over time, I am sure that the way that reflection looks to me will also evolve!

                  Thanks!
                  Kate
                  A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                  AF 12/6/2007

                  Comment

                    #10
                    On not counting AF days and moving on

                    Jim, congratulations on the full acceptance that you can't drink. For me, sobriety was a huge battle until that occured - similar experience in that regard!

                    I let my day couning take it's own course. It seems that I started not paying attention / losing track of the number probably around 100 days? I don't remember for sure. Then it sort of naturally migrated to months. Now I have to stop and figure that out.

                    I will never forget the date of my last hangover though - May 22, 2008. That will always be a landmark anniversary.

                    I'm with Marshy that I believe I will always have to keep maintenance of my sobriety at the forefront. I have heard way way way too many stories of relapse where people seemed to think they didn't need to work on it, drifted away from any sort of reminders of the addiction, and then BLAMMO. This is way to deadly a problem for me to want to risk drinking again because I stop paying attention.

                    I believe it's true what the old timers say - alcohol addiciton is cunning, baffling and powerful. The analogy I often here is that while we are enjoying our AF time, old AL is out in the parking lot doing push ups. Why is it that people relapse after many years of sobriety? I don't know, but I'm quite sure I'm not "special" and therefore immune. When the people with many years sobriety tell me I need to stay vigilent in my sobriety program, I think I have more to lose by ignoring that advice than by spending time each day to heed it.

                    Your attitude is great just accepting that need to stay sober and moving forward with your life. Freeing, isn't it?

                    DG
                    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                    One day at a time.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      On not counting AF days and moving on

                      Doggygirl;815834 wrote: while we are enjoying our AF time, old AL is out in the parking lot doing push ups.
                      :H That's hilarious! Scary, but hilarious.
                      sigpic
                      AF since December 22nd 2008
                      Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                      Comment

                        #12
                        On not counting AF days and moving on

                        Though I am only on Day 16 and shouldn't be straying from the Newbies Nest, I do poke around this forum for insight and courage into long term abstainment. I will return in 6 months to join you!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          On not counting AF days and moving on

                          What a great post. When I gave up alcohol, for the first few days I was counting the hours, then the days. This went on for about 6 or 7 months until I realised I was going for a few days and not thinking about drinking at all. Now I rarely think about it. But a word of warning, even now after three and a half years sober I still have to be on my guard because occasionally I will find myself thinking about a glass of wine, but that is all it is, just a thought that I don't have to act on. I now look on drinking as something that I used to do, but I don't do it anymore.
                          A F F L..
                          Alcohol Free For Life

                          Comment

                            #14
                            On not counting AF days and moving on

                            in jest!

                            Counting or not to count. I used to count for the first year or so but no so much anymore!

                            July

                            AF since let's see....

                            From July 25, 2007
                            To and including: Friday, March 19, 2010

                            It is 969 days from the start date to the end date, end date included

                            Or 2 years, 7 months, 23 days including the end date. But I am not counting!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              On not counting AF days and moving on

                              july232007;824546 wrote: Counting or not to count. I used to count for the first year or so but no so much anymore!

                              July

                              AF since let's see....

                              From July 25, 2007
                              To and including: Friday, March 19, 2010

                              It is 969 days from the start date to the end date, end date included

                              Or 2 years, 7 months, 23 days including the end date. But I am not counting!
                              July I knew i could count on ya


                              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                              Comment

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