What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

[Tommo]

What do people specifically mean by "you have to work at it (being sober)" and that it's more than just not drinking?

I appreciate that you have to keep yourself occupied and particularly find ways to kill your evenings. How do you get better at sobriety?

:new:

[mario]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

My advice to achieve and work at your sobriety, is to be abstinent from your friends that continue to drink. Socializing with them is not a good example of working your program toward happiness and sobriety. Do not ever try to convince yourself that your life is empty and not as exciting as it use to be when you were drinking, Being sober, I have not only achieved my self-respect, I have also achieved goals I never thought I could achieve. My wallet is much thicker. I do not miss all the legal obligations I use to have to fulfill. Relationships are truer and better. Feeling like a loser has never crossed my mind.

It is important for me to remember who I was and who I am today. Some people say never look back. In my case, I sometimes do. I have to. It is a part of my program. Each person has a different program. This is what makes them unique. Copying somebody else's program not always works.

One of my achievements in sobriety is feeling peaceful and tranquil each day. I no longer associate with the people I thought were my friends.One thing to always remember, is never convince yourself that you are cured for life. Remember to celebrate each day you have sober. Just remember, slippery slopes exist. Tread safely and lightly each day. Celebrate your new life. I have. If I can achieve it, anybody can.

[techie]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

tommo - Mario put it about as well as it can be said. For once in my life, I have nothing to add!

[hippie37]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Hi Tommo.

I'll give you my personal opinion in relation to my own alcoholism.

The substances I used were merely symptoms of my underlying issues. I used alcohol and drugs to self medicate in order to exist and deal with life as best I could. These symptoms included low self worth, low self esteem, lack of confidence etc. which meant I had to manipulate and control everything in my life just to get by.

So when I put down the drink on numerous occasions in the past I was still left feeling empty and void and still not able to deal with life. I was ill-equipped and felt like a child (I still do on occasions). Hence I kept relapsing because I wasn't 'working' on myself to change old habits. In order to change I had to deal with the emptiness and void I felt when I had stopped drinking.

When you've spent over 20 years in addictive behaviours these don't suddenly change when you put down the drink. So working at changing your lifestyle, thinking, behavioural patterns etc can take a long time. If you don't work at it then the chances of relapsing are greatly increased. For me working at it can mean facing my fears each day and doing something that I've found hard to do in the past. I've felt quite fearful and vulnerable today for reasons I won't go into here. But instead of walking down the street staring at the pavement like I've done in the past I've maintained some level of eye contact with people. I've kept my head held high. That for me is working at it. I could of quite easily succumbed to the fear and just walked around with my head up my arse all day. I won't do that though because I know it can all too quickly become the norm again. I'll be isolating next then before you know it I'll be drinking again in state of loneliness and despair.

I don't consider myself to have gotten better at sobriety but I do have a better quality of life today than I ever have. I still make bad judgments regularly but I've accepted I'm not perfect and I can only do the best I can. I know if I'm cheating myself by taking short cuts. The only loser in that game though is me!

Many Blessings
Phil

[mollyka]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Wow Mario and Hip37, like Techie says there is really nothing to add here! What I would endorse is when Mario says people say you shouldn't look back, I agree with him, on the contrary I need to look back to remember where I never want to be again.
Molly

[KateH1]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

I agree with both Mario and Hippie. For me, not drinking was the first step. A Huge Step for sure, but only the first step to truly living a happy, sober life. For me, a happy, sober life is not "staying busy", though I am quite busy! But, what I cherish is enjoying being quiet and by myself. I enjoy the presence of my own sober company! Changing thought and behavior patterns is critical to this. I also no longer live with regrets from the past, that I cannot change, and more so, fear of the future, which I can plan for, with the knowlege that "I plan and god laughs"!

xo Kate

[Tommo]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Thanks for the very personal advice from all of you. I guess the common theme is to improve your life in addition to and simultaneous to not drinking, this makes sense.

Personally, I think I'll give it a couple of weeks before I make any major changes. A couple of nights a week at the gym, a couple at the cinema, sounds nice and relaxed. I have on previous abstinences tried joining evening classes but found it slightly alienating. The only support groups near me are 12 steps and something to do with the Catholic Church. I'm open to the idea of a higher power but I'm feeling vaguely empowered at the moment and so reluctant to state that I'm powerless.

[Winefree]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Tommo, you are not powerless altogether, you are just powerless over alcohol. Think of it this way......once we take that first drink, we can't stop until we are drunk. That is what we are powerless over. One would never be enough and is just a waste of time and calories.
Once we realize that, it is a start to our recovery. Give the 12 steps a try. It is NOT a religious program, it is a spiritual program.

Winefree

[retteacher]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Tommo:

To me, being sober is:
-being rigorously honest.
-being grateful for what I have.
-being able to "take life on life's terms."
-being a spiritual person.
-being in the moment.
-AND ABOVE ALL: BEING SOBER.

Mary

[momof3]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Hmmm, Working at sobriety means so many things to me. When I first stopped drinking, I felt so lost and deprived. Once alcohol was out of the picture, there wasn't much else left. I was becoming an empty shell of a person who had alcohol as her main interest. I knew that I did not "work on myself" or work on my sobriety, that I would be right back to drinking again.

Working at sobriety meant reclaiming my life and health back. I started eating better, I begain to exercise, I took a hard look at my social life...reclaimed old friends, let others go, and made new ones. I found a church and spiritual community that I could connect with. I allowed myself to feel all of the sadness, anger, rage, etc. that I had stuffed down for years and years with alcohol.

Today, working at my sobriety means, with every decision, asking myself: "Is this going to take me further toward my well-being (and hence, sobriety) or further away?" I don't dwell on my addiction nor do I live in fear of it, but I am aware that I could become a drinker again if I don't take care of my spirit and my soul.

M3

[Doggygirl]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

:welcome: Tommo. And thank you to all who have commented so far - this has become a really interesting thread! I agree with the others!

I believe I have a daily reprieve from my compulsion to drink based on maintaining spiritual fitness. For me, spiritual fitness means among other things, rigorous honesty in how I live, and service to others more than service to me in my daily conduct. With each new day, I need to set my sights on these goals or I can easily slip back into my old selfish, fearful and angry ways of thinking. And that thinking leads to behavior that is NOT the person I am striving to become. I go backwards. I don't want to go backwards into the bottle.

I can never wake up and assume I'm "fixed." Hence, I have to work at this every day. But it's not like prison camp. It's like freedom camp. For me, there is a lot of joy in working at my spiritual fitness in order to keep my sobriety.

It sounds like you are on a good path planning good activities to replace that drinking time. As you move along the path, you will probably find that you want "more" in terms of emotional, spiritual and physical growth. All in good time.

DG

[timetochangenow]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Great read here. Thanks. T

[rebirth]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Some great posts on here!

[Tommo]

What do people mean when they say you must work at your sobriety?

Thanks for all the feedback. I am beginning to see sobriety iteself as a positve thing. Whereas a couple of years ago I would be reading biographies of iconic drinkers like Anthony Burgess and Richard Burton now I look to people like Richard E Grant, Ian Brown and all you folks as role models.